I was doing some work today, sat down, really hammering up my work. I looked up and Celeste and Calvin were suddenly there. Calvin was trying to will the computer to do his bidding, vaguely succeeding and Celeste was sat on his lap. That's not a strange sight, we've all gotten used to it. They were a bit of a surprise match up. Celeste being the clean cut image girl and Calvin, the grunge kid. No one saw it coming but when it did, we all just kinda stood back and nodded approvingly, well I did. For a common occurence, why would it have any value. Why would I bother posting about that? Well, it got me thinking...
The Face and I have recently called time on us. Essentially we were together, not dating, but with an option to extend contract down the line. For me, that was perfect. I'm still deep in the swing of Singledom. I've got so many things happening in my world at the moment (so does she) and a relationship would just add so much more belly stress. We have a history so us being together wasn't anything new, we dated a few years back. There was a bit of a mash up of things when we were coming to us being together this time around. There were other characters involved, we hooked up, it was a bit like something you'd see in a romcom, mda cheesy.
We had our cute moments. I can't think of when I had so many surprise influxes of affection before. No one made me so soft in the core with such minimal effort in such a small space of time. She is something special in my eyes. It's as if my eyes were being opened to this emotion thing for the first time, it was something hectic. It was something geared up to be quite special. When I saw Celeste and Calvin, it made me think of it all again. Here they were, seemingly different and making things work and I couldn't forge anything out with someone almost exactly like me.
That being said though, we did have our moments. We're two head strong characters who shoot from the hip. We're open but also quite guarded at the same time. It's like two tigers. Tigers are solitary animals, only coming together to mate and then after that it's warfare. When we fought it was almost like that. One if us is gonna try get an upperhand somehow and letting go of that is something that'll never happen, not even if the world crumbled and was swallowed up by Jupiter. Even in it's crappiest moments, it was fun.
I've come to the conclusion that I must be jaded. I don't know what's up with me but these days I have a knack for messing things up. My flight or fight gauge seems to be set on flight. I've used up so much fight that now I'm just like, "Eh, whatever happens, happens". That isn't ideal for anyone trying to get involved with me. It makes me a volatile creature and no one wants that when they're trying to get a little bit of normality in this crazy world. The thing I like most about her is that she's set in stone. There are no surprises. If something is meant to go this way, then it'll go this way. There's no veering off, there's no unpredictability. That's not me. I fly by the seat of my pants. We'll do this now and reflect on the moment later, no matter what may come of it. I've always been someone who thinks in their own messed up way and that sometimes doesn't translate well with the norm. Admittedly, she is exactly what I need, focus. A good tight backhand that slaps me back into shape when I start to fly skew. Obviously right now we haven't had time to really gel and I think that's what made us come to this. In time, it would've worked out perfectly. I feel like if it was given the time, more effort from both parties (I know I need to pull my socks up) things would've gone differently. We were forced into a decision and so this is it. I just couldn't help but think, what if we were like Calvin and Celeste?
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