Half A Cent Of Opinion.

I hate how the greatest minds that will eventually come out of this generation are being fed this idea that to be great, you need to fit into this box that has been designed for you by minds that lost their relevance long ago. I watch how we think, how we perceive things and the way we go about doing the things we do on the day to day. The archaic practices of the past seem to cling to us like moss. We don't fully realise just how they slowly grow on us, manifesting themselves in the way we speak and see things until it's too late and they've blinded us completely.

I'm still building up my understanding in all of this. I'm not fully weighing in on the situation right now, that will come later because I don't have all the information I feel I need to be fully capable to have an informed opinion.

Just watching this situation in Stellenbosch, actually, the country as a whole, I can't help but feel saddened. I'm at a loss of words when I see the new outrage that has been brought up. If it isn't students fighting one another to tell the other why their outrage is insignificant, it's grown men and women trying to point out why others should be seen and feel insignificant. If there's one thing I cannot stand, it is the type of person who comes to you guns blazing, fixing to force feed you their deeply ingrained doctrine. I understand that everyone has a differing view and opinion to the next person and that, I am more than okay with, it's when people are not willing to see and understand that everyone will have a differing opinion and theirs isn't necessarily the correct one when the problem arises. There is nothing stopping you from bringing across what you believe and in the same turn of the coin, taking in and understanding what I believe too. It really isn't that hard. I can only put it down to a pigheaded, blind ignorance and what could possibly be fear.

You cannot tell me all these issues we see around the country do not stem from a sense of fear. The "Afrikaaner"(and I'm only picking on them because of the relevance) in South Africa fears that his culture is dying. As the youngest in the world, it would make sense for it to be wiped out if it were not given enough nourishment. As transformation comes, this plays on the mind and in an effort to safeguard what they hold dear, they lash out. In an effort to keep their sense of belonging intact, they try to undermine those trying to find their feet and in doing so, begin to exclude not only the people of colour in the country, but also the English speaking white South African. Most of the focus though, unfortunately, is thrown on race and it becomes a savage, fecal flinging match between the two sides and in a place like Stellies for example, there is no hope. How can you as a South African, turn to another and tell them they are not good enough to be at a place where they are more than able to afford and get through academically and tell them they don't belong just because they're of another skin colour? Is this not ignorance? Is this not a fear of change?

 But what gets me is this. How can these new minds, these fresh ideas, these new visions that we need to keep this wonderful country afloat be shut down like this? By an institution that many find to be one of the very best. How can you possibly justify giving certain learning packages in one language and then be shocked when people fail to understand? English, as we all know, is the universal accepted medium and I would understand if things came as standard in English and then other language options were given, with the very same material in them like any other right thinking university would do. Many a time I've heard from friend, black an white, how certain things get left out of certain packages and they then have to scramble to find all they need. It's almost as if the creative is being killed by the rigid codes of the Institution.

Of course this is only my opinion on something I am still wrapping my head around but what I fear is that by the time I do, it would be too late.

Full Transcript of Kanye West's speech at the VMAs.

“Bro. Bro! Listen to the kids. First of all, thank you, Taylor, for being so gracious and giving me this award this evening.

And I often think back to the first day I met you also. You know I think about when I’m in the grocery store with my daughter and I have a really great conversation about fresh juice… and at the end they say, ’Oh, you’re not that bad after all!’ And like I think about it sometimes. … It crosses my mind a little bit like when I go to a baseball game and 60,000 people boo me. Crosses my mind a little bit.

And I think if I had to do it all over again what would I have done? Would I have worn a leather shirt? Would I have drank half a bottle of Hennessy and gave the rest of it to the audience? Ya’ll know ya’ll drank that bottle too! If I had a daughter at that time would I have went on stage and grabbed the mic from someone else’s? You know, this arena tomorrow it’s gonna be a completely different setup. Some concert, something like that. The stage will be gone. After that night, the stage was gone, but the effect that it had on people remained.

The … The problem was the contradiction. The contradiction is I do fight for artists, but in that fight I somehow was disrespectful to artists. I didn’t know how to say the right thing, the perfect thing. I just … I sat at the Grammys and saw Justin Timberlake and Cee-Lo lose. Gnarls Barkley and the FutureLove … SexyBack album … and Justin, I ain’t trying to put you on blast, but I saw that man in tears, bro. You know, and I was thinking, like, ’He deserved to win Album of the Year!'”

And this small box that we are as the entertainers of the evening … How could you explain that? Sometimes I feel like all this s–t they run about beef and all that? Sometimes I feel like I died for the artist’s opinion. For artists to be able to have an opinion after they were successful. I’m not no politician, bro!

Look at that. You know how many times MTV ran that footage again? ’Cause it got them more ratings? You know how many times they announced Taylor was going to give me the award ’cause it got them more ratings? Listen to the kids, bro! I still don’t understand awards shows. I don’t understand how they get five people who worked their entire life … sold records, sold concert tickets to come stand on the carpet and for the first time in they life be judged on the chopping block and have the opportunity to be considered a loser! I don’t understand it, bruh!

I don’t understand when the biggest album, or the biggest video … I’ve been conflicted, bro. I just wanted people to like me more. “But fuck that, bro! 2015! I will die for the art! For what I believe in. And the art ain’t always gonna be polite! Ya’ll might be thinking right now, ’Did he smoke something before he came out here?’ The answer is yes, I rolled up a little something. I knocked the edge off!

I don’t know what’s gonna happen tonight, I don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, bro. But all I can say to my artists, to my fellow artists: Just worry how you feel at the time, man. Just worry about how you feel and don’t NEVER … you know what I’m saying? I’m confident. I believe in myself. We the millennials, bro. This is a new mentality. We’re not gonna control our kids with brands. We not gonna teach low self-esteem and hate to our kids. We gonna teach our kids that they can be something. We gonna teach our kids that they can stand up for theyself! We gonna teach our kids to believe in themselves!”

If my grandfather was here right now he would not let me back down! I don’t know I’m fittin’ to lose after this. It don’t matter though, cuz it ain’t about me. It’s about ideas, bro. New ideas. People with ideas. People who believe in truth. And yes, as you probably could have guessed by this moment, I have decided in 2020 to run for president.”

Catfishery

When I'm at home, there are three things I enjoy doing more than anything else. Playing Xbox, listening to music and watching strange TV programs. From 9pm things on TV start to turn weird and you find some pretty interesting shows. Just last night I watched a show on people who were trying to survive in the jungle with no clothes on. It makes you wonder what goes on in these TV show pitch meetings. 

"We need an idea for a new type of survival program"

"I know. Let's throw two random strangers into the wild

With no help, crew or tools."

"Yeah, I don't know. Seems a bit dated."

"Well, what if they had no clothes on?"

"Brilliant! We have a winner!"

I've been off work for the last two days and decided to catch up on all my PVR recordings from the last few weeks. I've collected about 6 new episodes of Catfish and they were calling my name. Now if you don't know, I love Catfish. I can honestly watch that show for hours upon hours and never get bored. It always blows my mind how people get swept up into these internet lies. I'm also astonished at the types of people that get dragged out from behind their desktop lies. Some of the characters on the show really make me wonder if people in parts of America have taken to mating with vegetables. 

How can they be so twisted in the head? 

I watched an episode where this girl was using the pictures of another girl and was telling people to go kill themselves and disgusting things like that. In this day and age, with all the mental problems that people suffer, how can you say hurtful things to people. What if these people were suicidal and that was the straw that broke the camel's back? When they finally met her, she was this cheerful, almost psychotic teenage girl that saw absolutely nothing wrong with what she had done. She even went as far as to say that she was angry with the girl whose pictures she had stolen because she had gone and told everyone that they were being fooled. 

How messed up is your life, how truly cooked in the head are you, for you to pretend to be someone else on the Internet and spin a web of lies so intricate that it becomes your life? When do you finally realise that what you're doing is completely messed up and that maybe you should just switch the ADSL off for a few days. 

Another thing I love about Catfish is just how Nev and Max go about things. Nev is the softer one. He's all, "Hey let's be understanding and open minded" and Max really is like any one of us, he's very much "What the fuck!?" I think if I had to be on the show with them I'd also be very much "what the fuck." I often wonder how they manage to keep their cool and process these things because often, the things I see on that show just wrinkle my brain. I remember there was an episode where this guy pretended to be a musician and conned people out of thousands of dollars. How and why would you be doing that my dude? I would throw the most vicious hands known to man. The amount of people I would have punched on Catfish would be longer than the amounts of people Jet Li has beaten in his movies. 

Anyway, I've completely lost what the actual point of this was. I think this was meant to be about my nightly routine but I got carried away on a Catfish tangent. Now I've lost the point of this. Eh. I think I'll just watch another episode. 

Greek Tragedy - The Wombats.

We're smashing mics in karaoke bars

You're running late with half your makeup on

This method acting might pay our bills

But soon enough they'll be a different role to fill

I love this feeling

But I hate this part

I wanted this to work so much

I drew up our plans on a chart

Cars are flipping, I'm in hot pursuit

My character's strong, but my head is loose

She hits like ecstasy

Comes up and bangs the sense out of me

The tarot cards say it's not so bad

And the blades rotate, there's just no landing pad

And better have said it, but darling you're the

best

I'm just tired of falling up the penrose steps

I hate this feeling

But I love this part

She really wants to make it work

And I clearly want to let it start

We'll build a waterslide

As soon as I get home

Oh and she hits like ecstasy

Comes up and bangs the sense out of me

It's wrong, but surely worst to leave

And she hits like ecstasy

So free up the cheaper seats

Here comes the Greek Tragedy

...

I've been reading By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept by Paulo Coelho and I've got to tell you, it's ruined me.

Over the last couple of months, I've been inaccessible emotionally. There was no way of getting any form of rise from me. I've barely registered any sort of affection but after just a few days of reading this, I feel as open and as raw as roadkill. If you don't know the story, it's about a woman who rekindles a love with her childhood friend who is now a man of spiritual brilliance. It takes place in the space of a week, a roller coaster of denying, accepting and - from what I've been told since I haven't finished it due to wanting to make it last as long as possible- losing love.

Love is a many strange thing. I've only ever really loved twice in my years - but I think I might be sitting on three - and to be honest with you, as great as those times were, I can only remember the bad bits. I know everything wasn't all bad. I know that I was happy and that I wanted nothing more than what i was feeling at the time but every time I think back to those times, I find myself shivering slightly and hoping to never go back there again. I think this is why I've been so emotionally closed. I was never great at dealing with the loss. This book has highlighted a lot of points that have struck a chord with me. I've really changed the way I look at this whole love business.  I used to think that it took time to fall in love. I used to think that it was impossible to just suddenly meet someone and be head over heels with them.

 That was how it was with my first love. We were friends for ages and with time we developed feelings for one another and ended up being together and it was really great. The second time around though, I felt it almost instantly. I didn't know quite what to make of it and because of that, I tried my best to control it. I didn't accept it for what it was and I ended up turning something great into a sour mess. The thing about love is that it comes in like a strong wind. You simply can't stop it no matter how hard you try.

Right now I find myself in a quandary. I'm faced with a situation that is less than ideal. I'm faced with what is possibly an unrequited love. There is nothing more painful, or so I'm told, as an unrequited love. Personally, I refuse to think of this as anything more than a slight infatuation because I refuse to accept that I could find myself in a situation where I could not get the outcome I wanted - it's selfish I know, but this is my corner of the world - and so it can't be real. The problem is, I'm faced with all the telltale signs of my loves gone by and that's what worries me. I don't know if I can handle this right now. Why must I deal with this when I still have so many things in my life that I need to sort out. I'm trying to build my brand up, focus on me, I can't have feelings for someone else plaguing and hindering my progress.

Having found the switch that has opened me up to all these feelings, I know I'm handling the spill out terribly but right now I'm in a state of panic. The best way to deal with this would be to deal with it head on. Admit to myself where I stand and then work it out. But I won't, at least I don't think I will. Right now, I'lI probably ignore it till it goes away or drives me insane and makes me act the fool. I know this isn't the way to go about it but trying to get my head around all this is bugging me out.

It helps having this rant out. My black book is full of a million other things that are so far beyond this manchild rant that I'd be ashamed to put it in there. In time I'lI have a solution.