You notice her to be something very special. You go out of your way to make her notice you. You put in hours upon hours of spade work. Finding every excuse to be on her mind. Doing everything in your power to have just an extra moment with her. You go all out. She gets swept off her feet. She agrees to be yours. You've done it, you've finally made it, So then tell me, why did you give up?

I don't quite understand why we seem to think that once we've gotten the girl, we can sit back and relax. If anything, once you have the girl, that's when all the hard work truly begins. I cannot believe that I've allowed myself to fall into that trap of being a complacent idiot lately. I've only ever had one serious relationship. I've had relationships before but none of them really count as much as that one did. I did my work. I put in the hours. I did the small things, I did the big things. I did it all. I was easily at my best as far as Msizi the Boyfriend goes. These days people will look at me and think I'm speaking trash. "How could this guy possibly be anything even remotely close to a human when he's such a dick?" I know right now that there are a few girls that harbor nothing but hate for me. I've seen the looks. I've felt the cold stares. I'm not proud of it. After having given so much of myself to a person, I just felt like I never could give of myself again and so after that, I just never did. I never bothered to be the best for someone else. I was only the best for me. I looked out for number one and it's been something I've been doing ever since.

I tried to get my redemption. I tried to make amends where I could. I figured if I found someone I thought was special enough then I could go on to be a better man. I found her. She exists. I don't. I've been a mediocre, hollow shell. I know I've said all this before but I've been jank. I don't understand why it's been so damn hard for me to just relax a little and be a little more real. Tell her she's wonderful. Tell her she's on my mind. Tell her I'm proud of her. Tell her she's bite-the-back-of-my-hand beautiful. You know, tell her the truth. I think I just got so swept up in trying to be this unmoved, cold hearted dude that I lost sight of what's important.The most important thing as a guy is for you to make a lady feel like the angel she really is. I've just noticed that as guys we've been flopping at this lately. I've seen it come from characters I'd never expect it from, to people that have it coming out their ears. I'm embarrassed and it's been sitting heavy on my heart the last couple of weeks. I've come to accept that I've been wrong, very wrong, and a useless oke through and through but it changes. It changes. I have no worries when it comes to looking a little "gay", not if it does the job of making a girl feel good.