Next.

When you meet someone, wouldn't it be great to kind of learn all there is to know about them? If someone walked into the room and a little pop up appeared above their head as you weighed up your interest towards them. Things like: Name, age, location, number of people in family and three other facts about them and a straight tripping one to close it off. Kinda like the pop up you get on Next. Wouldn't it be great to know all there is about another person.

I don't know though. I mean ideally it would be excellent to be on the same page with someone but mystery is often so much more intriguing. If I didn't have to search for the answers to some things then I would never really take much interest in them. If I had all the knowledge I wanted at  my doorstep then I would never leave the house. I doubt I'd try so hard to get to know and understand people if it was all given to me. I've met so truly great characters and it's taken time to get to this point and it's been worth it because I understand so much more about it.

I'd also hate it if that happened. At the end of the day I am a bit of a private person. Sure I devulge some of my innermost feelings and ideas onto this silly little page on the internet for all to see and stuff but truthfully speaking, I still keep a lot cards to my chest. Often not out of choice or anything, mainly it's because the time for all of that has passed. You gather all your info at a young age and then kind of start adding substance to it as you grow. If you weren't there when I was young then unlucks bud. I'm a lot less interesting than people would assume so I'm not about to ruin that by giving it all away.

When you meet someone, it would be terrible to learn all there is to know about them.

D'ya Know How Weird This All Can Be Sometimes?

I've written this post about 100 times since opening this thing.

D'ya know how weird this all can be sometimes? I'm not a character who likes to count their chickens before they hatch. I'll be poes optimistic and such things but I try my level best not to jump the gun. Sometimes it can be that I end up not even starting, that's how not into looking foolish I can be. This weekend I was in the land of milk and honies. I was zoned in like a cruise missle. I had everything set, I smelt as great as expensive whiskey and leather bound books. I'd even bothered to wear clothes that kinda worked together; all in all I was in it to kill it. The funny thing is though, the only thing I killed was my pocket.

When you called me, when I was in line, that was sneaky. Haha it broke my resolve. I've often told myself that I didn't really need to pull because I had something else occupying my mind and for the most part it's worked. I've been king of dry for long but these past few weeks I've been questioning myself. Why am I keeping myself when there was this giant barrier between me and what I was keeping myself for, you know? It didn't make sense. When that was suddenly moved, I figured well then it's all been worth it because now it made sense again. But no. Just because that's not there anymore, doesn't mean that everything is hunky dory. If anything, shit just got real. Now with no barrier in between, it was finally beginning and that means that there's so much more at stake. With this thinking I kinda figured that it was imperative I pull. I can't just suddenly assume I had an automatic in. These things take time and I of all people know what it's like to need a transition period, so I wasn't gonna impose. I was gonna pull, give us a bit of time and then when it all had blown over, see what was what. I hate not being certain so that seemed the most logical step to me.

When you called I'd been mad psyched up and raring to go but after speaking to you it kinda made me go, ''Eh, what a strange cat.'' That's what I'd been working towards, this little drunken looney telling me stories about benches at odd hours. It was fantastic. Haha it blew my resolve wide open and I ended up being fully satisfied with just getting on with girls. We were gonna kick it the next day and the last thing I wanted to do before going into unfamiliar territory is going in with seemingly bad news. I don't know how you'd take it. For all I know you wouldn't give two flying tits and that would be cool, but there's also the chance that it would bother you and that's not something I was too hot on. I know it's a little gay and stuff but I don't care for judgements, I'm a flipping boss. Oh, there were a few girls that took my eye, some even very high up my hitlist but they paled in comparison. It was a strange moment for me and I don't know how I feel about  being such a girl about this all but it all seemed worth it the next day. I don't know if it was because I was still a little drunk, having only slept a few hours or if I was feeling the full effects of a shag rug but that little pink island on your floor was by far one of the best moments I've had in a very long time.

I'm not about to get ahead of myself here. I'm far from ever expecting anything grand still and lord knows there's still some time you need and you can have it all, every single ounce of it that you need because for me, until you come right, all I need is that shag rug.

Treat Her Kindly.

Most people would say I'm against relationships. They could argue that I'm not one who wants to see others succeed and that's not true. That's why I'm writing these filthy words to try help keep you guys together. The thing about relationships is that most of them will end in faliure. You've got a limited time to do what you do and make an impression. That's all it really is, leaving a legacy. Leave behind you a million thoughts and feelings that will forever have you etched inside of her heart stones.

Women love it when you compliment them. Never ever take that for granted. A woman could never tire of hearing how wonderful you think she is. They may say they do but that's just because you're doing it wrong. Your girl is your princess. She's the only one you've got and you need to make sure she knows and understands that. Compliment your lady on all the things that society says you must. Her eyes, hair, breasts, derriere, legs and such things. Those are givens. Those are things that you usually can't go wrong with but they can also become quite over done. Once you've done all those a few hundred times then it starts to sound forced and fake. That's where most guys fall off. They fail to realise when they've overplayed something and that makes it so much easier for another guy with fresh perspective to swoop in and dunk a basket on your head by taking your girl from you. Personally what I like to do once all that is exhausted, is that I like to go another route. Compliment the obscure.

Find out what she hates about herself and make that your obsession, but in a good way. If she hates her toes then don't tell her that they look like nik naks, make her feel good about them. Make her learn to love her flaws. We all like to hear good things about the things we hate in ourselves from other people. As her man, you need to understand this and never drop the ball in this department. Make Cinderella forget where she came from. I learnt this once and chose to stick it close by to me. I look now and feel content when I see the confident smiles I created. They may think that they've always loved their flaws but it often dawns on them that there's someone who once told them only good about what they thought was bad and that person was you. If you can do that my friend then I promise you she'll still be thinking about you long after you guys are through. We're all here together to build each other up and you never forget the people that made you. Treat her kindly and she will not only love you for it, but she'll also never forget what you did for her.

Leave The Coffee In The Cupboard.

This year I've decided to release a mini-series of relationship advice. I think it's a long time coming. I've got years of experience of never actually being in a proper relationship so I know what I'm talking about. This will be a series of do as I say, not as I do.

You know when you're at your girl's house and you're all chilling watching tv with her ballies. It's within the first 50 times you've been to hers so everything is still a bit awkward. You don't know where everything is but you're trying your best to get into the fold and you offer to make everyone tea and coffee? Bad move. Everyone takes their warm beverages seriously. I don't care if you're hotter than Megan Fox with Amber Rose's booty, if you can't make good coffee then you'll be relegated to the ex girlfriend pile soon enough. I've seen the strongest couples come undone because someone couldn't make a good cup of java.

Firstly her dad only drinks French pressed coffee from the highest mountains in Guam and each teaspoon is worth a small Estonian village. Her mom likes her tea milky but is lactose intollerant unless the milk is heated up to a certain degree and if it isn't perfect then she's gonna be incontinent for the next hour. Her brother who secretly is a chill nigga is gonna give you a hard time because he's just a dick and that's what makes you guys the most likeliest to be mates and her sister will hate you forever so whatever you do will be trash anyway. You get in the kitchen and you're like, ''Shiiieeeet. Uhm, babe, can you help me out here please?''

That's your first flop. Never call your girl by pet names within the first 50 visits. Her family will crucify you. Also, never offer to do anything unless you know you can do it without having to be helped. Getting help will make you look weak and her dad will never respect you until you fight one another outside the Keg at 2 am in the morning.

There's so much that could go wrong with the hot beverages offer that most inexperienced guys should stay far away. Until you have your story straight and can do all is needed of you without flopping, don't try. Nothing worse than sipping your coffee contently whilst her mom is on the bog, her dad is bemoaning his ruined cuppa and her sister is giving you the danger eyes and her brother is fixing to poes you because you called his little sister what he calls his latest conquest.