Now Playing.

I've decided that an education is needed. An education into what Im listening to. I've put up song lyrics before but from now on Im gonna do it more often. Not because I've run out of things to write or anything, but because its about time I did that. Im tired of "Baby baby give it to me once, twice, thrice" being all over and my beloveds just sitting unnoticed.

Hello different

Have you ever tried to define yourself?

Over the years I've gone through my stages. I was once an OG with my baggy clothes, baseball cap and bling. I was a skater. I once bought a guitar, a few are sitting somewhere in this house. I did dabble on the keyboard. I was once an avid gamer too. I became a tech junkie. I did the art thing for a while because thats what everyone's done in this house it seems. I was a nerd. I was a match maker too at some point. Haha and now?

I came across Jengina's blog the other day, I followed a link and it took me there and I was very happy inside. I found myself reading "Between The Lines", clever title by the way, and I realized something, Im not Indie. Haha I've never claimed to be Indie or anything, dont get me wrong, but when I was going through that, something in my head said "You know what you aren't? You aren't Indie". Im not saying Jengina is Indie or anything either.

Im not your typical black person am I? Im metallic brown for a start. I listen to everything besides RnB and House. I wear jeans and a t shirt but I dont subscribe to any following. I've only ever been to one public school and that was for a year in grade 1. My best mates are white. Im secretly British. Im not normal.

Im not the only one of this kind. Over the years I've noticed more black guys leaving the comfort of cultural ties to venture out in the world of mixed race. Back in the day the only black guys like that were from under priviledged families who were taken in by a sort of adoptive white family and then were crucified by every black guy out there for being different.

This sorta thing, this being different, was mainly seen in university students. The kinda people that have gone through it all and have found their own style and identity. Obviously each person has their own self and who they are. Im thankful everyday that Im not a jock.

What I really dont like tho is the whole flash nature thats been adopted. The haircuts? No Im sorry but they're stupid in my eyes. Granted I did have a phase of messing around with my own hair which I think now was very stupid but this is on a whole new level. Express yourself however you want but like it must be known that I will judge.

We're here again

Im listening to the song for soccer on Supersport, that one jam that Loser and Matt like. My little brother got it the other day and it reminded me of that time jamming and I had to have it, its put me in a really great mood.

It's funny how a song can change your mood from one thing to something else in a manner of seconds. I wasn't a grumpy sad sack or anything today, I was feeling very Msiziesque which is to say that I was feeling tasty but now Im feeling tastiest. Now that I've put my head on, everything just seems to be going in the order it should.

It's funny how on this very weekend a year ago, I asked a girl to be my girlfriend. Well thats not the funny part but the funny thing is how some of these events just repeat themselves. August last year I had girl drama, on the very same weeks this year I had girl drama, did anyone notice that? A month break from F1, same story this year. It was a month till my favourite sa band did something special, this year my favourite all time band are doing something.

I think a year has strengthened me though. I dont feel as vulnerable as before. If anything I feel a lot better. Im not the same person I was back then. I was a very confused young man faced with so many big decisions looming that it churned my brain to butter, I was very emotionally driven which isn't so bad but its not always the best. Stood Up by A Fine Frenzy is playing in my ears, its very fitting. Haha I dont want this to sound like a Clarkson and for this post to "symbolize freedom", I just want to put across my thoughts of being content.

All in all, everything works in cycles. There will be good times and bad times and it all goes round and round and thats what we call life. Do I follow the blueprint or do my own thing?

Selfish Son - Bloc Party

I took it too far
I took it too far
again
Cut me down
I took it too far
I took it too far again
On the Lower East
Side

I took it too far
I took it too far
again
Night bleeds into
day
I took it too far I took it too far
again
I nearly lost you

I can be cruel
I can be cruel to
you
I can be cruel
I can be cruel to
you, my love

Typical me
Typical Libra
Spit the dummy
Typical me
Typical Libra
The grass is always green

This city is razed on
borrowed time
Taxi meters, police
sirens
This city is razed on
borrowed time I nearly lost you

I can be cruel
I can be cruel to
you
I can be cruel
I can be cruel to
you I can be cruel
I can be cruel to
you
I can be cruel
I can be cruel to
you, my love

Selfish son
Selfish brother
Selfish child
Selfish lover

The magic of photography

A year ago on a drunken night

We are so ugly

Tulips

When you said tulips
I knew that you're mine
When I caught you there
Crying in the night
Wearing my jacket
Wearing that smile
I knew that I'd found you

This could be an opportunity

Were you unawares?
Did it catch you out?
Or did it break you in
Right from the start?
It's as pure as fire
It's as pure as snow
I knew that I'd found you

This could be an opportunity

If you promise to let it
If you promise to let it grow

'Cos you're the one I love

Goodbye for now, so long

I think over the passed few days I've sat alone with my thoughts long enough to find the peace I was looking for. I was at a point of confusion and indecision not so long ago, I was fighting with so many ideals being thrown around that it really did get to a point where I just had enough, I needed escape. Im a creature of flight but also a creature of comfort. If Im not comfortable then I flee because it makes no sense to be stuck in a spot where nothing feels right. Walking along Jan Smuts last weekend, I got a little flash back of a thought I had not so long ago of walking down a road similar to that at night, knowing that at that moment I was content with the world. It wasn't exactly how I'd envisioned it but I was content nonetheless.

I want it to be clear that I as a person, still do care for Stacey, albeit in a different way. There is no denying that she is the closest girl I've ever been to in a non physically beneficial way, she was and hopefully one day will be, my best doll mate. Sure i handled everything very very wrong, for which I am so profusely sorry but I guess things happen they way they do because its just how it is. We haven't spoken since that night, I respect her wish to not have any contact. I do however think that its sully to cut someone off like that completely but different people deal differently to things. I wouldnt be surprised if thoughts of me werent kindly greeted, thats a given and Im not too concerned about that. Do I think her and I can have friendship like we had before at some point later later? Well ekse I dont know but it'd be cool.

Two can play that game.

I've had enough of all those little silly quotes I keep reading everywhere that girls seem to love so much. My Twitter timeline is full of utter crap from all the retweets from things like OMGteens or LoveQuotesXD. Like chilled, each to his own and stuff but I just wish they weren't annoying little statements. "Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened" and "Its not what you're doing but who you're doing it with" and "Im a generic quotes whore but the funny thing is that Im a guy". I've decided that two can play at that game, for a limited time only Im gonna pull out some generic quotes for your asses so I can also cause headaches.

I took to this like a tiger

I must be on drugs or something. Ok well no Im not, Im just a little bit careless in my approaches and a little bit reckless when I shouldn't be. I'm not asking for forgiveness, Im not on a quest for redemption. I'm just a boy that lives a step at a time lately and so far it's been the best approach. Sure some would say that that is silly and that you're meant to worry yourself into a tizz over the things that'll come and the consequences that the future brings but if Im very hones, Im starting to think that things turn out the way they're meant to regardless of what you do. Try as you might sometimes but there are those times when the outcome cannot be manipulated by human efforts, there are those times when things just happen "for a reason". I don't wanna sound like one of those fairies that live off shoddy spirit links or one of those annoyingly optimistic eejits that believes that we have no power over our actions because we flipping do, we're human enough. I'm also not justifying anything I do by saying it all happens as it should and anything after that rightly shouldn't have.

I've forgotten what this post was meant to achieve and I'm not gonna go back and reread it again cuz then Im just editing my thoughts, I haven't free wheeled with a post like this in a while, it feels good. I can't say I've ever considered selling drugs, that's never been something I could imagine myself doing. Haha I think if I got one thing out of all that, it's that I can't picture myself pushing pills. Haha that was cute and funny but no...

Im no hero

Tonight was Tash's suprise party. I must say, Scunt and Dean Bo'Slice did their jobs brilliantly. I was expecting us to ruin it by coming late but luckily we didnt:)

I do hope James had a frikin fantastic party and I hope it was everything and more that she hoped for. I did spend an averaged sized portion of my night with Junior James who is flipping great:). Tonight I spent my evening with someone I know so flipping well and you I dont know anymore because of circumstance that has brought us that way. I have been hanging with my Gem often lately, we've just clicked like how we used to and many have speculated about her and I, I've fielded so many questions about whats happening between her and I that I've grown unbelievably old trying to answer each one. Just because you're hanging with someone, it doesn't mean you're shacking up together. Im still crazy about the doll, she's flipping fantastic and yes we had a moment tonight that I do understand is not quite ideal and for that Im very sorry and cannot begin to put that into words.

Do I feel bad? Yes I do. Am I cut? Yes I am. Does that affect my post and/or judgement? Not a chance. I do believe that all happens for a reason. I understand Im an asshole and will not try plead different. I wont justify my actions except to say that in all honesty, if anything changed then it wouldn't be a true reflection of tonight...

Well now we've startedWell now we've started

So now we've started the season. I think its quite a bit exciting to be taking part in something with your mates.

Last night we went to that Upbeat festival at Maroon Dog hound School. It was very disappointing I wont lie. Someone said, "It doesn't matter where you are but who you with" or some crap like that. Now thats fine in the world of fairy cakes and cotton candy clouds but like in real life it doesn't actually work like that. Im sorry but I am an undercover emo, Im very depressed at the best of times and I do like to eat ice cream from the tub but I'll tell you that that saying isn't so true. If I was about to be executed, I'd rather be by myself than having my mates subjected to the same thing. I've been in very terrible situations and I can tell you Im rather pleased I was by myself.

I've been looking on twitter and people seem to be living in worlds of quotes that paint pictures of fairies and unicorns and really thats great for them, like I dont care if they do, thats very nice but in real life its not like that. In real life Im sorry but its just egg on toast.

Egg and toast makes for a good treat. It's honestly the best breakfast in the world. I shall get into the politics of egg and toast at a later stage but for now we can all mull it over