I think over the passed few days I've sat alone with my thoughts long enough to find the peace I was looking for. I was at a point of confusion and indecision not so long ago, I was fighting with so many ideals being thrown around that it really did get to a point where I just had enough, I needed escape. Im a creature of flight but also a creature of comfort. If Im not comfortable then I flee because it makes no sense to be stuck in a spot where nothing feels right. Walking along Jan Smuts last weekend, I got a little flash back of a thought I had not so long ago of walking down a road similar to that at night, knowing that at that moment I was content with the world. It wasn't exactly how I'd envisioned it but I was content nonetheless.
I want it to be clear that I as a person, still do care for Stacey, albeit in a different way. There is no denying that she is the closest girl I've ever been to in a non physically beneficial way, she was and hopefully one day will be, my best doll mate. Sure i handled everything very very wrong, for which I am so profusely sorry but I guess things happen they way they do because its just how it is. We haven't spoken since that night, I respect her wish to not have any contact. I do however think that its sully to cut someone off like that completely but different people deal differently to things. I wouldnt be surprised if thoughts of me werent kindly greeted, thats a given and Im not too concerned about that. Do I think her and I can have friendship like we had before at some point later later? Well ekse I dont know but it'd be cool.
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