I would think up a title but Im genuinely tired

Flipping hell...

Well today began our first day as manual labourers. It really wasnt that bad at first, I was expecting my limited hamster upper body strength to be tested to its very limits and the pressure to be higher than that placed on sportsmen and diamonds alike but really it was a tad chilled. Obviously it wasnt rainbows and butterflies but we came through not too dead. I unfortunately mutilated my picturesque Hands of A Lover and I have two blisters, each on my thumbs, which were chiseled to perfection. Haha ah it feels good to say that I've completed a day of work that'll lead to something great happening. When ever fatigue crept in, I reminded myself, "Joburg will make this all so worth it."

Im a flipping great husband. I go out working all day to put dinner on the table while the Missus sits around doing woman stuff and all I want to do when I get home is to have a cold beer and a bit of loving but no all I have to settle for is three sweaty oafs. Must be because Im not actually married although we are.

A weekend comes along and I may be here or I may not, either way Im being a hero. I missed you.

Have fun with your stories but I'll be busy growing up in the corner over there.

Im a nice little boy who likes the people he likes and doesn't like the people he doesn't like, Im pretty normal.

I get spoken about a lot, not as much as say Lady Gaga but I guess thats because Im a boy. You'd swear we're the same person by how many time I've been told Im weird. No Im not comparing myself to Lady Gaga because I dont care much for her antics and music, she made like 2 songs I thought were ok or something but that's besides the point.

Im on the lips of people for reasons unknown, ok no Im on their lips because I seem to have committed a crime comparable to murder it seems. Well I was thinking about how upset it was all making me feel until I realized that well, whatever. I dont like people in my business, I dont enjoy baring my heart out, I dont have a heart but that substitue thing I use doesn't enjoy being on display. I dont care anymore when people say I do everything I do to get back at a girl who left me and when we had a trial run leading up to us getting back together, she went off and did God know's what with who cares, not once but twice and yet I shrugged it off keeping it to myself. I dont care when I get told to "Go fucking die" when not once but twice I was told you never want to see me again. It's not my fault if I get fed up with everything and choose to distance myself from all the silly juvenile insecurites being heaped up on me. Im only human and really I could turn around and just shatter the very world you're all so comfortable with but that'll just mean going round and round with all you people and frankly Im tired now, if you didnt have name tags above your heads I'd have no clue who you all were and where exactly you fitted in.

I still care for my ex, Im very civil with her and she is more than welcome to be a part of my life but Im done with all the dramas, each knock I take makes everything worse but I'll still smile because I have nothing to frown about.

Haha I just realized I dictated all of this in the most monotone voice I've heard myself use. That's it.

I could really get in depth, but I'll write this silly thing from the top of my head

Many do they're learning during the week. They're surrounded by figures that each play a vital role in their development and generally those people there are people that are understood.

This weekend I think it's safe to say that I was public enemy number 1. Spreading my various doings to various souls is a bit weak and immature I'd say? Telling me to go die after saying you're done with me two nights before is a bit much dont you rate? Coming and looking for a confrontation to take back to everyone is a bit juvenile but you've been known to be right little WD? Haha no really tho, asking me if she's my squeeze and expecting me not to laugh at you is kinda silly, a squeeze is someone that doesn't matter, that wont mean crap all in the morning and isn't going to offer anything constructive, I've had many a squeeze before but no I dont have one now, I dont go around in circles.

I always have this silly notion that once I've understood something then everyone else has too. I forget that just because I grow up, doesn't mean everyone around me is too. I assume that with age people would stop their silly ways and come to realize that it's all pointless but clearly that's not the case.

Just on a side note, the danger was always closer to home than anyone actually realized

I pick them brilliantly

I had a perfect race weekend, my word... F1 was in Canada at a circuit I've seen McLaren triumph at a few times and saturday was the start of the 24 hours of Le Mans and sunday was an exceptional Grand Prix.

I wont get into just how frikin amped I was to watch all this racing and how Audi battled a fleet of Peugots after losing one of their cars in a spectacular crash and the rest dying out only leaving them with one lone survivor to take the checkered flag and I wont get too much into how Jenson Button drove a magnificent race after not qualifying so great, having a collision with his team mate, being served a drive through penalty and then being in the pits 5 times leaving him dead last, yet still managing to win the race on the final half of the final lap from someone who was once deemed unbreakable.

Being a McLaren guy, I was frikin destroyed when Lewis and Jenson crashed. I just saw flashes of Turkey last year when the two Red Bulls came together and how that split the team in half. Imagine a team Lewis vs team Jenson sorta thing ala Twilight. My heart would be shattered completely.

On one hand Lewis Hamilton is the only reason I started watching Formula One after following his championship in 08 through the F1 section in Car magazine. He's a frikin brilliant driver, easily one of the best and all the flak that he's been getting lately seriously isn't even worth it because he's shown many times that he is a flipping boss. I would stop watching a race if he didnt finish and anyone that got in his way would have many a curse thrown on them by me.

And then came this Jenson Button fellow to join the Woking crew. Jenson proved he was boss to me by destroying in that Brawn but I'll admit, when I heard he was joining McLaren I thought he was being foolish and was going to be urinated on. Come Australia and Jenson pulls out his clever thinking and then we hit China and he made sweet sweet love to those tyres and I was completly sold. And he looks ruggedly handsome after a race and not all disheveled.

The two boys are known for their wonderful pairing and so when they collided I really thought it was over, I honestly thought that the race was now a write off and I must go do some insane PR work but they patched things up during the flipping race, thats superhuman if you ask me, thats beauty.

So now people say Lewis is leaving to Red Bull and Mark may come this side? Its gonna effing hurt if that happens cuz now what do I do? Follow him or stay with Jenson?

Enticed for long enough and he may look straight..

I've done an unhealthy amount of thinking on a brain which is running on reserve energy and that has too much time to create an order that would be better kept hidden.

Im at the point where there are two legs underneath me and they offer support for the rest of me to stand up straight. I control my legs and we can go wherever there is reason. In my head Im walking along the middle of Jan Smuts at night beneath all those trees and the orange street lamps. My God-complex is on high, I feel like with these hands I could just reach out and turn the world from what everyone sees to what I want to see within a matter of minutes. You know when you just have it in you to create or to destroy at will, where a spaceship is nothing besides something to sink your teeth into?

This mustn't be mistaken as the rantings of an egotistic maniac, these are just the thoughts of someone with enough intention to do good yet enough misguided fire power to destroy if not managed well. I think if you were to look at those people that use Pit Bulls for dog fighting, the dog doesn't start out vicious, there are many out there that are nice but brought up in a certain way and that thing could take out a sizeable chunk out your stomach and that'll hurt like crap, like something just bit you in the stomach.

My brain is relaxed, a bit of a rethink and a shuffle here and there and its sorted. Now to look at my hand..

Im somewhat of an enigma

I was just thinking what it would be like after I died. Just yesterday I nearly got run over by a pope van honestly doing one hundred million kph and I know this becaus I could pretty much taste the paint as it cut through the air between us where even a hair would've had trouble fitting. I've been nearly killed and eaten many times before, I nearly got hit twice just walking around on saturday but this one really stuck out cuz to my left was a huge ditch where I could picture myself lying dead. I literally stood laughing at just how close I'd come to being food for the ants and another episode on CSI.

It got me thinking tho, what would happen after my death. Like ok I get my family and friends would be bummed but what would everyone say? Haha I can just imagine my funeral being this affair where my various worlds come to collide for the very first time, from family to friends to lovers and those who were just there. I've never introduced my school mates to my normal mates, most of the people I've ever had a thing with dont exist in the minds of my friends and my family know no one besides those that have been fortunate and important enough to be mentioned.

I know each person well enough to be able to pull out one thing out asshole about them but to some I didnt even have a family, haha I was once told I could probably get up to an number of things when Im not within eyesight cuz I just existed and that sorta thing is the kinda thing that I do because in actual fact I really dont exist. I am a ninja, I have never been, I get up to things no one actually knows because they aren't to be known. I could honestly write a long list of things I've done that I've never felt the need to mention. I come quietly and leave without a trace, except for the sticky fingerprints I leave on the glass of the windows of your heart...

Let's play with my thought process, or at least let me do it.

It's been a very interesting coupla days, had I not been with mates I swear it'd all be different.

So the story goes that there has been a lot of confusion and decisions flying around and to be honest I knew nothing of this because lately I haven't been concerned with much besides what lies in front of me. I think I dont have enough of a caring bone in me to fake it anymore, I was on the phone and just couldn't be bothered to tie up enough feel from inside me to be bothered.

My days have been good this week. I've spent every waking moment with mates in a way where the mind still has enough solitary time to only worry about what it wants to and lately its all been good.

Haha was in the shops today and let something slip to Queenie by mistake, there goes my secret but I guess its better that way, makes pulling it all off that much easier now that its been verbalized but that doesn't just rely on me but as it has been said before, I never lose and Im not about to begin now just cuz the rules dont apply

A New Adventure: Prologue

For the first time since forever I can truely say Im out of my depth.

Not often Im stumped or afraid and its rare I'll ever admit to it but I'll say that right now I am completely out of my element. Haha I feel like a fish out of water, a strange feeling at the least. I have a new found respect for those who can go about their ways blindly without ever stopping to think because those are the ones that miss everything, I guess Im just too clinical in my approach and that has come to eat me whole. My mind? Well thats been raped and made to realize that it actually works and now needs to in a way that is more in line with what it was meant to from the start.

My soul is that of a wounded animal in the care of a skilled practitioner, I just have the ability to imprint much like a new born.

I dont have highlights, Im still very much a hitman..