A Recap

Today was one of those days where I woke up and the world was just going to get me full force. My previous post about politics came out of a place I don't even know of. I was so angry in the flash on an eye just thinking of the state of the world as a whole, so i unleashed. It was weird. I was sat on my way to school, thinking innocent thoughts and then all of a beeswax I started thinking about politics and I just had to get my phone out and write all my thoughts down before they left me. I have this thing where I come up with the world's greatest posts in the car and I always tell myself to remember then for when i get to a computer but by then they've left my mind, hovering around like thin tendrils of mist. No matter how much I try to recall what I was thinking, it just never works.

I got to school, deep in thought and still finishing off my post. I walked in, mumbled half a hello to Staceface and carried on. The way I treat her sometimes really isn't great at all. You'd swear after all this time that I'd be more visibly excited and more convincing when it comes to being amped to see her but alas, old habits die young. I get a morning full of abuse from her every day and I still haven't learned. I need to stop or else she's gonna clock me soon. Anyway, I moved from her because that wasn't going to work for me right there and then and I walked straight into the grasps of Mr. Pandy. I can honestly say that when it comes to people I find mentally stimulating, he's high up there in my list. The man seems to have done it all. From being a magistrate to working on his own screenplay and then becoming an integral part of thousands of South African kids' education, the man has done it all. We got into the subject of politics and he made some points that got me thinking clearer, more Msiziesque thoughts. We have to be part of the solution, we have no other choice.

For a day that started with me feeling like I did, it's ended with me feeling pretty good. I'm listening to the new Fall Out Boy single, I'm writing free flowing thoughts and I've got a couple of weeks of some intense missions up ahead. It's all coming right and I'm loving it. I was walking to the garage in Hillcrest to draw some money, listening to music and I couldn't help feeling so happy with life. I was listening to Milk and Black Spiders by Foals and people were milling about on their journeys and I didn't hear or even take notice of a single one of them. There was a pretty lady to look at in the shop and the lady behind the till was nice to me, I had something to smile about. I love how a good conversation with someone can change so many things. I had some thoughts thrown at me by Michaela earlier in the day, I think they're the ones that changed me up but that's another post for another day.
Sent from my BlackBerry®

Let's Make A Difference.

With the way things are going in this country at the moment, it doesn't surprise me when people say that we're close to not making the next 10 years without some civil unrest. When you look at how things are going, it doesn't take much effort for you to see or hear a negative story about this place we call home. Turn on your tv, page through a news paper or trawl the comment boxes of people on Facebook and you'll come across so many different kinds of rubbish that's happening in this country that it makes you regret waking up in the morning. That isn't right.

The current party in power, the ANC, has done just about close to everything it can in terms of butchering its once proud name. You don't have to turn your head far to see another big, fat Provincial MP laughing his way to the bank. The president basically uses more money on himself than his whole entire hometown has ever seen. I doubt the ministers have ever worn the same shoes twice after becoming appointed. It's sad to think that these are apparently the same people that claim to have the country's best interest at heart. I think their best interests are in their stomachs. The people in power claim that they're still concerned about bettering the country. They say that they want to eliminate poverty. They claim that they want to work for a 'better future for all' but all we can see is them having the best future imaginable. The amount of poor people in the country basically doubles every year. The amount of crime that has now become so openly acceptable these days is just another byproduct of this insolence. I've seen people turn a blind to anything from littering, to an actual person having their innocence raped from them. It really bothers me. Do you know what I had for breakfast the other day? I had a friking tomato and a litre of water, a fucking tomato. And they'll say that it's all still part of the struggle but the only struggle I'm seeing is the one your shirt is making to keep your fat lard of a stomach from popping out and drowning a small village in your mountains of tax payer's stolen fat. Their ham chops of wrists are decorated by Rolex watches that I paid for out of my own pocket with the tax they've shaken me upside down and inside out for.

I'm afraid to move to Johannesburg because I know that if I even dare to breathe the air out there, they'll charge me R560 for e-toll per month. How does it possibly make sense to charge people that kind of money when they can't even afford to pay that for education, that's right, it doesn't. It doesn't make sense to me that these people we've blindly put in power, trusted to carry us through from the dark corner that was Apartheid and into the joyous, warm light of the rainbow nation, are the same people that are bending us over furniture and having their way with us.

But leveling the blame only at the ruling party is something we've all been doing and that's something I think is wrong. There are so many opposition parties in the country but none of them are doing anything to actually be what they claim to be, opponents. The only one big enough to get anything close to a majority vote is the DA and they're not doing any better in my eyes. The DA has basically become a niche market player. They've thrown all their focus on Cape Town and kind of conveniently forgotten that the rest of the country even exists. I think they've just decided to capitalize on their strengths and have stuck to the rich whites and unluckily for the rest of us, Cape Town is where they all are. Cape Town runs like clock work. It looks beautiful from every angle. I've heard rumours that there are people who actually come around and clean the streets. THEY HAVE PEOPLE WHO CLEAN THE STREETS! I consider myself lucky if I mistakenly stumble across a rubbish truck pootling along somewhere in the deep shadows of town. I honestly don't get why they're not making any real effort to try and bring out that kind of control and precision over the rest of the country. Now I know people are gonna say, "It's the people. They're too afraid and uneducated. The DA is trying but people are still too naïve and believe that the ANC is the only way to keep the country from descending back into Apartheid." If we already know what the issue is, then why aren't they doing anything about it?

Do us a favour and dispel the fears of the people. Come over to my house, sit in my living room and let's have a chat about how you're not going to make us enter the dark ages of before. In a place like Hillcrest, that I assume is DA owned and run, I've never ever seen a single one of their members even so much as cross the road. Become visible. Absence definitely doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it makes the heart forget. Stop focusing on being a bit player and actually make a proper effort to make a difference. And this is also the fate of many other opposition parties. They feel overwhelmed by the task at hand and kind of fizzle out without anything happening.

All I want in this country going forwards is to be able to open the newspaper and feel proud of the place I live in. We have such a beautiful country and the possibilities are honestly endless in terms of the greatness we can achieve if we just try and make an effort. I'm not generally one who is bothered by politics but I think it's time that us, as the youth, made out voice be heard. In the ideal South Africa, the word Apartheid would become a thing of the past. Let's not forget what it was, let's not forget what it taught us. Rather, let's move on from it. Let's now focus on making a proper effort of turning this place around and killing this opposite Apartheid we're currently living in. Give the country over to me, I've got a few good ideas that I think the time has come to implement. We're the people that inhabit this place, let's no longer be held for ransom. Let's finally become the change that we all so badly want to see. Let's make an effort.
Sent from my BlackBerry®

Traditional Zulu Wife.

Imagine Msizi Sithole with a traditional Zulu wife. It boggles the mind right. I mean look at me, comb-over hair, black skinny jeans, a command of the english language that boarders on the obscene and a full army of white friends, that's weird.

So then why was it going through my mind on saturday. I went to my aunt's farm on for a traditional ceremony she had going on. Basically, she was being presented to her in-laws. My aunt and uncle have been married for over 25 years but they didn't have this before they got married due to financial constraints, but they decided to do it now and we were all asked to attend as members of the family. She's from my mother's side so I went along, mostly because my mom begged me to, but also as a show of support. Hlokozi, which is where we were, is a very traditional area. The people there basically live in the olden zulu ways. My aunt and uncle left the city a few years back to go and live out there. They've built a nice little homestead that side and they've always wanted me to come visit, so I've checked that off the list. Because this was a big affair, lots of people of the valley were there. When you host an event like this, in a place like that, you've gotta cater for the whole valley showing up so there were mountains of food and lots of mouths to accept it.

Basically the whole family was there. My uncle, my mom's brother, had brought most of his family along with him. They'd started off at my house that morning and he'd brought his daughter along, my cousin, and this other girl who was his niece if I'm not mistaken. Now I know her very well. When I visited them in Port Shepstone a few years ago (When I got Supanova, may his soul rest in piece) her and I hit it off really well. She's basically like the older sister of the family. I think she's a year older than me or so and we got on like a house on fire, we got on so well in fact that we hooked up. Thinking back, I think she was actually my first proper kiss and that's quite something considering I had completely forgotten that till this weekend. We chatted for a tiny bit and then I was called off by my mom to join the rest of the family because things were about to kick off.
There were traditional dances, people in traditional get-up and ladies ululating everywhere. I stuck out like a sore thumb. There was this dance they did where my uncle, with shield and knobkerrie in hand, strutted around between the families - they were split in two with his side on the one side and ours on the other - and he kinda like danced around and basically put on a large show of his manliship and then spotted my aunt pointed her out and she was then to join him as a symbol of their union and such things, it was all romantic stuff that got all the ladies swooning and the men cheering. It was cute.

But anyway, back to the point of all this. After that was all done and everyone was having lunch, I was called off by a cousin of mine to join them. He was standing by a fire, which was so highly needed, and there was my lady of fixation. I stood next to her and we exchanged a few words and then I got distracted by some other people and went off to join them. The whole time while I was speaking to these people, we never broke eye contact. It was an intense sort of stare, one that was both challenging but accepting. What transpired in those eyes I'll never forget. Now I don't know what the hell was going through her brain but I was basically already seeing myself proposing marriage to this woman. She had changed a lot since I last saw her. She looked like the kind of woman who would be deemed a classic zulu wife. She had the beautiful face, the build of someone who could bare some pretty fine children and the kind of demeanor that screamed out that she should be married to a real man. She comes from a very traditional family, I've met them before and I was already too far gone in western ways at the time to make a good impression, I don't think now would be any better. If I were to go and ask for her hand in marriage, I'm pretty sure they'd laugh at me like I was some kind of child, I'm sure she would too.

I'm so removed from that way of life that the thought of me ever having a traditional wife scares me. I'd be so lost. Having a wife is scary enough, but marrying someone who is much deeper into cultural ways than I am freaks me out. I have nothing against tradition and culture, I wish I knew more about it, but I am of a different breed. I have grown up in the age where we as young black people have built our own culture and it has some points that the elder generation disagree with quite a bit but it's what I've known all my life. If I were to have a traditional wife, she'd definitely be it. I'd wife the life out of her like it was my only goal in life. We'd have two wonderful kids and they'd have traditional names like Ntombenhle and Mvuselelo. We'd do it all proper. I would pay a very high price for lobola. I'd have to have my uncles open up negotiations with her family and then pay through my eye teeth for their daughter. We would have a traditional weddings for our families and then a normal western one for the common folk. She'd stay at home and I would provide for her. She would become a large part of my family, taking my mother as her own. She would be my traditional zulu wife. But alas that's not how it'll ever go and part of me is kind of sad. Part of me was happy in that moment when our eyes were locked and the jostling match we had. Part of me was happy in the dream of settling down but reality dictates otherwise. In reality, Ideally I'll settle with a white woman who will bear me a son which we shall call Mikel and a daughter that shall be named Ferne. What is more than likely going to happen though is that I'm going to stay single for the rest of my life, living as a bachelor, maybe with a long term girlfriend and forever being my own person. This doesn't make me unhappy or anything, it's what I've always wanted and still want, but part of me will always wonder what it would be like to be a traditional Zulu husband...

Sent from my BlackBerry®

That Excitement of Carla's

I saw Carla's status about meeting the City Bowls at the airport and it just made my heart leap. She seemed excited about it and I wanted to hug her ever so tight and whisper into her ear, "I know that feel." I was very happy for her because I know how excited I get inside after I have a conversation with someone who does something I think is just amazing. I love that excitement of Carla's. I could just see it in my mind's eye. I've been Carla.

I've met the City Bowls, I've had various conversations with the members in various states of inebriation and every time it's just been fantastic. Over the last year and a half I've met a lot of really great people. I've been lucky to work in a place that has given me maximum exposure to some really awesome and talented musicians, but also some really out of this world people. I once thought that the be all and end all of cool people was the tiny little cluster of people in the upper highway. A very stupid thought now that I think about it but I once thought that I would just kick it, party and fall in love with people up and around there. For a long time that's what it was like, that was life. I remember every weekend being surrounded by the same faces and going to the same places and being content with it but now that I look back, it was pretty jutt. It lost it's appeal after a while and started to feel like scratching on a wound. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying I don't appreciate the times and lessons learnt in those circles because I do, they've shaped me up to who I am today. I met my best friends there, I came across my first love there and I still frequent it. I'm just thankful that I partially got out of there when I did.

I've been blessed with the kind of personality that let's people gravitate to me. Sometimes I often feel it to be a curse but it really does have its uses. Looking through my phone now, I have the contact details of so many random people I've met and every time I go through them, my mind always plays back a fuzzy, faded memory of how they got there. I usually don't do much about it the day after but there have been those people that have become a part of my life, some of them a really big one. I love the Durban scene. It's a friendly place and everyone knows everyone. Along the lines you do get a few proper douche bags (like the dick who wanted to fight with me at Z&G just because I was standing next to the most awe-inspiring, bite-the-back-of-your-hand beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on and her and I were sharing a drink) but that really doesn't detract from just how great these people are.

I know there's gonna come a time when I do eventually leave the 031 all together, I can already feel it looming above me and I know I'll have a major gaping hole where home usually is but I do understand that it's something that just has to happen. My wanderlust and ADHD will kick in and I'll have to kick it, just for me. I can't wait for that day to come, but for now, I'm enjoying myself.
Sent from my BlackBerry®

Begone Era.

I kept all those memories in a plastic bag. Thursday is rubbish day, they'll be gone by morning.
Sent from my BlackBerry®

The Bygone Era

I was just going through my old blog posts, I still am as I write this and I must say I've changed so much since I first took keyboard to the internet. When I read these things and laugh, as they often make me do, I can't help but feel a little sad. I've grown to dislike so many things and have come to learn to love so many others.

I used to be so excited by everything back then. It really amazes me how I found half of those things to be so "kiff" and "awesome" and ''epic''. I don't even see the faces of half the people I wrote about. I don't know where they are and what they're doing and with who, because I just plainly don't care. I'm very different to how I once was. I've actually had a girl dump me for the first time like I always wanted and thinking back on it, I realise that was something stupid to want. I longer fight for lasting love and the allegiance to relationships like I used to. If anything I find them sanctimonious these days. I had three people come to me just this week with relationship issues and every single time I think I just called for the clean break. I don't take what people say to heart as often as I did before, hence the lack of scathing posts about silly little girl's and greased up steroid junkies. The amusing anecdotes I used to write about have all but diminished. The type of thing I do and the amount of it that I can actually post about has changed drastically. I don't feel safe telling my little corner of the internet what I did the night before because you never know who's reading anymore. The biggest change of all though being that I no longer rattle on in broken sentences about nothing.

I will however say that I've grown up so much. I know I've been going on about the most dreary kak imaginable these days. I hate the word's that seem to find their way onto my screen like little black letter-locusts but all of that comes with age. My cynicism is not without it's merits. I think some of my best understanding has come from it. I've become one to sit back and watch. I've learnt to enjoy both misery and happiness, all on the same spoon. Basically what the last few months of posts have been, are the musings of a broken heart. There wont be that many light hearted cherub noise and the sickeningly glossy words of someone floating on a cloud of euphoria because I'm just barely hovering off the ground. Luckily it isn't as bad as the last few sentences may make it sound. The puzzle pieces are coming together. I'm working with the strings that make this puppet work and those silly little ''What ups" I used to write are busy formulating in my head...
Sent from my BlackBerry®

Awkward - Tyler, The Creator

I was 16 when we first laid eyes
Scrawny little fucker yeah I was that guy
And you was down for the weekend
I was down for the greeting
And your eyes the same color shit that jasper be chiefing
Couple freckles on ya noses, roses made you blush
Gentleman I was like I wasn't tryna fuck
But it was my first offical date so I was stuck like
It was past curfew, and we was at the grove
And it was raining, and I had to be home
And then you grabbed my hand, talking about trying to get home safe
All I remember, was your motherfucking face, your face

[Hook]
I play in your hair
As you rub on my ears
Then we awkwardly stare until our lips locked
Then we awkwardly stared because our lips locked
Now it's awkward in here because our lips locked
Feels like I'm floating in air
Can't you believe that this dare turned into a reality when our lips locked
Man this feels like a dream because our lips locked
You officially put my feelings inside a ziplock bag

[Verse 2]
You gotta a nigga sprung, whenever I'm holding your hand
And making eye can-tact I feel like the damn man
Cause even though I am and get round of applauses
I'm insecure then I start to think that I do not stand chance
But, moments, wish that I could own em or lease it or clone it
Because holding your fingertips is golden.
I fucking love you, I treat my problems like a bowling ball &
I grip and keep holding on
Girl?

[Hook]

[Verse 3]
You got a nigga sprung
Wait, don't think this is going to work
Things got complicated and a couple feelings got hurt
I haven't talked to you in a couple of days,
I got too comfortable and started to think we were really a couple
But hey at least it was time spent.
But by the time you will hear this you will know what these rhymes meant
But when you realize its awkward your names still my password
So I'm always fuckin' reminded

[Outro: Tyler & Frank Ocean]
You're my Girlfriend.. you're my Girl (Whether you like it or not!)
You're my girl.. you're my girlfriend, you're my Girl Girlfriend
You're my girl, you're my girlfriend, you're my Girl (Shit I know that you're my)
You're my girl, you're my girlfriend, you're my girlfriend
You're my girl.. oooo
You're my, you're my Girl
Ooooo girlfriend... girlfriend..
You're my girlfriend you're my girl girlfriend you're my Girl
You're my girlfriend
Sent from my BlackBerry®

Let's be moved.

It's a very cold night tonight. I'm wrapped up warm in my duvet fortress, speaking of marriage with Kelly and listening to a host of songs that get me right in the blood pumping organ.

What The Water Gave Me by Florence and The Machine still moves me in ways I can't describe. I got chills the first time I heard it and they're even more pronounced now. I love how she sings of drowning, being weighed down but pocket fulls of stones and being overcome by the water. It is the most perfect metaphor of love I have ever come across.

Kreuzberg by Bloc Party. A song that always makes me think of the pursuit of "The One". It's about the journey between two people, as they go through a little adventure through a beautiful city, seeing the sights, being surrounded by splendour and then coming to sad realisation that they're just incompatible. "After sex the bitter taste, been fooled again, the search continues." I love the way Kele sings those words, like it's another disappointment that he's just so tired of having to go through. The line that always gets me though is "Concerned mothers of the West, teach your sons how to truly love." I think that says it all in this day and age.

Intro by Alt-J. My new favourite Intro song which was hard to do seeing as the XX exist with that moving piece of perfection they created. I'm taken on a journey every time I hear this song. It's every great bit of their sound just mashed into one. I can't wait to see this done live, I'll be forever moved. "One, two, three... Yeeeeaaah"

R U Mine - Arctic Monkeys
"I'm a puppet on a string
Tracy Island, time-traveling diamond
Coulda shaped heartaches
Come to find ya fall in some velvet morning
Years too late
She's a silver lining lone ranger riding
Through an open space
In my mind when she's not right there beside me

I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be
And satisfaction feels like a distant memory
And I can't help myself,
All I wanna hear her say is "Are you mine? " - nuff said.

I don't think it's possible to not be moved by good music. I have about a million songs that go through my being like liquid wax, far too many for my fingers to keep up with.
Sent from my BlackBerry®

Death.

Last night my neighbours had an all night vigil. I was up reading The Outsiders and having a bit of a meltdown when I realised that it was about 3 a.m and they were still going.

I've only ever been to about two or three funerals in my life and even less weddings. I'm not very into both of those things. Both are a celebration of life or they both can be a mourning. My neighbours decided to have their little service thingy in their garden. My bedroom window is very close to where they were having it and so I could hear what was going on. They asked my mom to bake them a few scones and stuff, she was still up at about 4 this morning, going on with the baking. I never got any of those baked goods. Anyway, as I was sitting around in my room, completely minding my own business, my shred of silence was torn apart by loud screams. It seems that one of the Granddaughters was finally stricken by grief and the finality of it all.
I hated it. I hated every single minute of it. It pierced deep into my head and just kept ringing and ringing and ringing. This poor girl shrieking about her Grandmother that was now gone, her light snuffed out like a candle in the wind. People tried to console her but it really was doing no good. Eventually I thought to myself that they should just let her be. Let the poor child get it all out of her system, let her come to terms with it in the best way she knew how. I remember going to my uncle's funeral a few years back. It was an open casket affair. I wasn't the most tight with that uncle. We spoke, he did his uncle duties and that was that, he was still quite young. I remember when it was time to pay the last respects, everyone walked past the casket and did their thing but I just hung back. I just didn't feel up to it. My throat was laden down with a lump larger than the sun and I knew that if I went past for one final time, I'd turn into a dam and that puzzled me. We weren't best buddies but now here I was feeling sad, not because I knew him so well but because he was piece of my family gone. Today when I heard that girl crying, I wasn't upset by the fact that her gran was dead, it didn't move me at all. What upset me was the memory of how I felt when I was in a similar situation.

Death comes for all of us, that is guaranteed. We all deal with it in different ways.
Sent from my BlackBerry®

Mistress.

Every night this week, when I get into be, snuggle in tight, turn my music and relax, my emotions go haywire.

I have this tank of useless affection that gets sparked by littlest thing, it makes my mind swim. Be it a great riff, a lovely melody, a line sung sweeter than heaven, anything and I'm just thrown in the ring battling my need to excrete affection on anything that moves. I don't know what's wrong with me. I nearly died at Splashy. I was stuck looking at a possible route of escape. I told myself that if I just found a nice girl to shack up with then I'd get it all out of my system. I went forward, set the plan into motion, was right at her door, all I had to do was step over but then it clicked in my head that I was only doing this because I'm weak and it would just add too many complications to an already complicated situation.

It's really lame I must say. If I had a reason behind all of this then I'd be okay. If I knew who/what it was I feeling for then I'd have something to attack. It's hard for me to believe that I'm going through these motions because I'm genuinely happy with my music. It's been a few weeks going this way but it's only been recently that I've actually paid attention to it. I think I need a distraction, a nice little thing to take my mind off of all this goofiness. I need crappy earphones and some lips to snog.
Sent from my BlackBerry®