You're only as good as your last game...

So here we are, the aftermath has been seen and although no one knows where to from here I can gladly say that the moments that lead up to this place are quite something.

Its a pity that once say, a highly mediocre, barely noticeable, say uh, team has a good once off spell against say, a brilliant, shining beacon of power, skill and unimaginable excellence, people tend to forget where their place is... Sure we can never expect brilliance to shine out our asses all the time but in those moments we also cant forget just what can happen when things do go well as they always will eventually. Maybe Im giving the biggest ego boosting Bjob but come on, we're world champions for heavens sake. Pity about the draw there, Im sure you'll have a lot to skryf about hmmm??

Here comes the dreaded new year.

People take this time to kinda asses and change themselves. I on the other hand LOVE myself right now, I couldn't be a better me than Im being right now. Sure there are points I could change but I mean screw that crap esse. New Years has been "planned" and I hold fingers that it does not rear up its cursed head of disappointment but actually shines upon us in a favourable light we've only ever heard of in strange visions and dreams of others.

I want to declare a war

Funny how a day which had so much going for it could turn out so frikin crap...

Shmeckles Day, 4 months and a family day rolled into one, disaster shall ensue. Its like having a movie with a superstar cast, it'll bomb out much like Tropic Thunder. We get home and Im given the biggest grilling of my life for something I didnt even do. My parents have this way of taking a whole portion of blame and dumping it on everyone which doesn't solve a single thing and you who've done nothing at all are just as guilty and I was completely fed up, I was ready to get stuck into this argument but they know how I operate, they know how to go round in such a way that makes me rethink about blowing my gasket.

I thought that was the worst of my rotten luck done and I guess I kinda deserved the next bit I mean I didnt so much as provoke the bear when I cancelled those plans. I guess in the eyes of others it could be seen as an excuse to hang out with friends and really maybe any other day it could've been and so I get the animosity and hostility but my word today wasn't the day for it. My thoughts were flying at about a million miles in the wrong direction and thank all that is seen as higher power for my "screw this crap" attitude or I would've really gotten stuck in there and that would've been the wrong place to release all my pent up anger and frustration. Im still quite peeved I wont lie, I may have been rather irrate at one point but this too shall pass.

To add injury to insult, I couldn't even watch the one thing that I was certain would pick up my spirits. All I've been looking forward to today was watching the Chelsea vs Arsenal game and well that clearly didnt happen with the roommates I have. Guess its good that I didnt watch it or else I would've been in an even worse state and this throbbing headache I've gone and picked up hasn't helped matters at all...

Here's to tomorrow being better, the week being a marvel and to a bit of level headedness...

I've been driving, a mid sized car

If all Mondays were like this I'd be a happy person.

Was woken up at half 7 on the dot and got told to get ready, for what I didnt know. At about 10 all were ready and we set out on a journey. Spent the day in the midlands which wasn't so bad, they seem to have nice food and Im sure they have nice animals as well.
My dad deposited the family at the zoo and then we went driving.

I've done alot of proper driving lately with the father now on leave but today was much better. I dont have a heavy right foot, its just big so its a bit of a challenge to keep at a constant speed when the road is open and the bends allow you to take them from behind at atleast 100. I had my Stig moment of some lovely wheelspin. The smell of tyre smoke is actually quite nice, its sweet and sickly, kinda like burning human flesh, it tickles the nose and you can almost taste it and you just cant help taking another whiff.

I've decided that my happy place is actually behind the wheel. I've always known this to be true but I am officially admitting it, grinning like an eejit doesn't come often but I swear when you move the earth you feel like you've gone and conquered many nations before you've even set out. You have not lived until you've shifted stick and no one can claim any other experience in life to be better cuz there just isn't. Im going to move to either Davos or Stelvio and drive that pass everyday in a Lamborghini or maybe even Godzilla for the rest of my life, I dont care about food, water, women or anything else that doesn't really make much sense. There just isn't anything out there that is better than the joys offered by the Gods of Automotives.

its that time again

Its funny really, so much hype put behind this day and here it is facing us.

I woke up this morning just like every other day, crap dream, same morning dilemma, same need to piss and a bunch of plates at the foot of my bed?

The children have done their present haul, a whole bunch of games which arent to my taste mainly cuz I was off the list. Im quite amped they listened to a point, sure its not gonna be a quiet day but at least we'll be with the grand mother who im very impartial of, nice little old lady that. The headphones do me well but another coupla months wouldn't have been so bad. Haha my dear mother just walked in and Jack was going through his 'belville shit'.

After seeing an artist live you notice their little tweaks of their songs. When I listen to Oxymoron I sing Greg's version and now with Jack I have a new respect for some of his songs. Like once You've gone and seen that there is another better way to do things then it becomes second nature to do them that way.

I dont know if there's meant to be an air of expectancy around today, am I meant to wish a billion people a Merry Christmas, Im not sure but this here will be me using my initiative and saying Happy Merry Christmas and such lovely things that go along those lines, much to be thankful for. The friends, the wonderful friends.. The family, the faulty but functional family. The fact of still being alive, its chilled that we're still alive. The things we give and recieve, ah all that jazz we appreciate and sometimes take for granted.

This is a story I like

I just read one of my previous posts, the one month one and I love that little Lewis Hamilton quote I have there.

This is my longest relationship to date, the previous one being 3 months and 17 days. This one is nudging 4 months which isn't long in fairy speak or the world of the ideal person but in my land of minimal effort and constant complaining, its a hell of a long time. If I didnt complain so much I honestly doubt it would be the same. I doubt I would like it so much, it wouldn't mean that much if I crooned about how fantastic life is in a bed of roses, it wouldn't mean anything to me if I wasn't real.

This one here is different. I remember about April I think it was, I decided that the next relationship I had would have more meaning to it than any before and possibly any that would come within a year after it. Its draining. I've never ever liked being the random who has a girlfriend while everyone is on their own mission. I didnt like feeling like i couldn't make the eyes at anyone else.

I remember one morning I woke up and I'd completely forgotten I had a girlfriend and I checked my phone and I had a message along the lines of "Babe what we doing today" and I was like wtf who is this person calling me babes and asking what im doing today, with them as well cuz my phone didnt show the names of the people who texted me and I spent at least 7 minutes trying to work out who this person is, after a while it all came back to me and I made a conscious decision to hook up with this girl cuz how dare she confuse me and expect to walk away as free as birth, ha.

Thats the nice thing about being with someone. You kinda click that out there is some random you found who is directly linked to your set of emotions, some strange cat who makes you hate listening to love songs cuz all they talk about is the two of you and that silly eejit who makes you watch stupid programs when you're alone because they mentioned it to you once and you're like why the hell am I watching this crap seriously no one will believe that wearing a blonde wig suddenly makes you a completely different person and a superstar, its plain to see that you're still the same person frikin hell this program is for satan. Thats why I like being the random who has a girlfriend. I like how it feels strange to make the eyes at someone and thats why I like Lewis' words cuz they still ring true. For the first time in my life I was proud to have a girlfriend when he kissed Nicole before he got into his car, I was like "Hmmm I have one of those, damnit I miss her".

"Hypocrisy", you're not being straight with me

Today was fantastic. Brilliant start to a day that was good besides this really annoying headache that I've had since who knows when.

When I woke up this morning I wasn't expecting such a wonderful start to the day. I was confronted by Cheese on something I had used as my status, Im amped she knew straight away who and what it was about cuz it just saved a whole load of effort I really didnt feel like going through. What I noticed is this thing that she does where everything becomes "its my fault, I understand. I just dont know what to say". Saying that doesn't make anything better or disappear, what you're actually saying is "I take responsibility for my actions, hence I did them but I just dont care enough to go and work out a solution but I'll leave it to you", thats a huge middle finger to the face of anyone ever involved with a person who does that cuz you know that nothing is being resolved but Im amped because now it just makes everything else so much more interesting...

Another trend I've picked up is this whole thing about selling yourself out short. I had a very interesting conversation with a girl who claimed to be of minimal value to anyone but wouldn't say so because its not right, its not what people should do but here it is happening and I was saying thats not true because obviously we all have value to someone and this was a pointless conversation cuz she was kinda being a hypocrit but then I thought about it and is that such a bad thing?

Obviously its no good not being straight with yourself and others but to me anyway, it boils down to your current truth at the time. Perfect example: I wanted a Blackberry for a long time because it has a really fantastic keypad and blogging would be a dream but then I came to realize how much of a hassle they can be and have this annoying habit of becoming a nuisance and i slate them whatever chance I get but yet I still would have one. Some may say that is me being a hypocrit but I see it as me going by my own truth at this present time which is they're annoying.

What grinds my gears though is this whole pointing out of these facts. Sure its fun to be seen as a hero but we all have our faults, I was just calling someone else a hypocrit when I myself am one too so where is the point where one is right and the other is wrong? Im a hypocrit and I have every right to be, so what, it works for me so as you said my dear, "Its not how you preceive the others, its how you see yourself".

Claimers are annoy

Tonight has been rather splendid. Chilled wuth the mates, made fun with the giff and others...

I dont like it when things are claimed though. So apparently again I was macking hoes but the funny thing is, I was just havin a dimck with a mate who just happens to be a girl. I have a certain respect for girls and mates and there is a line that you dont cross and thankfully I havent crossed it so I was annoyed when the Gay claimed such things. Im a nice boy by the way, I am somewhat respectable when I choose to be and I can wipe my own bum so lets just chill with the claims.

Dear Bugborn.

Thank you for getting us in trouble for no reason. We dont go around kicking peoples dogs so you can tell your FatBint mates to chill on the aqusations and just go to bed. We have no beef with dogs and dont go around kicking them in the face so its chilled.

Come around more often when you aren't a queer and we can be mates...

Pants on the ground

The greatest moments in life are those that dont involve pants.

Im not talkina about fully taking them off, its acceptable to have them around your ankles or by your knees, it still counts. When I take a whizz I dont push my pants to my ankles, they kinda just chill halfway abouve my knee or at the knee. Its actually the same when I take the kids to swimming, the only difference being that Im sitting. Ask anyone in the worrrld and they'll tell you that there is no greater pleasure than taking a poo. It ahs been established that girls aren't turned on by scars anymore because this generation is filled with play stationers and nuclear bombists and no soldiers, secrectly girls have brains but wont admit it cuz they think we want the blonde dumbo's from the 90's and no sexual act could ever compare to any supercar but I beg deny that taking a crap isn't fun...

Show me someone who hates taking a dump and I will show you a liar. Really there is this sorta strong feeling of happiness and acheivement when you squeeze through a green torpedo and that feeling of disappointment when you splatter a hail of poo on the bowl like a shotgun. Its never boring cuz you dono what you'll push out, its free, its not a mass participation thing unless you're strange and the build up to it is even enjoyable cuz we also love eating. I need to check out my toilet count sometime soon but I can say right now that each and very one jotted down was flipping nice.

I've decided that nothing else will be as constant as the joys and laughs poo has brought us, whether it be from conversation, images, toys, hobos and other things. We thank you old friend, from the begining of humanity to now.

A thousand thoughts captured in one night...

Last night was interesting to say the least...

Two parties in one night that were such extreme polar opposites that it is actually quite strange considering the first one as one instead of just a gathering of bints. So during the space of the night with all the last minute planning and the sneaking in and the throwing of glow sticks, one thing was happening in the background that ended up making me write down how i felt on that state before it vanished and never maded on my rant spot.

First Thought.

So here I am lying here listening to Greg and his music is making unbelievable sense. I feel at ease, like I'm one with who I really am, haven't felt like this in a long time. We had a tiff today, I'm over these moments of uneasiness  really they annoy me. Listening Zephyrus  right now and this song was always one I associated with someone else but it makes more sense to put it to you right now. I know I've been difficult. One thing I learnt from my dad was to "Let them falter and see how they go about redeeming themselves". I know how I am emotionally inside. If I say I feel something then there is obviously truth behind it or else I wouldn't say it. I know how I feel I don't need it to be decided for me by a jury of people, I will put it up to people sure but at the end of the day the final say is mine and I know how i shall bear each decision because I've already thought that through.

Second Thought.

Ion Square still has the same effect on me as the very first time I listened to it. Every word it says I mean whole heartedly. Sure I mean I'm not gonna slit my wrists or go jump off a cliff should something drastic happen but that doesn't change the way I feel now, it doesn't change how I regard you and always have. Take a listen to it and see exactly how I feel... "Intimacy is a brilliant album, it chronicles a relationship from its birth, those moments of rebellious abandon, the highs of it, the dying spark and to top it off, the death of the girl so brilliantly that I do swear the album was written for me. Everything in it has such a strong meaning of which I have a strong affiliation which is weird. Last night was a good party. Had two good opportunities to just forget everything but it just didn't happen. Its not where I want to be right now and I could care less for what is said but at the end of the day I know I am a better person for the actions I took than anyone could ever say to me, at the end of the day my happiness comes first right?

I wish they listened when I said tell me

Back to the street, back to the place, back to the room where it all began. Here I am sitting in front of Alimundi's computer where I first started My Blog. I remember that night I got killed and eaten for supporting a friend only to be side swiped the following weekend after the grilling I got but it seems it all doesnt end there...

It's bad for me to draw up my own conclusions, I've left many a person because of that. I never forget, I just let it slide. It never leaves my head, its always been lodged in my head and I love finding out more about something I thought was dead. I know what went down, I know that to every occurence there are two sides to the story and having found out the side I've been wanting to find out, I dont see why I wasnt told. I dont see why it was such a big deal, that we have to regard things so hush hush. Without getting into everything because its somewhat annoying, I understand the need to feel wanted, some people depend on that, I just dont the see the point of being so disclosed about it. Dont get me wrong I have moved on from all that crap, I've used up all that emotion which I am actually quite certain is why I dont get bothered by those things, Im just peeved that to find out what I already knew, I had to do it myself...

Possibly the best post I've written on a computer before, think Im taking this one home with me.

People say...

Some say that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears' head, others say he once punched a horse to the ground...

How many times has someone said to you, "People said this and this and this to me about that and such". Have you ever wondered who those "People" are? Many times I've been told many random and incriminating things by someone and the always claimed they heard it from "People".

Back in grade 7 it was, if you gave a fact or something during class and said, "They say that..." Bearded Teacher would always ask who this "They" are because what really is the point of being told something if you have no face or name to put to it? This thought me that you gotta get some sorta identity or it holds no value.  You might as well be speaking out your ass. In my experience as a children I remember back in the day there was an incident where it was said to me, "People say they dont like so and so" but really that was just code for "I dont like so and so"

I dont believe in "People or They"

Now days when this "People" crops up I've learnt to find an identity behind them and if no one will give me one then there are two possibilities, either you're you're speaking out your ass, or you're speaking out your ass.

Here I am giggling

Sometimes we get annoyed when we speak and no one listens to what we say but sometimes its just the greatest thing...

Sitting here reading this thing that has words written on it and Im busy tingling. I love being a nosy bastard, I love hearing peoples thoughts, I love reading so when you mix those things then I am as happy as a pedo outside a play school. Come to think of it, this here shall be very interesting to follow...

Going to see our mate Jack and now I can say Im excited. I love music and such but if given the chance to see a band whose latest stuff I havent experienced then the experence just isn't the same. I didnt see Z&G because I didnt have their latest album and now I feel that I am ready to take them on just as I feel I am ready to take on Jack.

I lost my copy of "How To Be A Good Boyfriend For Dummies"

So if we look back to say about 3 months ago I think it is, the similarities are astounding. I find it funny because really all we do is just repeat events. Back then I was being killed and eaten for liking someone and now Im being killed and eaten for  not doing it to the set standards? I dont do the whole "pictures of us making out on myFace" or being attached at the hip and such things. Its been a while since the WD was a proper little Jack Russel, I knew it would come but I was enjoying the moments of quiet. I dont see why she has to act up, it gives away more than she understands. When you have alteria motives then at leaast do so in a quiet way really, I've played these games for much longer than Im willing to admit..

So the story goes that I fail at caring, I dont show to everyone what I show to my girlfriend which is fine cuz Im not dating everyone so whats the point?
It seems that I cant follow the rules of being a text book boyfriend, I cant show my emotions in lavender scented heart stickers, I dont carve the name of my lover onto my chest with a razor, I haven't made a huge scrapbook containing every movie ticket and photo and till slip of everything we've ever done together. I refuse to change how I conduct myself in my relationships. I've never made it a public affair, I've never been concerned with making those not involved happy in anyway and I dont see why I should. I am not perfect, Im frikin imperfect by todays standards but I like how I do it, I like that I dont have to spend every waking hour bombarding my girlfriend in lovey text messages.

Im not saying I dont do anything remotely boyfriend like because I do, I wll tell my girlfriend I love her when I feel the need just to put it out there for her so she doesnt think that I am some kinda strange being, I like it. I like how she knows just how much she means to me, how when shes around she makes me happy in many ways that someone else who is not in that situation just wouldnt get, its funny.

There is music on but who else is here? (Restated in a way that gives a certain understanding)

There"s just some things that happen that make no sense at all but ahh when that happens you just like, "Well that was gonna come anyway"

The problem with being an individual as I've always noticed is actually proving yourself to being one thus actually being exactly the same as everyone else and when that happens then what is the point? I mean really all you do is just try find a common ground where safety I guess is all you search for, where impartiality is what makes you feel somewhat pointful and when those motives are questioned then what? Don't get me wrong, I do love the moments of just re-finding yourself and every word was a slap to the face that I accepted full on, I embraced what is there for what it is and for something that when thought up again shall be something that brings the "Silent Smile" to my face. You know that smile you get when you realize that you are the only one that knows this truth that has either been spoken to you or said to you and you just know that this is where you lie, its honestly the best place to be.

Its pointless to lie to a person that can see right through you, I have a sort of understanding that brings something to the fore of my mind to a point where something were to happen, its already played in my mind so there is no point in keeping it from a me. I get that it has happened,it is of no consequence to me and it shall have no implications as long as it is said to me in the given time right?

Coldplay did nothing to help a situation, I thought Bloc Party were the band to really break a person but Chris Martin and his mates can really do damage. At the end of the day we are tight knit to a point where knitting becomes infantile...

The trouble with aging

You know how so many grown ups claim that kids now days are growing stranger and they never can understand what it is they're talking about? Well that's their fault.

Being the genius I am, I've worked it out that when we are born, we a are given a set list of topics we will speak about through out life. We all start off in the same ways, we'll discuss something until its had holes ripped into it and then we get something new to talk about,  kinda like chewing the same piece of gum over and over.

Little kids always speak about fairies and unicorns and imaginary friends, then you get those self proclaimed "pre-teens" who are obsessed with all form of gadgets, normal teenagers who are all on drugs, those twenty something people who only talk about making it, those in their thirties wondering why they still haven't made it and in your forties you finally realize that it was because all you ever did as a youngster was park off on drugs and this goes on until at the age of 80, the only thing left to talk about is knitting. Thats why all the cool old people are the ones that conserved their topics and spoke about cough drops and hip replacements at age 14 so that they could sit around with kids now and speak about nothing of any vague interest.

I know my group of friends, we've gone past that stage of baby stuff, gadgets don't phase us but instead of being normal and going on about heroin and tiggeryumyums, we spend endless hours speaking about poo.

That was interesting more than anything else

Ah last night was good...

I've been needing to just resign myself to senseless fun, proper stuff where you aren't foolish but are open. Party was really good. You can never judge an evening in the first coupla hours or else you've just gone and sentenced yourself to an early grave. I've been wanting to do go to a party without the girlfriend for once, just to see where I stand. If I can go and behave then Im doing well, if I cant then its pointless and I shouldn't be there. I spent a large portion of the night with girls, many of them in a very strange state and not once did I succumb to their seducing ways, not to stroke my own ego but I was quite chuffed with that. Shame I missed my girlfriend tho it kinda sucked.

Poor Scunt was bombarded by the TBEU (Tyler Bennewith Ex's Union), honestly if I had ex's who came out in packs to ruin my life I'd be like "Hey you stupid girls, stop being stupid and go make me some pie".

I spent at least half an hour speaking to Chris The DJ who told me the same story a minimum of 5 times. Poor little Downo being prodded in the tonsils by cliff faced girls, Pubes leaving the party completely, Ou's having search parties called for them, some making a proper effort to take pictures for the first time, a tripod of Blitzes, broken disabled toilets which I can gladly say I fixed, mainly cuz I broke it trying to fix it the first time and many fat bints with issues. I liked it and thats how every party should be.

I remember when...(Cue flashback)

I was speaking to FOTM tonight, I still feel cool speaking to people who are out of the country on mxit.

We dated for 6 months. That really blows my mind, what did I know back then to make that sorta achievement and that was just the first time, I dont know how long the other 6 times lasted. It wasn't flowers, rainbows and unicorns. I probably learnt everything I know now from that relationship, how to deal with her annoying friends, how to work on my jealousy, how to not take everything seriously and how to enjoy the small moments. She's in my top 3 girlfriends on merit that she wasn't paid to go out with me, (hey school kids are useless, paying each other to go out with someone so they can hang with the cool crowd, I still haven't forgotten that but I rate its crap, that doll wanted me, who could resist my chubby charm back then?) above Miss Black because she likes to be mean to me and its obvious who sits securely at the top right.

Was speaking to Alimundi and I was like "Ay bra wat sé jy?!" and he was like "Pieler" and I was too keen, I thought this is it bra Im doing it but then Jack came on and he said "Jack Parow bra, ek is nie bang nie", maybe that was just me chickening out but I was like you know what, if Jack Parow is not scared then why should I be. Im not gonna be rash and firstly go back on my word and I wont go back on my morals and I sure as hell wont put my feelings at risk. I've learnt that if you live on what could've been then you aren't gonna get far in life and Im already here so all I wanna do is go forwards. Clearly I've proven that I am a good person, being in control of what I do and my thoughts. Im not gonna catch BS and die, not just yet anyway. Im still smiling when I step into my McLaren.

Anyway Jack had a girlfriend who he took to the Spur on his bicycle anyway...