The magic of photography

A year ago on a drunken night

We are so ugly

Tulips

When you said tulips
I knew that you're mine
When I caught you there
Crying in the night
Wearing my jacket
Wearing that smile
I knew that I'd found you

This could be an opportunity

Were you unawares?
Did it catch you out?
Or did it break you in
Right from the start?
It's as pure as fire
It's as pure as snow
I knew that I'd found you

This could be an opportunity

If you promise to let it
If you promise to let it grow

'Cos you're the one I love

Goodbye for now, so long

I think over the passed few days I've sat alone with my thoughts long enough to find the peace I was looking for. I was at a point of confusion and indecision not so long ago, I was fighting with so many ideals being thrown around that it really did get to a point where I just had enough, I needed escape. Im a creature of flight but also a creature of comfort. If Im not comfortable then I flee because it makes no sense to be stuck in a spot where nothing feels right. Walking along Jan Smuts last weekend, I got a little flash back of a thought I had not so long ago of walking down a road similar to that at night, knowing that at that moment I was content with the world. It wasn't exactly how I'd envisioned it but I was content nonetheless.

I want it to be clear that I as a person, still do care for Stacey, albeit in a different way. There is no denying that she is the closest girl I've ever been to in a non physically beneficial way, she was and hopefully one day will be, my best doll mate. Sure i handled everything very very wrong, for which I am so profusely sorry but I guess things happen they way they do because its just how it is. We haven't spoken since that night, I respect her wish to not have any contact. I do however think that its sully to cut someone off like that completely but different people deal differently to things. I wouldnt be surprised if thoughts of me werent kindly greeted, thats a given and Im not too concerned about that. Do I think her and I can have friendship like we had before at some point later later? Well ekse I dont know but it'd be cool.

Two can play that game.

I've had enough of all those little silly quotes I keep reading everywhere that girls seem to love so much. My Twitter timeline is full of utter crap from all the retweets from things like OMGteens or LoveQuotesXD. Like chilled, each to his own and stuff but I just wish they weren't annoying little statements. "Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened" and "Its not what you're doing but who you're doing it with" and "Im a generic quotes whore but the funny thing is that Im a guy". I've decided that two can play at that game, for a limited time only Im gonna pull out some generic quotes for your asses so I can also cause headaches.

I took to this like a tiger

I must be on drugs or something. Ok well no Im not, Im just a little bit careless in my approaches and a little bit reckless when I shouldn't be. I'm not asking for forgiveness, Im not on a quest for redemption. I'm just a boy that lives a step at a time lately and so far it's been the best approach. Sure some would say that that is silly and that you're meant to worry yourself into a tizz over the things that'll come and the consequences that the future brings but if Im very hones, Im starting to think that things turn out the way they're meant to regardless of what you do. Try as you might sometimes but there are those times when the outcome cannot be manipulated by human efforts, there are those times when things just happen "for a reason". I don't wanna sound like one of those fairies that live off shoddy spirit links or one of those annoyingly optimistic eejits that believes that we have no power over our actions because we flipping do, we're human enough. I'm also not justifying anything I do by saying it all happens as it should and anything after that rightly shouldn't have.

I've forgotten what this post was meant to achieve and I'm not gonna go back and reread it again cuz then Im just editing my thoughts, I haven't free wheeled with a post like this in a while, it feels good. I can't say I've ever considered selling drugs, that's never been something I could imagine myself doing. Haha I think if I got one thing out of all that, it's that I can't picture myself pushing pills. Haha that was cute and funny but no...

Im no hero

Tonight was Tash's suprise party. I must say, Scunt and Dean Bo'Slice did their jobs brilliantly. I was expecting us to ruin it by coming late but luckily we didnt:)

I do hope James had a frikin fantastic party and I hope it was everything and more that she hoped for. I did spend an averaged sized portion of my night with Junior James who is flipping great:). Tonight I spent my evening with someone I know so flipping well and you I dont know anymore because of circumstance that has brought us that way. I have been hanging with my Gem often lately, we've just clicked like how we used to and many have speculated about her and I, I've fielded so many questions about whats happening between her and I that I've grown unbelievably old trying to answer each one. Just because you're hanging with someone, it doesn't mean you're shacking up together. Im still crazy about the doll, she's flipping fantastic and yes we had a moment tonight that I do understand is not quite ideal and for that Im very sorry and cannot begin to put that into words.

Do I feel bad? Yes I do. Am I cut? Yes I am. Does that affect my post and/or judgement? Not a chance. I do believe that all happens for a reason. I understand Im an asshole and will not try plead different. I wont justify my actions except to say that in all honesty, if anything changed then it wouldn't be a true reflection of tonight...

Well now we've startedWell now we've started

So now we've started the season. I think its quite a bit exciting to be taking part in something with your mates.

Last night we went to that Upbeat festival at Maroon Dog hound School. It was very disappointing I wont lie. Someone said, "It doesn't matter where you are but who you with" or some crap like that. Now thats fine in the world of fairy cakes and cotton candy clouds but like in real life it doesn't actually work like that. Im sorry but I am an undercover emo, Im very depressed at the best of times and I do like to eat ice cream from the tub but I'll tell you that that saying isn't so true. If I was about to be executed, I'd rather be by myself than having my mates subjected to the same thing. I've been in very terrible situations and I can tell you Im rather pleased I was by myself.

I've been looking on twitter and people seem to be living in worlds of quotes that paint pictures of fairies and unicorns and really thats great for them, like I dont care if they do, thats very nice but in real life its not like that. In real life Im sorry but its just egg on toast.

Egg and toast makes for a good treat. It's honestly the best breakfast in the world. I shall get into the politics of egg and toast at a later stage but for now we can all mull it over

A decade is a long time ago

I was just thinking about the time when lions suffered from TB. That was only a few years back, like 5 or something but even so, that feels like ages ago. Then I started thinking about days even further and so much time has gone by.

Ten years ago I was in grade 1, Edleen Primary school in Kempton Park, Johannesburg. That was 2001, a long time ago. Mrs. Fletcher was my teacher, she doesn't really stand out much besides being a lady with brown hair who took us for sports once. There were four houses at the school, Ruby, Emerald, Sapphire and Topaz. I was in Topaz and we had yellow squares. My best mate was a Malawian boy by the name of Regis Majawa and he could run fast which is why he was my best mate. Back then your best friend was the person who could do the coolest stuff, you didnt bother about looks or character or anything else, if he can run faster than you then he's perfect, doesn't matter that he looks like a chimp. My dad would drop me off at school mostly but when he was away I would walk to school cuz it was close. In hindsight it actually wasn't that close, especially for a little boy but coming home I would walk with a bunch of mates. I liked a new girl often. At first when we first moved to Joburg, I liked this coloured doll named Faith. She was the only one I vaguely knew on the first day. I remember offering to take her some homework cuz she was sick the one day and her house was by my house so I went on my way home to her place and no one came to the gate and it was open so I went in and she was about to go bath and was naked and I was so shocked, it was the stuff of porn films. There was this other girl named Ronwyn that I had a thing for but I think Regis may have liked her. Then there was Basi. Poor girl liked me for ages and she was pretty decent but her main flaw was that she was taller than me. She would buy me pies all the time, Im pretty sure she's the one that turned me into a bint. I remember I once told my mom to not make me lunch cuz I wanted to do it so I made myself Tomato Sauce sandwiches and then at break I realized that that was a flipping crap idea and Basi bought me a pie. She held my hand in class once and I got a boner, didnt know what that crap was.

There was another doll, one of the mates I used to walk home with, cant remember her name. She was my first valentine. A few months later I found out she liked this guy called Morgan. Morgan was a great guy, we all played together at break sometimes but she was my valentine, how could she like another boy? I think that was when I first tasted jealousy involving a girl, I couldn't fathom my girl liking another boy even tho she was just my mate because I told her one day when we were walking home that Morgan called her a bitch. The next day when we were lining up for class she tuned him and he didnt know what was cutting, poor guy was so confused. I didnt feel bad. Looking back I can say that was a dick move on my part completely. I've since come to learn that guys just dont do that crap, if anything, I was the bitch.

There are actually so many things, place, but mainly people that I remember from back then. It's a shame I forget so many new ones.

I was just thinking about the time when lions suffered from TB. That was only a few years back, like 5 or something but even so that feels like ages ago. Then I started thinking about days even further and so much time has gone by.

Ten years ago I was in grade 1, Edleen Primary school in Kempton Park, Johannesburg. That was 2001, a long time ago. Mrs. Fletcher was my teacher, she doesn't really stand out much besides has being a lady with brown hair who took us for sports once. There were four houses at the school, Ruby, Emerald, Sapphire and Topaz. I was in Topaz and we had yellow squares. My best mate was a Malawian boy by the name of Regis Majawa and he could run fast which is why he was my best mate. Back then your best friend was the person who could do the coolest stuff, you didnt bother about looks or character or anything else, if he can run faster than you then he's perfect. My dad would drop of off at school mostly but when he was away I would walk to school cuz it was close. In hindsight it actually wasn't that close, especially for a little boy but coming home I would walk with a bunch of mates. I liked a new girl often. At first when we first moved to Joburg, I liked this coloured doll named Faith. She was the only one I vaguely knew on the first day. I remember offering to take her some homework cuz she was sick the one day and her house was by my house so I went on my way home to her place and no one came to the gate and it was open so I went in and she was about to go bath and was naked and I was so shocked, it was the stuff of porn films. There was this other girl named Ronwyn that I had a thing for but I think Regis may have liked her. Then there was Basi. Poor girl liked me for ages and she was pretty decent but her main flaw was that she was taller than me. She would buy me pies all the time, Im pretty sure she's the one that turned me into a bint. I remember I once told my mom to not make me lunch cuz I wanted to do it so I made myself Tomato Sauce sandwiches and then at break I realized that that was a flipping crap idea and Basi bought me a pie. She held my hand in class once and I got a boner, didnt know what that crap was.

There was another doll, one of the mates I used to walk home with, cant remember her name. She was my first valentine. A few months later I found out she liked this guy called Morgan. Morgan was a great guy, we all played together at break sometimes but she was my valentine, how could she like another boy? I think that was when I first tasted jealousy involving a girl, I couldn't fathom my girl liking another boy even tho she was just my mate because I told her one day when we were walking home that Morgan called her a bitch. The next day when we were lining up for class she tuned him and he didnt know what was cutting, poor guy was so confused. I didnt feel bad. Looking back I can say that was a dick move on my part completely. I've since come to learn that guys just dont do that crap, if anything, I was the bitch.

There are actually so many things, place, but mainly people that I remember from back then. It's a shame I forget so many new ones.