Lie Lie Lie

Its said that to have a healthy relationship, all you have to do is lie. Now that I've been in one for longer than two moons, I think I've gotten a handle on it.

Its so easy to lie, its kinda built up in the male brain, its an easy way to avert an unpleasant situation and its a good way to spare someones feelings and sometimes its not lying but its actually joking. You cant lie about somethings though, that I forbid.

If my girlfriend calls me up and asks what we're doing tonight and I dont want to say "Babe Im going out with the guys tonight. We'll be surrounded by girls, we're going to a strip club and I will get a lap dance that will probably lead to something else and because of that I'll catch an STD but thats ok because I wont see you for two weeks and by then it'll be sorted" I can just easily make up an excuse and say I have no network or if I want to be somewhat truthful I can always say Im just chilling with the guys. That part isn't so bad because I would be mixing a bit of truth with a bit of a lie but I've lied to her before.

Girls like to ask this question, it seems stupid to the male mind. Its actually a clever question to ask because in most cases it gives you some sort of leverage or something to work with but girls will wait for after you've shared a "cute" little moment and you're together and she's lyin in your arms and looks up at you and says "What's on your mind?". I actually fear it because once you've processed what is being asked of you, you have three options. Either tell her the truth, risk looking like a fool and ruining the moment, tell her what she wants to hear like "Im thinkin about you" and that WILL be followed by her asking "what are you thinkin about me" which WILL force you to lie, or you can be safe as houses and just say you aren't thinkin about much.

I remember being in that situation. She did everything according to the text book and asked that question and in that second it took me to answer, all those things ran through my mind. In actual fact just in case you were wondering, I was thinkin about a song and how it is someone goes about writing something that could become a hit. The second time you asked, I was wondering what it would be like to trip a greyhound running at 70km/h, would it break its legs or something or would it fall on its face, die, and then crap its guts out? These are all legit thoughts but because of the situation and the person askin the question, they cant be told so the best option is to be safe as houses.

Never ever try asking that question though. I remember asking my girlfriend what was on her mind and I've never felt more queer than that. It sounds so foreign for a guy to try use that technique, like you're the girl in the relationship and you may as well be in the kitchen making pie. I cringed after that and vowed never to try it again, not because I dont care whats on her mind but I'd rather do it in a clever, less obvious way.

I lied to her today. She asked me about something she felt she was so certain of and at first I didnt have the guts to break her little world and I was like yes you've figured it out, he is the one who does those things but then I thought about it and if I'd said Alimundi had become some writing genius, she'd probably ask him about it and he'd be like wtfudge and she'd look silly for believing my lie so I had to be truthful and tell her, but not tell her who 'he' actually is, but tell her that 'he' is definately not him. Haha ah she's cute when she thinks she's gotten onto something. She gets that air of valiant victory and anything you say will not take away her moment of triumph. How do you not find that cute, its like a toddler comin to you after learnin to tie their shoelace and you can see that they've only just tied a knot but they're so proud of their mangled laces that you just smile and go along with it.

So yes babe, Ben has magically learnt to work a computer and has become a fantastic scribe and is the author of my favourite blog even though the words I like the most are the ones I say myself?...