You know how Cockroaches are meant to be these hardcore insects that dont die and are too cool for everyone else, its a bit of a lie right?
So Im making myself a cup of coffee before my evening television viewing and someone, (cant imagine who it could've been) FORGOT to take out the rubbish so here is this roach walkin on the floor and Im like wow look at this homie go, he must die, but how do you kill a cockroach? They have 2 heads, their normal head and one in their assholes which is why they can live up to 7 days when you severe their kop. Scientists have said that they can survive radioactivity hence they'd be the only things alive once Korea decides its had enough of America being the dominant power and nukes the world. You spray them with Doom and they just sit there laughing at you like you're some fool and you step on the thing and it crunches, trust me it crunches under foot, but as soon as you move your foot thinking you've killed the thing it just runs off at a million miles an hour and I know this because I've seen it happen many times.
So Im standin with the kettle in my hand, just poured my cup of brew and there's some water left and I splash the thing with it thinking he'll just get annoyed and go lodge a complaint or something and I kinda watch it hobble a few steps and then, dead. He stopped moving straight and to be honest I was quite shocked. Turns out boilin water kinda pretty much kills the bastards so now Im thinking, why the hell did scientists waste time with radioactivity and why do we buy Doom and Raid when all we really need is a kettle? If Russel and Hobbs also said their kettles were ace cockroach killing machines, Im pretty certain every household would have their kettles. That would also make people appreciate the brand and then they'd buy their toasters and if appliance companies said their microwaves killed roaches then obviously I'd know how to work one properly by now?
I know Im a flipping genius but seriously now, corporate giants must realize this because I come up with the best ideas, imagine how much more money they'd make with me as their think tank instead of hiring manatees to carry idea balls from one side of the tank to the other...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Scientists failed to be like me and now big business suffers
You know how Cockroaches are meant to be these hardcore insects that dont die and are too cool for everyone else, its a bit of a lie right?
So Im making myself a cup of coffee before my evening television viewing and someone (cant imagine who it could've been) FORGOT to take out the rubbish so here is this roach walkin on the floor and Im like wow look at this homie go, he must die, but how do you kill a cockroach? They have 2 heads, their normal head and one in their assholes which is why they can live up to 7 days when you severe their kop. Scientists have said that they can survive radioactivity hence they'd be the only thing alive once Korea decides its had enough of America being the dominant power and nukes the world. You spray them with Doom and they just sit there laughing at you like you're some fool and you step on the thing and it crunches, trust me it crunches under foot, but as soon as you move your foot thinking you've killed the thing it just runs off at a million miles an hour and I know this because I've seen it happen many times.
So Im standin with the kettle in my hand, just poured my cup of brew and there's some water left and I splash the thing with it thinking he'll just get annoyed and go lodge a complaint or something and I kinda watch it hobble a few steps and then dead. He stopped moving straight and to be honest I was quite shocked. Turns out boilin water kinda pretty much kills the bastards so now Im thinking, why the hell did scientists waste time with radioactivity and why do we buy Doom and Raid when all we really need is a kettle? If Russel and Hobbs also said their kettles were ace cockroach killing machines Im pretty certain every household would have their kettles. That would also make people appreciate the brand and then they'd buy their toasters and if appliance companies said this microwaves killed roaches then obviously I'd know how to work one properly by now?
I know Im a flipping genius but seriously now, corporate giants must realize this because I come up with the best ideas, imagine how much more money they'd make with me as their think tank instead of hiring manatees to carry idea balls from one side of the tank to the other...
So Im making myself a cup of coffee before my evening television viewing and someone (cant imagine who it could've been) FORGOT to take out the rubbish so here is this roach walkin on the floor and Im like wow look at this homie go, he must die, but how do you kill a cockroach? They have 2 heads, their normal head and one in their assholes which is why they can live up to 7 days when you severe their kop. Scientists have said that they can survive radioactivity hence they'd be the only thing alive once Korea decides its had enough of America being the dominant power and nukes the world. You spray them with Doom and they just sit there laughing at you like you're some fool and you step on the thing and it crunches, trust me it crunches under foot, but as soon as you move your foot thinking you've killed the thing it just runs off at a million miles an hour and I know this because I've seen it happen many times.
So Im standin with the kettle in my hand, just poured my cup of brew and there's some water left and I splash the thing with it thinking he'll just get annoyed and go lodge a complaint or something and I kinda watch it hobble a few steps and then dead. He stopped moving straight and to be honest I was quite shocked. Turns out boilin water kinda pretty much kills the bastards so now Im thinking, why the hell did scientists waste time with radioactivity and why do we buy Doom and Raid when all we really need is a kettle? If Russel and Hobbs also said their kettles were ace cockroach killing machines Im pretty certain every household would have their kettles. That would also make people appreciate the brand and then they'd buy their toasters and if appliance companies said this microwaves killed roaches then obviously I'd know how to work one properly by now?
I know Im a flipping genius but seriously now, corporate giants must realize this because I come up with the best ideas, imagine how much more money they'd make with me as their think tank instead of hiring manatees to carry idea balls from one side of the tank to the other...
Now Im sad
Just finished reading The Man In The White Suit... Best book I've ever read.
Ah man I was trying so hard to stretch it out, make it last as long as possible. For the first time ever I was reading a chapter at a time trying to make it last instead of the chapter orgy I usually have where I just binge read till I can hardly keep my eyes open. Ok these last two day I did binge read but thats because I was trying to get the most out of it. So graphic it is in places about racing. Ok its not necessarily graphic in a sense that its Sebastien Loeb graphic as he tells you how he gets a feel for corners through his ass which is why He's 7 times World Rally Champion I think it is but for a book about driving that I've read it was pretty epic. I cant wait for my fathers return from Raj's palace so I can take the back streets. I've spent the week just sitting in the car pressing the stability control on and off and laughing like a retarded baby each time the off light comes on and the little orange car flashes on the speedo.
Im gonna read more books of interest this year instead of reading books for the sake of it. After the brilliant words Collins said about my boy Lewis, I just have to read his book, I will read his book, in fact its the next book I'll ever spend money on. I wonder if Jenson has a book. In fact everyone should read their books so they'll flippin know that we're all best mates. For the sake of anonymity, I asked Collins not to mention me in his book because that would mess up alota things for me here at home, imagine if people found out that when I was supposed to be in hiding for the weekend at home I was actually in Dunsfold before I headed out to join my boys in whichever country they were racing in. My girlfriend would break up with me, not worth the risk.
Ah man I was trying so hard to stretch it out, make it last as long as possible. For the first time ever I was reading a chapter at a time trying to make it last instead of the chapter orgy I usually have where I just binge read till I can hardly keep my eyes open. Ok these last two day I did binge read but thats because I was trying to get the most out of it. So graphic it is in places about racing. Ok its not necessarily graphic in a sense that its Sebastien Loeb graphic as he tells you how he gets a feel for corners through his ass which is why He's 7 times World Rally Champion I think it is but for a book about driving that I've read it was pretty epic. I cant wait for my fathers return from Raj's palace so I can take the back streets. I've spent the week just sitting in the car pressing the stability control on and off and laughing like a retarded baby each time the off light comes on and the little orange car flashes on the speedo.
Im gonna read more books of interest this year instead of reading books for the sake of it. After the brilliant words Collins said about my boy Lewis, I just have to read his book, I will read his book, in fact its the next book I'll ever spend money on. I wonder if Jenson has a book. In fact everyone should read their books so they'll flippin know that we're all best mates. For the sake of anonymity, I asked Collins not to mention me in his book because that would mess up alota things for me here at home, imagine if people found out that when I was supposed to be in hiding for the weekend at home I was actually in Dunsfold before I headed out to join my boys in whichever country they were racing in. My girlfriend would break up with me, not worth the risk.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Why is it that Murphy comes?
The theory of Murphy's law puzzles me sometimes...
Like sometimes really, why must something thats not meant to happen, happen? Why cant the universe just chill and be like "You know what, today I'll bust a spliff instead of screwin people over". I decide to charge my poor beloved telephone and as she feeds off the juicy goodness of electricity, it dies.. I mean come on, why now when I've lined up a massive night of viewing pleasure, Curb your enthusiasm is on, I want to see Arsenal lose again, I was watchin RPM which to some apparently sounds like a porn channel and not a car program?
My poor darling mustn't decide She's gonna turn 40... The downside to my genius of hookin up Mxit with my blog is that I only have 1000 characters compared to the 5500 odd ones I had before, you see, stupid Murphy ruining my triumphant moment...
Im becoming a pussy...
Just watched Green Street Hooligans and its still just as great as it was before. Right now Im amped to have a pint and get into scuffle. I loved how frikin british that movie was, sure there was a yank in it but he did crap all, it was all about the queens men. The american accents did annoy me cuz all I wanted to hear was that lovely pommie accent. I will return to my home country soon...
There was a part that got me though in that movie. Poor homie is down at the bar sorting out his wife's kid brother when other goons come up and he gets stabbed in the neck with a beer bottle. Thats a frikin dick thing to do and Im pretty sure it hurt like crap having someone stick a bottle into your juggular. But what really got me is that someone somewhere had to phone the wife and be like "ma'am your husband is in hospital, he's been stabbed".
Imagine how gay it must be hearing that. Imagine how my family would feel if that happened to me, how bleak Kim would be? "Miss Kardashian-Sithole, your husband is in hospital and some pillock stuck him with an Archers bottle", She'd be frikin devastated, my poor Mikel would have a father who speaks to him with one of those external voice box machines. Ok it would be different for me, I'd probably be in hospital after some strange car accident thats not my fault because I have unbelievable car control once I get it off the line so it would probably be some stupid bear that wondered into the middle of the road and I swerved to miss it which I successfully did because I did some fancy wizardry with all three pedals, the gear shift, the traction and stability control buttons and hand break but as I come out of my glorious slide some stupid truck t-boned me, I wouldn't die though because that'll only happen once I own an SLR Mc Laren and it'll be in a huge fireball where I'll be nicely cremated, saves Kim the hassle.
But anyway I was just so bleaked out by that, the poor family. I'd never ever wanna put Kim and Mikel through anything like that. What makes me laugh though is how all these things are getting to me lately, I think I must be pregnant or something cuz my sad gland has been on high alert. After watching The Time Traveller's Wife with Scunthorpe, I cant stand seeing little families all sad, especially the dolls, shame...
There was a part that got me though in that movie. Poor homie is down at the bar sorting out his wife's kid brother when other goons come up and he gets stabbed in the neck with a beer bottle. Thats a frikin dick thing to do and Im pretty sure it hurt like crap having someone stick a bottle into your juggular. But what really got me is that someone somewhere had to phone the wife and be like "ma'am your husband is in hospital, he's been stabbed".
Imagine how gay it must be hearing that. Imagine how my family would feel if that happened to me, how bleak Kim would be? "Miss Kardashian-Sithole, your husband is in hospital and some pillock stuck him with an Archers bottle", She'd be frikin devastated, my poor Mikel would have a father who speaks to him with one of those external voice box machines. Ok it would be different for me, I'd probably be in hospital after some strange car accident thats not my fault because I have unbelievable car control once I get it off the line so it would probably be some stupid bear that wondered into the middle of the road and I swerved to miss it which I successfully did because I did some fancy wizardry with all three pedals, the gear shift, the traction and stability control buttons and hand break but as I come out of my glorious slide some stupid truck t-boned me, I wouldn't die though because that'll only happen once I own an SLR Mc Laren and it'll be in a huge fireball where I'll be nicely cremated, saves Kim the hassle.
But anyway I was just so bleaked out by that, the poor family. I'd never ever wanna put Kim and Mikel through anything like that. What makes me laugh though is how all these things are getting to me lately, I think I must be pregnant or something cuz my sad gland has been on high alert. After watching The Time Traveller's Wife with Scunthorpe, I cant stand seeing little families all sad, especially the dolls, shame...
Monday, January 17, 2011
Girls are funny Ha-Ha
"If I had one last thing to say before I did, I'd wish you never justify the way I treated you"
Brilliant words by my friend Greg there. Some may see them as a guy crying out to his lover saying how he was a bad person and such but to the normal male who actually knows whats potting, you can see that what he actually means is "Bitch you want too much".
Girls always complain that us guys never say the right things or do the right things that make them happy, that we're heartless jerks, egotistical pigs, insensitive bastards and other names and what they dont realize is that saying those things is so empowering. No guy wants to be known as the sweet guy who says all the right things and treats the girls perfectly cuz really that guy there is forgotten after some ass comes and sticks his thumb in your eye. There seems to be this way of thinking that females have that we're meant to be these Gods that tend to their every emotional whim and we're meant to be like those guys on tv who are mysterious, gentle but with a mean edge, loved by the friends and still have time to come back and rub their feet while we prepare rhubarb pie for them to gorge on.
Frankly thats a huge misconception especially when applied to the average teenage boy, if not every teenage boy. As a teenage boy only a few things register. Your mates, debauchery and the last crap you took.
We cant say the things you want to hear because we dont know them, we cant tell you how we feel about you at that very moment, we cant be your knight in shining armour, we cant be best friends with everyone on your social networking sites and you're frikin stupid if you think we're about to be that hero on tv that comes into the room and has his own little theme music playing softly, nein screw that crap.
Haha if girls realized that and how little demands we make sometimes then trust me, you little cheese dippers will understand just how happiness will come to you...
Brilliant words by my friend Greg there. Some may see them as a guy crying out to his lover saying how he was a bad person and such but to the normal male who actually knows whats potting, you can see that what he actually means is "Bitch you want too much".
Girls always complain that us guys never say the right things or do the right things that make them happy, that we're heartless jerks, egotistical pigs, insensitive bastards and other names and what they dont realize is that saying those things is so empowering. No guy wants to be known as the sweet guy who says all the right things and treats the girls perfectly cuz really that guy there is forgotten after some ass comes and sticks his thumb in your eye. There seems to be this way of thinking that females have that we're meant to be these Gods that tend to their every emotional whim and we're meant to be like those guys on tv who are mysterious, gentle but with a mean edge, loved by the friends and still have time to come back and rub their feet while we prepare rhubarb pie for them to gorge on.
Frankly thats a huge misconception especially when applied to the average teenage boy, if not every teenage boy. As a teenage boy only a few things register. Your mates, debauchery and the last crap you took.
We cant say the things you want to hear because we dont know them, we cant tell you how we feel about you at that very moment, we cant be your knight in shining armour, we cant be best friends with everyone on your social networking sites and you're frikin stupid if you think we're about to be that hero on tv that comes into the room and has his own little theme music playing softly, nein screw that crap.
Haha if girls realized that and how little demands we make sometimes then trust me, you little cheese dippers will understand just how happiness will come to you...
Friday, January 14, 2011
Heavily Mediocre Evening
Well tonight didnt live to expectations... It was like a waterfall that began to trickle at the word go.
It was great being boys, letting firecrackers off like the eejits we are which I enjoy and really I think we've proven that we can make a cracker like no one else. All in all that part of the day was amazing...
So Im an arrogant asshole, amped... But no really if thats how I am then so be it, Forgive me for not bending backwards but in my inebriated state I fail to believe in putting myself down, I matter then and so be it, I happen to like myself quite a bit in fact. Took a walk with a Pope's daughter, was interesting. Took a drive in a little red japanese hatchback and that was the biggest highlight of my night, too amped on that I say, relaxing little bit of movement that is, everything mechanical working in one to make me a happy chappy, I still say I'll only find hapiness with a machine.
I love being a boy, Im not a man so Im told but chilled my day will come... Queenie returns soon and I am an amped seun, missed her lang lang gelerde
It was great being boys, letting firecrackers off like the eejits we are which I enjoy and really I think we've proven that we can make a cracker like no one else. All in all that part of the day was amazing...
So Im an arrogant asshole, amped... But no really if thats how I am then so be it, Forgive me for not bending backwards but in my inebriated state I fail to believe in putting myself down, I matter then and so be it, I happen to like myself quite a bit in fact. Took a walk with a Pope's daughter, was interesting. Took a drive in a little red japanese hatchback and that was the biggest highlight of my night, too amped on that I say, relaxing little bit of movement that is, everything mechanical working in one to make me a happy chappy, I still say I'll only find hapiness with a machine.
I love being a boy, Im not a man so Im told but chilled my day will come... Queenie returns soon and I am an amped seun, missed her lang lang gelerde
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Been thinking little thoughts
A whole week without posting it says, that is a very long time indeed and to my defense there hasn't been much to say, so I thought. I only really ever get inspired to write on this thing late at night and I've been sleeping on command lately so as soon as sleep knocks I just accept but tonight its gladly stayed at bay so my thoughts can come play.
The Berg was really good. Ah it had some moments of sheer visual beauty, its funny how scenery can be considered as something beautiful, it doesnt move or live but still it has the properties needed by the brain to be thought of as appealing. Some random things did go down there, random by my standard anyway from hauntings from our ghost to pmsing weather and random xooking up. Haha ah its funny because one day you wake up doing your normal day to day things and then the next day you have your tongue down someones throat so deep you're kinda thinking "wtf, how did I even get here?" so in that respect I am very proud of all of you guys that have used up these past two weeks to the full.
What I didnt enjoy however was the drama going on faaaar away from us that seemed to find its way straight to where we were. I think its safe to say that when people get inebriated they change and I myself become very indignant and for me thats a big thing because Im not usually that kind of person so once I heard Rambo's little rant, I can happily say I was genuinely peeved, I still dont get the whole point behind that and all that other stupid relationship drama? Well done guys we had the little moment of drama it was fun but now no one cares so let it all go on. Haha this place is where I place my thoughts but its gotten to a point where I cant be as transparent as I am on my other domains.
Today was interesting...
I remember Kayleigh saying something about me and mind games. I do think there is something to that. Alimundi has this effect where with minimal effort he can evoke this black coal from the souls of those silly enough to fall for him which I envy with my every being but I am willing to bet all the money in the world that he doesnt have as much fun as I do. Scunthorpe can get silly gits to crooning with every word he utters but instead of it turning into a fun game of push and pull afterwards, they just sink their teeth into his very pores and no one wants a rat eating at your knees. What you want is for a girl to be completely sold on what you have to say but once you call it quiets then they must crave what once was.
I like girls cuz they think they're funny, like they can control how our minds work but they have one huge major weakness, they're too emotional. I like the ones that have this sense of "Im too cool right now, none will get to me" and yet when you look at it really closely, same amount of work done in them as anyone else and they'll be wrapped around your finger tighter than a promise ring.
I like having my girlfriend. Thats only one mind that I can play with and its all light hearted stuff, things that hold no consequence and thus make it enjoyable because its not like Im on some sorta prowl looking to score big mind fxxk points or anything, just me and my girl who is important enough to be spared. Haha ah she killed me when she used that little voice that I just cant resist for crap the other night, "Promise not to when Im away". I was like whatup, of course I wouldn't but that there just scored you about a thousand points, you're safe esse.
The Berg was really good. Ah it had some moments of sheer visual beauty, its funny how scenery can be considered as something beautiful, it doesnt move or live but still it has the properties needed by the brain to be thought of as appealing. Some random things did go down there, random by my standard anyway from hauntings from our ghost to pmsing weather and random xooking up. Haha ah its funny because one day you wake up doing your normal day to day things and then the next day you have your tongue down someones throat so deep you're kinda thinking "wtf, how did I even get here?" so in that respect I am very proud of all of you guys that have used up these past two weeks to the full.
What I didnt enjoy however was the drama going on faaaar away from us that seemed to find its way straight to where we were. I think its safe to say that when people get inebriated they change and I myself become very indignant and for me thats a big thing because Im not usually that kind of person so once I heard Rambo's little rant, I can happily say I was genuinely peeved, I still dont get the whole point behind that and all that other stupid relationship drama? Well done guys we had the little moment of drama it was fun but now no one cares so let it all go on. Haha this place is where I place my thoughts but its gotten to a point where I cant be as transparent as I am on my other domains.
Today was interesting...
I remember Kayleigh saying something about me and mind games. I do think there is something to that. Alimundi has this effect where with minimal effort he can evoke this black coal from the souls of those silly enough to fall for him which I envy with my every being but I am willing to bet all the money in the world that he doesnt have as much fun as I do. Scunthorpe can get silly gits to crooning with every word he utters but instead of it turning into a fun game of push and pull afterwards, they just sink their teeth into his very pores and no one wants a rat eating at your knees. What you want is for a girl to be completely sold on what you have to say but once you call it quiets then they must crave what once was.
I like girls cuz they think they're funny, like they can control how our minds work but they have one huge major weakness, they're too emotional. I like the ones that have this sense of "Im too cool right now, none will get to me" and yet when you look at it really closely, same amount of work done in them as anyone else and they'll be wrapped around your finger tighter than a promise ring.
I like having my girlfriend. Thats only one mind that I can play with and its all light hearted stuff, things that hold no consequence and thus make it enjoyable because its not like Im on some sorta prowl looking to score big mind fxxk points or anything, just me and my girl who is important enough to be spared. Haha ah she killed me when she used that little voice that I just cant resist for crap the other night, "Promise not to when Im away". I was like whatup, of course I wouldn't but that there just scored you about a thousand points, you're safe esse.
Monday, January 3, 2011
I wont tear myself apart if you promise to paint me, as a work of art
"Summer time has come and gone, all used up with wishful thinking..." Bloc Party know how to put words to thoughts, they have tongues which they use to relay themselves hence I understand them so well..
2010 was officially only a month long, Im not sure what you call all that time afterwards but that too is also over. I can happily say that new years was the most interesting new years I've had ooit. It was just one mash up adventure. From flipping missioning to get ice, nearly being killed in the process to walking around being offered ganja to bloody having a mob of locusts come and throw cereal around our camp and all the randoms who either had their tits felt, woke up in other peoples beds or were there but no one knew who they were because we only spoke in hand gestures...
I think the best part for me was the debauchery. From my point of view where I assume Im in a committed relationship it all looks so funny. I completely understand everything done by those people, its new years and as a latent rule you are kinda forgiven for having a one track mind. Sure its not a good thing to do haha but its still funny. Im just waiting for someone to come to their frikin senses so there are some actual people with gall who will get their heads out their ass and make some bloody drama. This fairy stuff that goes on, this "its ok babe i'll forgive you" is frikin bullshit, there's something you refuse to be hypocritical about, I know these things I've played these games before. I must add though that Im honestly, unbelievably proud of Kirby for having the balls to confess to her eyebrowed wonder of her little moment of abandon, its not often you see people do that these days and to me thats a quality worth more than anything else.
I went there in one state of mind and left in a completely different one. I didnt know who'd be there, frankly I didnt care either. At one point I did pull a "Goat-Looking James" and just didnt trust completely. Im sure Im right in doing so, at some point I'll be right because if I spent my nights alone with girls in tree houses, surely that would spark suspicion, not just from my immediate connect but also from those around haha and those around can really tell a believable story.
Im not heaping any praise on this year because Im sure that'll just make it fail, as long as my trusted F1 delivers then I am a happy man.
2010 was officially only a month long, Im not sure what you call all that time afterwards but that too is also over. I can happily say that new years was the most interesting new years I've had ooit. It was just one mash up adventure. From flipping missioning to get ice, nearly being killed in the process to walking around being offered ganja to bloody having a mob of locusts come and throw cereal around our camp and all the randoms who either had their tits felt, woke up in other peoples beds or were there but no one knew who they were because we only spoke in hand gestures...
I think the best part for me was the debauchery. From my point of view where I assume Im in a committed relationship it all looks so funny. I completely understand everything done by those people, its new years and as a latent rule you are kinda forgiven for having a one track mind. Sure its not a good thing to do haha but its still funny. Im just waiting for someone to come to their frikin senses so there are some actual people with gall who will get their heads out their ass and make some bloody drama. This fairy stuff that goes on, this "its ok babe i'll forgive you" is frikin bullshit, there's something you refuse to be hypocritical about, I know these things I've played these games before. I must add though that Im honestly, unbelievably proud of Kirby for having the balls to confess to her eyebrowed wonder of her little moment of abandon, its not often you see people do that these days and to me thats a quality worth more than anything else.
I went there in one state of mind and left in a completely different one. I didnt know who'd be there, frankly I didnt care either. At one point I did pull a "Goat-Looking James" and just didnt trust completely. Im sure Im right in doing so, at some point I'll be right because if I spent my nights alone with girls in tree houses, surely that would spark suspicion, not just from my immediate connect but also from those around haha and those around can really tell a believable story.
Im not heaping any praise on this year because Im sure that'll just make it fail, as long as my trusted F1 delivers then I am a happy man.
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