D'ya Know How Weird This All Can Be Sometimes?

I've written this post about 100 times since opening this thing.

D'ya know how weird this all can be sometimes? I'm not a character who likes to count their chickens before they hatch. I'll be poes optimistic and such things but I try my level best not to jump the gun. Sometimes it can be that I end up not even starting, that's how not into looking foolish I can be. This weekend I was in the land of milk and honies. I was zoned in like a cruise missle. I had everything set, I smelt as great as expensive whiskey and leather bound books. I'd even bothered to wear clothes that kinda worked together; all in all I was in it to kill it. The funny thing is though, the only thing I killed was my pocket.

When you called me, when I was in line, that was sneaky. Haha it broke my resolve. I've often told myself that I didn't really need to pull because I had something else occupying my mind and for the most part it's worked. I've been king of dry for long but these past few weeks I've been questioning myself. Why am I keeping myself when there was this giant barrier between me and what I was keeping myself for, you know? It didn't make sense. When that was suddenly moved, I figured well then it's all been worth it because now it made sense again. But no. Just because that's not there anymore, doesn't mean that everything is hunky dory. If anything, shit just got real. Now with no barrier in between, it was finally beginning and that means that there's so much more at stake. With this thinking I kinda figured that it was imperative I pull. I can't just suddenly assume I had an automatic in. These things take time and I of all people know what it's like to need a transition period, so I wasn't gonna impose. I was gonna pull, give us a bit of time and then when it all had blown over, see what was what. I hate not being certain so that seemed the most logical step to me.

When you called I'd been mad psyched up and raring to go but after speaking to you it kinda made me go, ''Eh, what a strange cat.'' That's what I'd been working towards, this little drunken looney telling me stories about benches at odd hours. It was fantastic. Haha it blew my resolve wide open and I ended up being fully satisfied with just getting on with girls. We were gonna kick it the next day and the last thing I wanted to do before going into unfamiliar territory is going in with seemingly bad news. I don't know how you'd take it. For all I know you wouldn't give two flying tits and that would be cool, but there's also the chance that it would bother you and that's not something I was too hot on. I know it's a little gay and stuff but I don't care for judgements, I'm a flipping boss. Oh, there were a few girls that took my eye, some even very high up my hitlist but they paled in comparison. It was a strange moment for me and I don't know how I feel about  being such a girl about this all but it all seemed worth it the next day. I don't know if it was because I was still a little drunk, having only slept a few hours or if I was feeling the full effects of a shag rug but that little pink island on your floor was by far one of the best moments I've had in a very long time.

I'm not about to get ahead of myself here. I'm far from ever expecting anything grand still and lord knows there's still some time you need and you can have it all, every single ounce of it that you need because for me, until you come right, all I need is that shag rug.