So then why was it going through my mind on saturday. I went to my aunt's farm on for a traditional ceremony she had going on. Basically, she was being presented to her in-laws. My aunt and uncle have been married for over 25 years but they didn't have this before they got married due to financial constraints, but they decided to do it now and we were all asked to attend as members of the family. She's from my mother's side so I went along, mostly because my mom begged me to, but also as a show of support. Hlokozi, which is where we were, is a very traditional area. The people there basically live in the olden zulu ways. My aunt and uncle left the city a few years back to go and live out there. They've built a nice little homestead that side and they've always wanted me to come visit, so I've checked that off the list. Because this was a big affair, lots of people of the valley were there. When you host an event like this, in a place like that, you've gotta cater for the whole valley showing up so there were mountains of food and lots of mouths to accept it.
Basically the whole family was there. My uncle, my mom's brother, had brought most of his family along with him. They'd started off at my house that morning and he'd brought his daughter along, my cousin, and this other girl who was his niece if I'm not mistaken. Now I know her very well. When I visited them in Port Shepstone a few years ago (When I got Supanova, may his soul rest in piece) her and I hit it off really well. She's basically like the older sister of the family. I think she's a year older than me or so and we got on like a house on fire, we got on so well in fact that we hooked up. Thinking back, I think she was actually my first proper kiss and that's quite something considering I had completely forgotten that till this weekend. We chatted for a tiny bit and then I was called off by my mom to join the rest of the family because things were about to kick off.
There were traditional dances, people in traditional get-up and ladies ululating everywhere. I stuck out like a sore thumb. There was this dance they did where my uncle, with shield and knobkerrie in hand, strutted around between the families - they were split in two with his side on the one side and ours on the other - and he kinda like danced around and basically put on a large show of his manliship and then spotted my aunt pointed her out and she was then to join him as a symbol of their union and such things, it was all romantic stuff that got all the ladies swooning and the men cheering. It was cute.
But anyway, back to the point of all this. After that was all done and everyone was having lunch, I was called off by a cousin of mine to join them. He was standing by a fire, which was so highly needed, and there was my lady of fixation. I stood next to her and we exchanged a few words and then I got distracted by some other people and went off to join them. The whole time while I was speaking to these people, we never broke eye contact. It was an intense sort of stare, one that was both challenging but accepting. What transpired in those eyes I'll never forget. Now I don't know what the hell was going through her brain but I was basically already seeing myself proposing marriage to this woman. She had changed a lot since I last saw her. She looked like the kind of woman who would be deemed a classic zulu wife. She had the beautiful face, the build of someone who could bare some pretty fine children and the kind of demeanor that screamed out that she should be married to a real man. She comes from a very traditional family, I've met them before and I was already too far gone in western ways at the time to make a good impression, I don't think now would be any better. If I were to go and ask for her hand in marriage, I'm pretty sure they'd laugh at me like I was some kind of child, I'm sure she would too.
I'm so removed from that way of life that the thought of me ever having a traditional wife scares me. I'd be so lost. Having a wife is scary enough, but marrying someone who is much deeper into cultural ways than I am freaks me out. I have nothing against tradition and culture, I wish I knew more about it, but I am of a different breed. I have grown up in the age where we as young black people have built our own culture and it has some points that the elder generation disagree with quite a bit but it's what I've known all my life. If I were to have a traditional wife, she'd definitely be it. I'd wife the life out of her like it was my only goal in life. We'd have two wonderful kids and they'd have traditional names like Ntombenhle and Mvuselelo. We'd do it all proper. I would pay a very high price for lobola. I'd have to have my uncles open up negotiations with her family and then pay through my eye teeth for their daughter. We would have a traditional weddings for our families and then a normal western one for the common folk. She'd stay at home and I would provide for her. She would become a large part of my family, taking my mother as her own. She would be my traditional zulu wife. But alas that's not how it'll ever go and part of me is kind of sad. Part of me was happy in that moment when our eyes were locked and the jostling match we had. Part of me was happy in the dream of settling down but reality dictates otherwise. In reality, Ideally I'll settle with a white woman who will bear me a son which we shall call Mikel and a daughter that shall be named Ferne. What is more than likely going to happen though is that I'm going to stay single for the rest of my life, living as a bachelor, maybe with a long term girlfriend and forever being my own person. This doesn't make me unhappy or anything, it's what I've always wanted and still want, but part of me will always wonder what it would be like to be a traditional Zulu husband...
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