Yesterday was the 27th. A day that holds nothing special over another to most but to others it has importance for various reasons. That would've been 9 months and to be honest I'd forgotten about the dates a long time ago but I never forgot the lessons learned... Haha Im almost sad to think that I could've pulled a full human gestation period out my ass but 6 and 29 days aint nothing to be ashamed of.
Since I've been let loose on this world I can say that I've come to do a lot of things that have taught me many lessons that I wont forget any time soon. I learnt what it felt like to feel like a part of you is missing, I learnt what it feels like to be something you hate but most importantly I learnt what I want outta things. Loose living isn't my thing. I dont mean I wanna be tied down because I really dont have the energy or patience to forge something tangible with a complete stranger but I've come to learn how to value things.
I remember the GMT weekend. Haha I had a huge chat about these very things with my dad's friend on the way to uShaka that afternoon. He said to me that in life there will be ones that make you feel great, ones you make feel great, ones that completely break your soul and those whose souls you'll destroy and there will be ones that will make everything all worth it no matter what. He asked me if there was anyone special I fancied and then he said something that I thought was quite strange, stranger than the fact that we were discussing the merits of a lovelife in the first place, he said to me "Dont be upset when it ends". Now, that I thought was strange because at that time I'd never had much notion of it really ending but those words kinda stuck with me. I remember walking to get bunnies with the guys and thinking"This is a little taste of the single life I was once part of". I honestly felt like I was no different to any of the guys there cuz for the first time since about that day at the beach riding those rides I felt like I was on the same level as everyone even if it was only for a second. Obviously tho the biggest difference was that despite everything, my heart was pining to be reunited with what it longed for the most and unfortunately that was a long way away.
I remember monday morning of that weekend vividly cuz I woke up feeling like death and then realised I had an early morning session with my therapist and almost cancelled but if I had then I really doubt my head would be thinking the way it is right now.
In this 90 day space of time I've realized just what I want, how and where I want it. I've come to learn that this single business is different now to what it was before, its cutthroat. You go to bed one night thinking holy crap but then you wake up and everything has been reset. Dont get me wrong tho Im not growing old. There is no sweeter victory to me than that little moment when you just know, when your mind clicks and you're like, "Im in there". To me thats really more fun than anything else that follows because its all fun and stuff telling how you mashed your tongue down someone's throat but the greatest victory is the one that comes from the first few moments when you're still going back and forth.
Someone once said to me that nothing beats going after your next conquest and I couldn't agree more, only this time things are a lot more different and life is gonna get a lot stranger...
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