That 3am post thing I do

Yesterday was the 27th. A day that holds nothing special over another to most but to others it has importance for various reasons. That would've been 9 months and to be honest I'd forgotten about the dates a long time ago but I never forgot the lessons learned... Haha Im almost sad to think that I could've pulled a full human gestation period out my ass but 6 and 29 days aint nothing to be ashamed of.

Since I've been let loose on this world I can say that I've come to do a lot of things that have taught me many lessons that I wont forget any time soon. I learnt what it felt like to feel like a part of you is missing, I learnt what it feels like to be something you hate but most importantly I learnt what I want outta things. Loose living isn't my thing. I dont mean I wanna be tied down because I really dont have the energy or patience to forge something tangible with a complete stranger but I've come to learn how to value things.

I remember the GMT weekend. Haha I had a huge chat about these very things with my dad's friend on the way to uShaka that afternoon. He said to me that in life there will be ones that make you feel great, ones you make feel great, ones that completely break your soul and those whose souls you'll destroy and there will be ones that will make everything all worth it no matter what. He asked me if there was anyone special I fancied and then he said something that I thought was quite strange, stranger than the fact that we were discussing the merits of a lovelife in the first place, he said to me "Dont be upset when it ends". Now, that I thought was strange because at that time I'd never had much notion of it really ending but those words kinda stuck with me. I remember walking to get bunnies with the guys and thinking"This is a little taste of the single life I was once part of". I honestly felt like I was no different to any of the guys there cuz for the first time since about that day at the beach riding those rides I felt like I was on the same level as everyone even if it was only for a second. Obviously tho the biggest difference was that despite everything, my heart was pining to be reunited with what it longed for the most and unfortunately that was a long way away.

I remember monday morning of that weekend vividly cuz I woke up feeling like death and then realised I had an early morning session with my therapist and almost cancelled but if I had then I really doubt my head would be thinking the way it is right now.

In this 90 day space of time I've realized just what I want, how and where I want it. I've come to learn that this single business is different now to what it was before, its cutthroat. You go to bed one night thinking holy crap but then you wake up and everything has been reset. Dont get me wrong tho Im not growing old. There is no sweeter victory to me than that little moment when you just know, when your mind clicks and you're like, "Im in there". To me thats really more fun than anything else that follows because its all fun and stuff telling how you mashed your tongue down someone's throat but the greatest victory is the one that comes from the first few moments when you're still going back and forth.

Someone once said to me that nothing beats going after your next conquest and I couldn't agree more, only this time things are a lot more different and life is gonna get a lot stranger...

They took jock out the bushveld

I was watching the December Streets video the other day and in one of the scenes the lead guy dresses up like a jock and I really didnt mind that song, I listened to it often on the radio but because of my prejudice, I couldn't bring myself to watch the rest of that video.

Now I think its safe to say that I am not a fan of the jock mentality. I dont spend my weekends pursuing easy whores to put up my numbers at clubs I probably am too young for but reckon Im cool enough in my own right. I dont like the way they have this universal fashion sense that has become their uniform, lumo wife beaters, shorts, those pointy white shoes and a backwards cap or sweat band to go with their floppy manes which tend to be highlighted these days and of course their massive arms cuz they're all gym bunnies. I dont understand this obsession with their need to be covered in dayglo colours. Is it because the human brain is attracted to shiny things and to mask their idiocy they blind you?

Physical appearances dont count for much with me cuz we all have our varying tastes but I think from every kinda person I've seen like that, none of them has shown that they have more than two brain cells and can comprehend basic human skills. What grinds my gears is how their thought process reads the same over and over again, "gym, illuminate, land a slag, gym. Repeat". Im pretty certain, and believe me when I say this, that this jock movement must've started somewhere in the jungle. Someone must've seen a gorilla and thought "You know what? I wanna be that animal because I have no use as a human being anymore" so he went and on and soon every impressionable git has followed. They have the same characteristics, from their short tempers to the eating of their own poo. I actually feel bad now for comparing a gorilla to a jock because I happen to know gorillas that are actually pretty smart.

Im not a shoulder to lean on, but I digress

They say the best way to deal with your problems is to talk to someone about them. Well Im sure that works for others and generally I have seen it make some difference to just get something off your chest but that usually isn't my style.

I've somehow become the leaning post of some. The one they come to with their problems and for some I'll gladly listen and help where I can but there are those that I just couldn't give a crap about and it gets tiresome and generally this is cuz I have enough to deal with myself. Like I have no problem being an outlet but to some thats all I'll ever be, they can forget about getting more from me.

Haha but now what scares my poor little brain that I house inside my head for safe keeping is that I too have someone I go to with all my ouchies and my bruises haha and lately its been so severe that Im afraid Im draining the poor child. My little brother had this toilet for potty training that had this button which made the toilet play this tune and I remember I was about like 7 or something and it was running out of batteries cuz it was being used so much and I remember it playing its distorted tune then kinda dying like how all electronic devices die on tv and I was very bummed. That night I cried over the death of a potty and I dont wanna be killing my closest companion with all my crap haha especially in such delicate times..

"I dont like these people. You're going to turn into a basket case". Haha eh I dont think Im the one to worry about, its too late for me...

Im your P.R.O. (Public Relations Officer) but you're a PRO (Pregnant Retarded Ostrich)

I was just thinking about it now, I've done my fair share of talking for the benefit of others. I get asked often enough about certain creatures I hang about with and I always feel it is my duty to paint a positive picture no matter what.

Just the other night I was explaining to a girl how Haggard is the best thing thats ever happened to her best friend, how in him, happiness will abound and fairies and unicorns shall exist again. He hasn't let me down, have you seen his myFace profile picture? Ncaaaaw cute man:). I've also been the leaning post of all those little nippers that are in love with Scunthorpe and need guidance in their feelings and I listen and speak nothing but praises of this figure. I really sell my client when it comes to it. There is a satisfaction in knowing that your words have given a view to someone that you have fabricated, its probably how salesmen feel, knowing that the public see something the way you see it and want them to see it.

And then comes to that other guy...

You'd think being a blonde with blue eyes and huge muscles he'd be something the ladies would lap up in seconds but lately I've been very disappointed in what goes on. Girls have been saying the same thing, "He was nice at first but then it changed." These words make me sad because you see the thing is, not too long ago, females would flock to him, bringing him giftes of sweets and chips and T shirts and now I haven't heard of him jabbing his tongue down anyone's throat. I mean fair play to the boy he's slighty more attractive than a goat and its nothing more than a spot of bad luck but I know how to fix it.

See I've deduced that this here is like karma just giving a little warning to what it can do. Remember how he chased away the unattractive and unbelievably disfigured? How because of the heart break he faced in the winter of '05, he went and shattered the hearts of millions? Remember how he who was loved by Trisha, turned around and put her efforts, her heart, her openness to the dating market in the bin? He who coined 'Samuel' 'Asbintos' 'Walrus' 'Avatar' 'Beaven' 'Cheese' '12 year old', he is the one being haunted by these souls and now it lies upon me to fight the powers of karma to bring this injustice to light and to make sure we have our peace and we resume as normal. I honestly dont think it would do any harm if he went back and became mates with all of those he has killed in the past but I'd be very put off cuz that aint normal and frankly its not funny.

Which brings me to my point. I find it hilarious when girls say they aren't interested cuz we all know should he take a fancy then he will get them and make them cry, hence I still tell girls stories of his bravery and that once good nature he possessed. Its just really funny when they ask, "What happened to Ben? He would've made such a good boyfriend."

I've had enough politics for a while

I casted my first vote today, was a very boring process.

I wont get into the adventure of a journey that ended up with me in a pikinini colony with no pants on and a whole bunch of people trying to win my vote but what was interesting was all the parties to choose from. Its multiple choice so you're thinking, "Well if I pick one then I wont be too wrong" but I knew what I was looking for, flipping Tamil Tigers. Unfortunately they have a very boring name me go by day is the Minority Front. You read that on a page and you look your heart sinks but you see their logo which is that tiger and you get all excited. I honestly did find myself thinking whether or not they were run by tigers somewhere deep in the many unknown secret rooms of Parliament. Imagine how cool it'd be to be run by tigers. There would be no taxes on anything of value, you'd be allowed to shoot vegetarians in the middle of the face and vegans would never exists, criminals would get death by being killed and eaten by our leaders and clothes would be optional. Pity its run by Raj and his lannies ekse.

There are actually so many parties out there that we dont know about and if voting went by which name sounded best then I'd definately vote for the Keep It Straight and Simple party or K.I.S.S. Story goes that its run by an old lady who just got fed up. Workers International Vanguard League - they sound like a bunch of super powered car guards kinda like the justice league, you'd be forced to tip your car guard next time or risk imprisonment or catching a super powered FPK.

The MAIDS has got me good

So after waking up with a disease in my mouth yesterday I can happily say that my life sucks.

Disease isn't so bad cuz in most cases it goes away after a while and this is no different but it really sucks when it's at its strongest point and you gotta sit there and suffer. Today the swelling had gone down a bit, I can actually make my teeth touch when I close my mouth which is a major plus, I was begining to feel like those Ethiopians you see in those pictures who collect flies in their mouths.

I still cant eat for crap tho. I can only have soups and those soups are made terrible by the fact that I dont that after I finish it I have to take more drugs. Honestly if man was meant to eat warmed up dish water then he'd cease to exists. Im wasting away here, all I want is to chow down on something which has more consistency that urine.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be either more better or so drugged up that I dont notice a thing.

This pain aint no secret and Im not singing, Im screaming.

Yesterday I woke up after a very lovely Saturday evening that was quite fun, the only problem being was that I had this unbelievable ache in my tooth.

So now that its the next day its just gotten so much worse. Honestly it feels like someone is sitting with a knife in my mouth and stabbing every sensitive nerve I have. To top it off my throat hurts so swallowing anything is the biggest mission in the world. I took some pain meds today but all they did was leave holes in my stomach, they didnt even bother to work at all. They're proper public service delivery pills, frikin useless at what they're meant to do.

Im going to heal, Im sure I've already started so there is no reason to be worried, only cry for me when I cry along with you, or cry whenever you want really but crying is annoying

I forgot the title of my posts about my dream. Part 3

So we put the meat in a bowl to fix up later and Ben had some ribs so Connor and I go and cut section and Im like, "Connor, we ruined Ben's life" and Brandon's like "Ya these taste like coal". So now Connor and I are amped cuz we annoyed Ben so we start doing this stupid dance while we shake hands and then all of a sudden, all our teachers from primary school are there dancing around cuz they're amped we ruined Ben's food which is his life and Mrs. Wright is jamming hecticaly like she's on acid or something and Mr. Hawyes was the DJ and he had these massive decks and we were all going crazy crazy, except for Ben, he wasn't so amped on not having food hey.

This is a good enough dream for me to post. Part 2

So we start making our way back to the house but we come across this other house thats also old and spooky. We go inside and it's Gran's old house but it was this massive mansion thing, everytime we thought she was in the Man Cave she was actually just chilling in there. So we go inside and I start playing My Fair Elise on the old piano and Mattian is the fifth guy now and he starts playing with me and we're jamming, making everything spooky so we leave the house and when Phiwe was the fifth guy he'd made a fire and was braaiing some meat. So Brandon, Ben and I stand by the pool pump and I spat on the floor and it caught alight so I start stomping on it trying to put it out so Connor, who is now the fifth guy, takes a bowl of some strange water trying to put it out and turns it into this huge blaze and there was some of Ben's ribs in the pool pump, and two whole chickens underneath the trampoline. So we go around putting water on the flames and now we're bleak about the meat.

This is a good enough dream for me to post. Part 1

Well myself Ben Brandon and Tyler were at Tyler's house as usual but it was actually Andrew's house and everything was from Andrew's house except Tyler's room which was Brandon's old upstairs room and the window was his current bedroom window. So we snuck out the room at night cuz we just wanted to run around the garden and there was a fifth guy that kept changing through out the dream. First he was Kyle and so Brandon and Kyle were pissing behind myself Ben and Tyler so we started running away but we ran in the direction of that big strange sunken hole thing in Andrew's garden. So we're running away from their streams of piss and to the right on the other side of this fence was this huge empty castle, it was the Bennewith family castle thing and Tyler was spooked to be out at night cuz of it. So now we're chilling in the garden and now Phiwe is the fifth guy and Queenie phones him and he answers and says we didnt sneak out the room and so we start tuning him for lying.

I'll stop procrastinating tomorrow

I've come to realize that I am a chronic procrastinator.

Its been a while since I've come back from Splashy, I still have my washing sitting not in the washing basket, I still haven't finished my Splashy post and I still haven't done half of all the other things I was meant to after Splashy and this is all because I've fallen into the Later Later Trap. I was meant to be going for runs every morning and I'll wake up on time, get changed, look out the window and just fade into a deep sleep and this morning is when I finally realized Im a useless motivationless waste of being, chickens have more intent with their heads off and blood spurting out the top of their necks.

Tomorrow if I dont sort myself out then I may as well resign as a human and become a sheep or something with no will to live or do anything.

My quiet den is crowded with the screams of, "Rescue me."

My days have been filled with me in a bad space. My my head has been taken over by thoughts that should never ever trouble a dashing youth like myself and it is because of those that seek my attention and sympathy.

Chilled I dont mind giving attention and/or sympathy or any other emotion when I can see a genuine need to and Im feeling nice but those that come properly bugging from the start and just pull out these bogus claims then ay ekse, I couldn't give a crap. So now this girl has come and potentially shattered the world as we know it, it'll never ever exist in the same thread as before and my mind is running at a million miles from home and then she tunes, "ah no its all hunky dory now" and Im like "Excuse me? You're the one who was telling me of the apocalypse coming and the many signs of the death of a planet and its life forms and now you're saying its a false alarm? Bitch please."

That also brings me to something else, not of the same vein but also a thought I had. So lately there's all this speculation going around about whats happening in my love life, Im no celebrity so I didnt understand where all this talk was coming from and frankly I dont see any fascination with anything I do so I dont understand why randoms would question me about anything? See another thing thats transpired, and I'd already known this, is that my sweet little dearest cannot be alone. Im sorry my dear to call you out on this but it must be put out there for this section of the post to make sense. She has this level of being wanted that I've never seen in any other person before, this want to be central to all which is cute and everything but not when you're dealing with what you think is the scum of the earth and everything has now become a major exaggeration for reasons unexplainable to others. 6 months and 29 days is a long time. I know how when something bothers you its as if the sun has been swallowed by the moon and its reason to stress, I understand how if you're upset we must have a moments silence for the happiness that's gone astray and if it were anyone else honestly I would've told them to go die in a trench of rotting corpses but those words have never passed my lips. So chilled I get the floating speculations going on about you and I cuz I know how you'll stress something, its probably why your friends dont like me cuz lord knows how bad things may have been made to sound when you were upset but I mean its chilled, the only problem with doing things like that is I'd hate for one thing to be said and then I go and say another, that'll piss me off and make me look like an eejit and eejit just isn't my colour.