Tuesday, February 12, 2013
A Thunderstorm In Town - Thomas Hardy.
And we stayed, because of the pelting storm,
Within the hansom's dry recess,
Though the horse had stopped; yea, motionless
We sat on, snug and warm.
Then the downpour ceased, to my sharp sad pain,
And the glass that had screened our forms before
Flew up, and out she sprang to her door:
I should have kissed her if the rain
Had lasted a minute more.
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Monday, February 11, 2013
Like the rest of us.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Are You Afraid?
Are you afraid? You know the deals are off the table and are left the vacant space vacated which you try to fill with any common vagrant. Filling up this void is not easy and it is the only reason you're so easily misleaded. You walk around grabbing at those that could stifle all longing but is it enough? When the heart you once had has turned so cold, are you proud of yourself?
Are you afraid? You've unleashed a terror that has no fears. You clipped the wings of a lover, sucked all the warm marrow from the bones. The result of your dirty work is the spoken heartbreak on the lips of another. You tore from this earth a love so pure and now all there is left, is the remnants in the hollow.
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Jackety.
The next week I go to Tyler's with Caro and she tells me Ayanda and Stacey know each other. That comes as a shock to me because these people live years from each other and I didn't think they were even in the same social circles. She then goes on to tell me that Ayanda was in fact with them and she was with some other guy who is supposedly her boyfriend. Now I don't mind that. I don't mind that she apparently has a boyfriend because I sure as hell wasn't about to be. I like everything we've been doing but I wasn't about to commit, I just came from all of that crap. I stumble upon a post on Facebook that she wrote about some boyfriend and I was at ease cause now I was in the clear. I assume I was there first which would make him the other guy and if not, I know I'm the guy you fool around with before you meet your actual boyfriend so for me it's all a win win.
Come the next friday, I get a message from her saying she's going to be at Origin. I was very cut at that time and I'm not sure if she'd called me first to ask what I was doing or what but next thing I know she's there and we've fallen into the swing of things. At some point in the night, Caro asked her what was up with this whole situation and she said she doesn't have a boyfriend, doesn't like anyone except for me and was afraid I didn't feel the same for her. She came to me later on in the night and raised these concerns with me and I had one of those moments where my sober mind and drunk mind had a fight. My drunk mind was telling me to just go with it, how hard could having another girlfriend really be? It's not like I didn't like her or anything so why not. My sober mind on the other hand didn't quite know what to do so he did the best thing he possibly could, he set every alarm bell going in my mind and I just walked away. I don't remember how it all went down but I'm still single and that's what counts. I could date her, I really could and it would be great, except for the little fact that I'm just not yet ready to be anything to anyone. i still have to mean something to me and until that happens, I'm not going to be tied down with anyone.
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Lucille.
I forget about her. The next day I say a few words to her, a little here and there and then that's it for our interaction. It carries on the same for two more days but then they turn the next day. Now I'm the kind of guy who doesn't mind a girl sitting on my lap, I'd rather she do that than I sit on hers, but I do mind if it's someone I'm not so friendly with. If a random wants to sit on my lap, they have to ask and not take liberty with my lap, it's not a free for all. I'm sitting with a few friends on a bench and this little lady climbs atop my seated throne without even asking me and I'm like 'WTFudge?'. I keep quiet. Later on, we speak about something a little dodgy and in doing so, she endears herself to me. In the following weeks we do a little talking, all is going well, I'm pulling shapes and my planets are aligning and then I find out she has a boyf.
Now for me, girl's with boyfs are a no go. I refuse to get involved in the middle someone's relationship because I'd hate for someone to get in the middle of mine. As someone who has had it happen surprisingly a lot, it's no surprise that it just isn't my scene. But that's what I tell myself. I pull some back tracking manoeuvres and start to beat a bit of a hasty retreat but then the sly vixen kind of ropes me in. I'm not saying I feel the need to make this one an exception and meddle in her business but I'm sitting thinking about how bad it could possibly be, I mean what's the worst that could happen? So a few days pass of me being on the fence, I keep it in mind but I still carry on with my normal life on the side and then I get to this day. Today I am pretty sure I'm not about to meddle. The ex ended up having a thing with two guys that saw fight to stick their noses where they didn't belong and that has always grinded my gears. I don't want to be that kind of guy. I know I could handle it and I know it would all mean nothing to me in the long run if I just had a small fling but I refuse to be caught up in something that involves another person. I'd rather the third person be a speculation than a certainty, which is something else I'm dealing with at the moment, but until she calls quits on this guy, which I know is coming soon, I have my foot jammed hard on the brake.
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Bloc Party Live.
That was the night I felt utterly happy and content. I still think about just how epic every single second of that night was and also having Corinne there, possibly one of my all time favourite people, there really made it a night to remember.
Picture courtesy of the magicians at Whizz Kids Radio Beta.
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