Race Day may not be able to do that but it can do this

Ok so its not race day per say its the day before but just what my mind needed.

Its not just about staying home to watch a full weekend of racing, its also about being alone with this mind. I enjoy spending time by myself sometimes, there's this place in my head where everyone knows me and im the headlining act, the drinks are free, the women are easy and the conversation is profound but at my level and my points are always right, they worship me here. I was speaking to James and i dono what she was buzzing off, probably kiddie crack or something but even tho im sure she was trying to tell me about some achievement of hers i couldn't help but not really get into thought about what she was saying, i was probably thinkin somethin completely different to what she was going on about but i realized a few things.

I want to understand my brain fully. I want to be able to control situations and circumstances to my liking. Bruce Wayne. Before he was even Batman he was a hero, "looked so handsome stood not dancing, drawing you in like you're boring to him" - Da Frame 2R. That song says it all really, the guy controls without having to make any form of effort at all, people dont even know he's Batman but still he oozes confidence. I want to be able to have an understanding of myself to the point where i am able to say "i anticipated that but really so what" i can do the anticipate part, many things dont shock me anymore when they happen but its the so what that im lacking, living with that decision and moulding it into my image and likeness.

I'll never quite know everything, my brain will work itself into a tizz thinking over things and trying to understand but I'll still lack the knowledge i seek.

Im gettin side tracked now the whole point of this post was to say that I've found my little world again, at one point i had one of those little cliche moments. I was listening to God's Bathroom by Atmosphere (its never failed to not speak to me, i know deep down my mind is exactly like that) sitting cross legged in the middle of my bed, oversized headphones on like in the movies and as i was taking in this song the little voices in my head all chimed at once, "welcome back, we've missed you"

Thats exactly what i need after this week and the week to come, now starts hell but thats ok, the voices in my head are with and not against me for once...