Frustration Station

One of the saddest moments is realising you don't like someone the way you once used to. You look at them and just feel nothing where there used to be something and that kind of makes me feel a little sad.

I know this feeling all too well. I have this fault, I think it's just me being a guy with a short attention span, but I tend to be into someone for a while and then after a bit I just fizzle out. Today I was sitting on a bench at school and watching people mill about and there was this pretty young thing that caught my eye. She's been the object of my affection for a few weeks now and it's been a cloak and dagger kind of affair and it has left me unbelievably frustrated at times. I think I'm still adjusting to the whole thing of having competition when vying for someone's affections. Okay, I've always had competition, I'm not bothered with that at all. If anything, I relish a bit of tug o' war. What's been plaguing my mind though is that I'm basically dealing with a mirror image in terms of openness and that makes me want to shoot myself in the foot. If I had to have a thing with myself, I'd know exactly what's going through my own mind but I'd be so frustrated because I wouldn't be letting it on to myself, makes sense? Honestly, nothing grinds my gears more than dealing with a girl who tries to be a closed book. I'm a closed book, end of story. I'll be open enough to a point and then BAM, shut. I'm basically the equivalent of the preview of another book in the series that you get at the end of some books. I know I'm being very hypocritical here. Haha I'm actually being very silly but it is something I'm learning to work on everyday, with the right set of people, but still. Basically, I know what's behind her closed doors but it sometimes frustrates me because she just wont flipping say it. Anyway, when I looked at her today, looking all manners of good, flip I'm still having heart palpitations just thinking about that rear end, I realised that I either don't feel for her like I once thought I did or I'm in a lot of trouble.

I'm not seeking anything further than casual relations. I don't even have a proper eye set on anyone right now. I'm flowing free with affection and basically bringing cheer and great tidings to anyone I see fit. Obviously there must be certain criteria. Move my mind and stir up my soul and I promise I'll be yours for as long as you want, or till the feeling wears off. I've had a string of lesser paramores in the past and I think I owe it to myself to have a bit of something stirred up inside me. I want to be challenged on every level till I feel as if I'm about to fall off the bend. Once you do that, I can basically guarantee my undying affections for you.
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