What do I think?

What do I think, as someone involved? Well I think that we're at a point where we're either calling everything off or we really try hard to make this thing work. I feel as if you're basically biding your time, slowly making our way to the point of a split. Personally that is the very last thing I want and if it comes to that, I can say with all honestly that I'll feel like the biggest tit to walk this planet. All I wanted was for this time to finally work and it has the potential to work against all odds but you're leaving me as cold as ice and so confused that I really think that you've already half stepped out the door.

We've been here before. We become super busy for a while and then all of the fighting starts, we stop communicating properly and in my case, I start going out more often just for a bit of a breather. I knew we were on the path to breaking up last time, I was already dealing with it before you said it and by the time it came, I was fine. I guess I'm at that point now too, if we get the axe then I'll hopefully come through scar free and I'd be lying if I said I was gonna keep things like last time. If we fail then I'm gone, that's me, gone for good. Not just as a boyfriend but as a person, I won't exist in your world at all because I can't deal with that, I don't want reminders of what we had and how we let it go down just like before, I'll feel too embarrassed to even admit to ever being here.

I don't want that to happen. We've failed before, we now have something to use to our advantage. We know where we went wrong last time and we can fix that, I hope. We're not stupid, we know what needs to be done but we're too stubborn to be fully understanding to really have an open conversation like we really should and that there will be our death. I know I've been very busy as of late and I'm very drained physically and mentally that it really takes it out of me to be dealing with everything at the rate it comes but I'm more than willing to if it means saving something I hold dear. I'm not gonna make any bones about it, I love you and having you as mine has made me happier than anything else ever has, I'm not going down quietly on this one. I'm not letting you get away with meagre explanations and I know you struggle at saying what you wanna say but if there is any chance of fixing this then you're gonna have to step up and I am more than willing to better myself because I'm as faulty as they flipping come. If you want time to go and find yourself again then be my guest, but I'm not sitting here drawing on walls.

We're not about to fail, I'm not accepting that.