I know i shouldn't be bothered. I know it means nothing. I know it didnt happen and i know i shouldn't write this post but i just cant stew without venting.
I had a magical night, truely magnificent but i guess i just needed a bit of a prod to push me over. I've had a whole bunch of anxiety over the up coming week and i guess its decided to manifest itself as a bit of senseless rage. I used to have days of properly raging for no reason, just really get heavily angry and it would only last a little while and i would be fine again but its so much harder trying to rage when you have to keep it all under wraps.
Right now all I want is to be swallowed by an angel and pooped out as a happy little person, is that too much to ask? Like really i usually never go green Haha and its stupid that im thinkin about it now but its irritating me, i need to run it through my mind so it becomes used to it and numbs it but right now that just might not work. Have I not marked it well enough that i dont do the whole swinging thing? I am not omnipresent but surely red flags should come up when that thought dares to cross the mind? Im probably gettin a bit outta line. I understand how these things work, thinking is the last thing that takes place I've been there before i know what its like but its alot different being on this side of the fence, funny even. I love how i lack empathy it helps.
Haha ah am I intimidated? Maybe, maybe im a spineless pussy or maybe im just willing to hold onto what i have. In the words of Jack, "agh fok it, klaar geworry ek's klaar. As jy my soek ek's die ou met die snor by die bar"
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