Bring Back The Scouse

People these days seem to have forgotten just how much of a genius I am. That, I have to be honest, is my fault. I haven't been flexing my genius muscles because I've been so preoccupied but I think I should just dump some wisdom on you peasants.

The World Cup has just started and we've seen a lot of crazy games. The craziest though has to be the demolishing of Spain, 5-1 by the high flying Dutchmen. Spain put their faith in Diego Costa which I guess was a wise move but he's untried on such a huge platform. On the bench they had Fernando Torres, someone who has been a footballing wunderkind but has since fallen right off the wagon. Torres has failed miserably as a striker over the last few years and I think it's time I laid out how we should go about getting him back up.

When Torres was at Liverpool, I hated him. I hated the fact that he played for Scouser scum and I hated the fact he was such a genius football player. I hated that he was a little uncouth. I hated that he could score so many brilliant goals and after the match he'd throw up in your mom's favourite flower pot. He was a scouse and didn't care. I loved Torres. When he came to Chelsea, it all changed. He was brought into a highbrow London club that was prissy and high street. We would not accept acting out. What!? You're at Chelsea and you think you can come onto the field without your pinky in the air?! By Jove! We snuffed the scouser out of Torres and that's where we went wrong. We tried to rehabilitate him and in that he lost himself.

You see, Fernando Torres has given up. You look at this and you're like, "Yeah Msizi, you speak truth my man. You're a genius and I don't question it." But some of you may look at that and say, "Msizi, you ethereal man of knowledge, surely you of all people know that Torres hasn't given up. He trains so hard and gives off so much on the field, just because he isn't scoring, doesn't mean you have to be harsh." And you know what, both of you are right but I'm not talking about on the field. I'm talking about in life. Torres has a pair of hair clippers in his locker room. Those are the same clippers Jose used to shave his own hair into a tennis ball and so came the decline of Chelsea's field antics. When a man cuts his own hair, he's given up. What in you must die for you to think, "You know what, I don't really feel like going out of my way to consult a professional stylist, do something to my hair and deal with the up keep. I'll just shave it here at home because it's easier to manage". When has easier to manage ever been good? If living an "easier to manage" life was the best then we'd all be driving diesel 7 seater MPVs and we'd only wear beige and olive green tracksuit pants and polo necks. When you give up on your appearance, you give up on yourself. When Torres cut his hair, his decline to the bottom of the barrel was imminent. The fire died the day he bought the clippers out.

My best friend Fernando Torres has become too comfortable. He earns around £175 000 a week and you know what, he deserves it. He's done so well in his life to command that kind of pay package but it's become too much. What we need to do to bring back our old 'Nando is to put him on the dole. His family can still benefit from his high pay, don't let innocent people suffer but Torres must start from the bottom, all over again. Take him back to his scouser roots, where he played like a machine. Living on the high street has made him soft. Take away his Aston Martin, make him pull a Mancini and ride a bike to training. Use the bus. The only time he should be around his beautiful beast of a machine is when he's washing it. Wax on, wax off. It worked for the Karate Kid so it most definitely work for a talent like Torres.

Also, the biggest problem is that, I don't think 'Nando can speak english so well. This is also a good thing though because then he can't fully understand what his haters are saying but that also means he can't understand what his team mates are saying. The thing about London is that it has become a multi-ethnic melting pot of diversity. He can get away with being comfortable not speaking English, no one will judge him. Back in Liverpool, people are too thick to learn new languages so he had to suffer and learn the language and in his suffering, he became a football king. If Gary Cahill is gonna clear the ball from the back and Torres is in a position to get the ball over the head of the last defender, ol' Gazza can't suddenly learn Spanish in that short time and say, "El Fernando, los ballos over die headen! Arriba!". It's not gonna happen. He's gonna be like, "Oi Fezza, get ya'self out 'nd o'er t last man, squire" but Nando can't understand that so he'll fall back and the ball will go over and the keeper will get it. Also, when he scores a goal - which he does and they're beautiful - he can't celebrate fully because SUCK MY DICK just doesn't translate well into Spanish.

So basically, what we need to do, to get our Torres back is to really work on his whole appearance and how people perceive him. At Liverpool, his best mate was an Englishman so it's important that this happens again. At Liverpool he had the best hair of anyone and it's important that this happens again. At Liverpool he worked hard behind the scenes and it's important this happens again. We need to stop looking at Torres as someone who came and became a flop of money because that is simply not true. He is still a giant talent and I feel there's a lot that he can offer on and off the field. Torres just came in at a time where things were changing and he got left behind because no one understood him. The only man who could've taken him into the future was Anceloti and he was sacked before he could walk 'Nando through. I believe that if you gave me 6 months with Torres, I could bring you what we've all been needing to see from the man. Spanish Football is dead now, we need to move on to the future. We need to bring back the scouser.

Comfort Eejit

What are you doing up here so late? When last did we see your face around these parts. You've been scare old friend. Where have you been, it's almost like you did not exist.

Oh, you won't tell me where you've been? Well that's ok. It's not like I don't already know. I was with you. You know I was with you. You know I was with you because you called for me. You called for me and you never stopped, I just wish you would've come for me. You know where I was. I stood by you each and every time. The rise and the fall. You've come out from your inequities. You don't see it yet but you're bolder, stronger, in tune with that which you thought was lost.

You're still not impressed though are you. Silly old friend. You're still wrapped up in things that steal your time. I can see that you see and seeing that I see you see yourself being done with it all. That's the mark. That's the stride you'll take once more. Strong foot and steady step, they guide you. I see you old friend, on your resurrection. You were lost but never alone. I was beside you, always will be.

Dry Wall Tastes Better Than This.

You know, I've spent a good deal of time thinking about this. I've spent literal moments of time agonizing over how any of this could work out this way? How can something take such a dire turn in events and end up like this. Something doesn't make sense here. Someone isn't quite fully here.

I think I've been called every name there is to be called in this situation and you know what, I'm sure I'm deserving of some of it. I'm sure I've done enough to warrant some of the things you hold against me and that's ok, I know that and I've owned up to that. But what I don't get is how it's so easy for you to take all that, without pause or question, and take it up as the absolute truth. That's just something I've always failed to understand. I'm the kind of person who likes to understand something. I want to know the reason behind something. I want to see the strings that control the puppetry. I fail to see that in you. I fail to see the need to fully understand a concept, to take it further than as what it's laid before you to be but to know it as a whole idea. I've wondered about this for so long now.

Why do I say this? Well it's simple really. Every time we've had some sort of fall out, it's been a barrage laid at me with a whole, "me against the world" type attitude. The go-to stance of those in fear. It took me a while to notice - although I don't know why when all the signs were there. The countless times I'd been told about this, you'd swear I'd have had it under wraps - and really that came to bite me hard on the soft globes. Granted everyone will do what is necessary to do in a situation to make sure they come out on top. That's just basic self preservation and I'm guilty of that. The easiest thing to do though when faced with something you don't quite fully understand or feel comfortable with is to try tear it down and lash against it. We fear what we don't understand and I can only conclude that's what you were doing. You told me many times that you feared I could destroy you and if I really wanted to then I'm sure I could have but the simple truth here is that you played as much an active role in all this as I did. Never once was my intention for anything bad to come out of this. Not once did I say, "You know what, I'm gonna set out now and do my best to get under this person's skin, really play with their emotions for my own personal ends." Not once did I see this as something to take lightly. The whole playing with emotions deal is a serious thing and a lot of damage can be done.

I think I got wound up into this web a whole lot quicker than I would've liked and yes, for that I can commend you but I can't give you all the credit. I definitely left my defenses way low down. I came into this with no fore-thought. Not a single alarm went off in my head, nothing. Whether it was me being unbelievably trusting and willing to be open or just a lapse of complete concentration, I don't know but something in my mind never really clicked for me to wade with caution. And caution for what? What's the worst thing that could possibly happen. Since when did anything bad happen to Msizi! I'm fine. I'm always fine and always will be, that's the beauty and tragedy of being me. No matter how much something truly does affect me, I'll never let on. Right now this could be seen as me showing that all of this bothered me more than I'd like to admit but on the other side of the coin, this could just be me playing a game. All of this could've been one gigantic farce. Those are two quite real possibilities. It's sad and fascinating at the same time.

It's a bit sad though innit? I mean both of us could turn around and play either one of those roles, whether it meant something or whether it didn't and the other party would accept it. Like I know you may one day read this and think, "ah this eejit is speaking trash, I said what I said that night and he forgot and now he's got the audacity to say all this!?" and in a way you'd be right to react that way but also you'd have no right to at all. Because when it comes down to it, I didn't choose to end up the way I did that night, not once did I expect for that to happen and besides that, the fact that you never once brought it up goes to show that even if it did all mean as much as you said it did, it couldn't have meant that much at all if you could suddenly turn cold to it like that. That's really all that gets to me. The whole, "Well if things don't follow this set path then it's just not it" mentality you follow. I can see how it works and such but that narrow scope is more damaging in the long run than anything and I really hope one day you see it.

I harbour no ill feeling towards you but I don't have any others. Whether you're friend or foe I do not know, I guess it depends on the day right now. We have no communication and if that's how it is then so be it, I don't feel strongly about whether we do or don't because both have their benefits and their pitfalls. I told myself to take a step back and see if anything would come from your side and nothing did and so that's that. Although that's also quite dumb of me to be making assumptions, something I so strongly hate, but sometimes you just have to go with it. For the record I kept it 100% with you, whether it was blind devotion or what, I don't know but that's what it was. I'm not upset or anything either, this post really probably won't even be seen by you and that's great. I didn't write it for that. It was just a closing thought, one I may have completely wrong, one I may not. Who knows. I just have ultimo peace right now and that's really what the purpose of this thing was. It was for me.

Anyway, I've lost my train of thought and no, this isn't some attempt to take on your character or what not, it's just my simple rant on something I can only understand, simply.