I'll stop procrastinating tomorrow

I've come to realize that I am a chronic procrastinator.

Its been a while since I've come back from Splashy, I still have my washing sitting not in the washing basket, I still haven't finished my Splashy post and I still haven't done half of all the other things I was meant to after Splashy and this is all because I've fallen into the Later Later Trap. I was meant to be going for runs every morning and I'll wake up on time, get changed, look out the window and just fade into a deep sleep and this morning is when I finally realized Im a useless motivationless waste of being, chickens have more intent with their heads off and blood spurting out the top of their necks.

Tomorrow if I dont sort myself out then I may as well resign as a human and become a sheep or something with no will to live or do anything.

My quiet den is crowded with the screams of, "Rescue me."

My days have been filled with me in a bad space. My my head has been taken over by thoughts that should never ever trouble a dashing youth like myself and it is because of those that seek my attention and sympathy.

Chilled I dont mind giving attention and/or sympathy or any other emotion when I can see a genuine need to and Im feeling nice but those that come properly bugging from the start and just pull out these bogus claims then ay ekse, I couldn't give a crap. So now this girl has come and potentially shattered the world as we know it, it'll never ever exist in the same thread as before and my mind is running at a million miles from home and then she tunes, "ah no its all hunky dory now" and Im like "Excuse me? You're the one who was telling me of the apocalypse coming and the many signs of the death of a planet and its life forms and now you're saying its a false alarm? Bitch please."

That also brings me to something else, not of the same vein but also a thought I had. So lately there's all this speculation going around about whats happening in my love life, Im no celebrity so I didnt understand where all this talk was coming from and frankly I dont see any fascination with anything I do so I dont understand why randoms would question me about anything? See another thing thats transpired, and I'd already known this, is that my sweet little dearest cannot be alone. Im sorry my dear to call you out on this but it must be put out there for this section of the post to make sense. She has this level of being wanted that I've never seen in any other person before, this want to be central to all which is cute and everything but not when you're dealing with what you think is the scum of the earth and everything has now become a major exaggeration for reasons unexplainable to others. 6 months and 29 days is a long time. I know how when something bothers you its as if the sun has been swallowed by the moon and its reason to stress, I understand how if you're upset we must have a moments silence for the happiness that's gone astray and if it were anyone else honestly I would've told them to go die in a trench of rotting corpses but those words have never passed my lips. So chilled I get the floating speculations going on about you and I cuz I know how you'll stress something, its probably why your friends dont like me cuz lord knows how bad things may have been made to sound when you were upset but I mean its chilled, the only problem with doing things like that is I'd hate for one thing to be said and then I go and say another, that'll piss me off and make me look like an eejit and eejit just isn't my colour.

There is a new swear word

You know those words that people say that just go and annoy you to no end just by their mere mention? Like they're normal words that usually have less meaning than a dead cat but because they strike a nerve or they're just silly they annoy straight away.

Last night I was speaking to people on various social networking devices and for some odd reason, all they could say was lv? Now I know lazy mofo's cant spell or anything but come on, saying love especially when you calling someone that isn't that hard. In my eyes honestly its a mark of a lack of respect and you may as well call me Cantore or something. Im very picky about the words said to me and how I take them and thats just one that is an instant turn off, I lost count of how many times I've been like, "Well that was a decent conversation to that point, clear and close." Its like taking a crap at the breakfast table and still expecting to be invited over for lunch, its just a no go.

I think its because back in the day lv and luv were used when trying to chat someone up or for someone you didnt give a crap about. Haha I was told I've become very anally retentive which is funny cuz its my old age.

A snap decision happens on the spot, not after we've come back from milling the fields.

Its funny how we falter on the spot right, snap thinking has lead to some really great things in life, and so in a sense they are the best. I guess I've gotten used to the whole thinking for myself thing, the whole one guy mentality, where this moment is where it is and is what counts.

Ok I lie, I still have that whole mentality I had for 6 months and 29 days, makes a few things difficult but I mean Im not complaining, its saved me many an awkward moment just this weekend so maybe it pays off?

Ok Im lying again. What pays off is having an understanding that doesn't befit your character if you know what I mean so its a bit of both things. Its like walking on the road but you're walking on the dividing line. I feel like my little oasis of calm has been raped from me, like it was never meant to be mine and now I must suffer and be put to the stake. Like really its chilled, I understand we value people and situations differently. I feel like Im working with Wallow here, at least he speaks it as he sees it, he will call an orange an orange and he will chow it too just so any doubters will know, or cuz he's just keen to chow an orange?

Age has nothing to do with anything cuz I can tell anyone I was born in 1983 and they'll believe me, it could even be true but what really defines it is if I act that age you know? I usually dont act 18, in fact that is just a silly number to me, Im chilled with most things that I may as well be 15 but when it comes to that which I take seriously, like my emotional well being then it makes sense to act like what my I.D says so if you want to muck about when Im trying to speak to you on a normal level then its your baby.

God forbid if its thought I'll just wait here forever cuz that aint true, once boredom strikes with free reign then obviously I'll entertain myself in other ways.

Im probably painted as this boyfriend who did nothing but treat his girl like a second rate bath mat and with the company you keep, I really wouldn't expect any less and it doesn't really phase me. Forget the fact that not a single word has come from me to deface your character in anyway, forget that when you really think about it, half the things claimed barely even happened, you were just too bent on them to think otherwise. Forget that when you're alone because the people who claim to be there for you are out there being and I haven't moved an inch. Forget the little excitements when time was spent together, were those even there? Forget the moments and experiences any guy would never pass off with his mates because he reckoned the ones made with you would really hold something special? So forget it cuz it seems like you already have, in fact I doubt it even registered when it happened because it seems like I should do the same, its what you want and thats what we should all be doing right, not your words?

This is turning out to be a post some eejit being a baby as I know I'll be told when the Boss Shadow Boxing Acceleratah reads this but Im sorry, Im actually pissed.

So everyone wants to know

So the story goes that Im a hero. Amped I mean I dont mind that but ay ekse.

Met Red Hair who is now Green Hair who is my Purity from Fruit and Veggies who is now now my intersant... Amazing girl she was who remembered every detail of GMT which is embarrassing by worth it.

Ay ekse im still here:)

*>>Later we can make our scrotums touch<<*

Girls are a funny race. I was on myFace just browsing at a few of them and I couldn't help but laughing.

So I notice that its like customary to post on someone's wall if you've just spent the last coupla moments with them no matter how long or short. I understand if it was a quick hello with someone you haven't seen in ages and you're just writing somethin small to say it was nice bumping into them. But its funny when a girl has spent up to ten hours with a person and then goes ahead and writes to them saying how wonderful it was and that they should do it again. It's like they're bound to each other by some force that we dont know.

Imagine if us guys did that? We'd be like, "Ah I had a great time watching the game with you man:) Im sooooo keen on the result and we should like totally do it again sometime:):):). Your epicness really made those 90 minutes plus stoppage time to be wonderful, we should just be attached at the scrotum and Im also keen to chow this weekend". It just wouldn't work out for us, not because we're too cool to write on each other's various profiles but because we write when there is a need. We dont go by a need to feel we should have messages cluttering our profile pages. We write when we have something to say and not for the sake of it.

And that is why I get so many complaints from girls who say I dont reply to their messages, Im sorry but I dont like it when our scrotums touch.

He's a hero despite all of you...

Haven't watched any F1 so far this weekend but the lessons are never missed...

So Lewis Hamilton is in the news again this week, thats the third time, well its once every race weekend. Its always the same story, him leaving McLaren. I dont see why people just wont let the guy do what he wants? His car isn't what it was once before, it doesn't stir in him what it used to, its failed to give him support when he needed, was nowhere to be seen when he needed that extra confirmation, lord knows what people would say if of it if he wasnt at the helm? Like really, so many people have said, "Just cut your ties my boy, you can do so much better, you're young and wasting your potential".

He didnt listen, he kept straight at it but now when the same whispers come from the same place you're fighting for then what is there to do? I love how he's keeping his cards close to his chest. He's doing his duties as a driver, he is fighting a battle on the weaker foot and he hasn't drowned. He's stumbled, we all do when all the faith we relied on has suddenly been taken from us but what counts is where you're gonna end up after being crucified, after what you are is the reason acceptance comes in measured amounts.

What I like most about Lewis is how he doesn't give a flying rats arse about his detractors, he couldn't be bothered about their crap and frankly that is what puts him above the rest.

I Pass It

I can finally get my red L. Yesterday had to be the biggest drain on my nerves and composure. flipping hell I've never felt like that before, during or after a test.

I woke up rather chilled, went over the business again and it only sunk in when I realized I'd gone through that book and now didnt know what to do with myself. Like you sit there and stare at all the things and you're like, "Well this is easy and I know it, but why am I still not confident?". If either Scunthorpe and I had failed, there is this little blonde rat that lurks in the corners that would nibble at our feet, reminding us ecatly what we did and so it wasn't just about passing to get access to the road, it was about giving him up the port. I also wanted to give those STUPID people that worked there, I wanted them to bow down and eat the ground my feet trod on, I have never met such a useless bunch of lards before in my whole life.

I was shaking the whole time in that room, I was a bundle of nerves and I remember being like, "WTF, its not that crazy". I only got one question wrong which honestly made my day, I was too amped on that but still even after that all I wanted to do was just run out as fast as I could out thay room cuz I was kinda scared like, what if it changed to a fail if I left it for too long, maybe I must quickly get out before the computer says it was all a glitch and I got everything wrong and Im useless and must be nibbled at by blonde rats

I know what I am, they know what they are so let me be

Back in the olden days, like many many years ago, like 50 to 70 or so, people used to live in their little dwelling places and socialize with people from their immediate surroundings and thats how it worked. If a stranger came amongst them though then the whole story would change...

The acceptance of a stranger doesnt happen over night. Mostly hostilities would be bestowed upon the strange journey man because he was not of the land, he was not one of them, he did not come from their same bubble. Most gave up with being accepted and just moved on, some had more patience and would try carve a niche for themselves in the little village or what not, trying to gain even a modicum of trust or respect but still despite their efforts it wasn't always guaranteed to work.

With the changing of time, so does the mind expand and a new level of openess and understanding has come upon today's generation of people. Nowadays we travel all around the place, mingling with different people and different cultures, our world is a melting pot of diversity. Americans literally sit around with everyone, you'll find yourself a Jap floating in the sea, there is a Polish man in any odd jobs company in England, Albainians are in cahoots with Iraqi's on the whole terror front, an afrikaaner made a song with a black man, its all there before our eyes.

So whatup to you. I think you achieved a little bit of a giggle and your ego must be inflated to an all time high, I mean really, to stoop to such levels is rather funny because honestly, no one is impressed by that. So what if you dont attend any lynchings and you aren't a member of the K.K.K, you may as well be with the minimal regard I hold for you. I know the unknown intimidates the naive and its cute how you choose to show it in such a pompous and fluffed up manner. If you want tips to avoiding the caught out factor, come to me and I'll teach you a thing or too cuz its something I may have not been doing for longer than you but Im a damn sight better, my catching you out being perfect testament... 

Looking back, its been ages...

So I've had this Blog for not even a year now and I've covered a lot of subject matter..

Reading it tonight and all the memories came through and you're kinda like, "Woah I remember when that happened, I was a lot different back then?". Like its heavy cuz I mean most of my posts have been written when I was a +2, from the start of my relationship, the highs, the lows, the decline and there actually isn't a post about its demise because I dont think its something I should make a big point about even tho it sucks yeah. I still want to and actually will be mates with my ex, she is a human I enjoyed and its all chilled in my eyes.

But like there have been the other posts and stuff of when I had some good moments with my mates, let it be known that I wrote about the values of friendship long before I saw the value in anything else. I wanna keep this Blog for life. I wanna post when Im an old ballie and look back at how I've gone and changed over the years, hopefully I'll be a better person, chilling with my 'Vanilla Latte with espresso on the side' drinking wife/ long term girlfriend and baby Mikel playing with his little sister Ferne. Thats my new two child garage, they'll be hectic homies cuz they'll be my kids and we all know that if they ever come to being then there is no way in hell I'll allow them to be anything less.

Haha ah man they grow up so fast dont they? Two weeks you asked for? I'll make sure it happens...