Sometimes you can be so right that it's basically fatal for my ego to admit. Sometimes you can be so wrong that it's fatal for my ego to accept. This time you're right.

When it comes to being a dick, I'm the head honcho. Most times I don't even do it on purpose, especially not to you. I've been so out of the loop when it comes to dealing with someone's emotions over a long period of time that I fully understand that I'm rusty. I kinda wish it wasn't you that had to deal with all this fine tuning because you don't deserve that. You're the only one I can openly say that I would drop what I'm doing just to be by your side in a heartbeat. I know that's faggoty but it's true. You've got a bit of a point. Well you've got a substantially large point. When it comes to playing games, I'm captain. Like I said before, I've let my edges get so rough that smoothing them out is taking a little longer than I would've hoped.

I'm sure you hate me right now and I don't blame you, right now I hate me for making you hate me, and then on top of that I hate me for making you hate me and hate me for making you hate me, hate me. I've gone and confused myself there but basically even though it doesn't seem that way, I'm a lot softer these days than before and that's foreign to me. Yes I am a closed book. I'm a shut 100 000 page book of twisted workings that I'm both surprised and flattered that you'd even want to even look in this direction. It won't happen over night but I do think that I could find myself turning the pages for you. I know it will take time and at the same time I can be so pushy about time that it's a bit of a cooked situation. How can I be like, Ahh I need time to get comfy and then at the same time complain that we don't spend time. Twisted.

I'll admit I am way more open and stuff when I'm drunk and that's because at that time I'm not afraid of any judgement. These days you say a few things and then all of a beeswax you're taken for an emotional fool and next thing you know you're a heaving mess of gnarled up nerve endings in the shower, trying to scrape away memories and writing sad hiakus on the shower window with your tears. That's not a good look for anyone - I never want that to be me. I definitely care which way this thing goes. Haha I care a poes load. I would never have blogged about you if I didn't. This is my little chamber and what makes it onto here means a lot to me, you mean a lot to me. I'm sorry I give off the impression of someone who doesn't care, it's a defence mechanism more than anything. I hate failure and the last thing I'd want to do is fail here, right where it counts the most.

 I understand that you've told me so much about you. It feels like I've known you for ages, in the time we've spent together I've come to know and understand so much about you and it's barely even been the length of a ball hair. There are obviously still parts of you that I know nothing about or understand at all and this is why we're having this sub-blogging thing going on. In time.

Anyway, I have a whole lot more to say but I don't think it's all right to say it on here. There's just some things that should be said and not left to be read on a cheap blog. I'm sorry I hurt you, that was me being an idiot at my finest. I seem to be doing that a lot these days, I'm gonna end that shit.