Look At Him Go, His Legs Like Black Smoke

My thinking behind last night's exchange was simple, put it out there that this isn't how two normal friends would be dealing with one another and then from there it would hopefully become evident where this was headed and that would be better for everyone, this way no one can say that it was never brought up and if things went pear shaped then we'd both be in the kak together.  We'd be in kak but we'd be in it together.  Simple right? No. When is it ever simple.

Last night was a gross escalation of finger pointing and hurt feelings that was never meant to be. I'll admit my approach was far from perfect but that's how it's always been, that's how I do me. I know I can come in at 200mph, in a giant fire ball screaming, "I'm here, where are the women" but that's just me, I'm senseless. I always am going to be more provocative and daring with you because that's what really gets things going. It often seems like we're sitting in a church, quietly and afraid to do something naughty just in case the either one of us thinks it's silly and gives a shunning but I don't care. I want you to make a snorting noise mid sermon. I want you to sing out of tune at the top of your lungs. I want you to drop your hat in the middle of the aisle and scurry along like a giant rat to get it because I like that in you. I like the sillinesa. I like the reaction. I like the ten tonne angry lady that sits inside your belly once a month and makes you hate me, I like all of that. And that's why I wanted to know if you're in this as much as I am.

Ok, I understand that you have so much more riding on your side. You have a whole life with someone and that's a big thing, something that can't readily be changed. But I also have a life on this side too.

Yes I may not have a string of suitors on call, contraty to all popular belief,  but that still doesn't mean my life is on hold. I could be out there finding the next best thing to make me happy and the main reason I'd settle with them is because they're there, willing and able. If that's all that I wanted then I'd be posted all over social media in tandem with my new lady friend,  no stress.  But that's not how I operate. I'm yet to deny myself something I want and all this here is yet to be something I don't, I'm just a little worried that it'll soon stop making sense to either one of us and we both would've missed the opportunities in our lives to find the happiniess staring right at us.

Invictus - William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
      Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
      I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
      Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
      Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
      How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
      I am the captain of my soul.
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How Grand It Must Be To Be Depressed.

Depressed people have it so easy. How grand is a life of giving up. Lying in your bed, tangled up in the coils of your duvet as the stranglehold of your despondency keeps you down. Your big, brown gown being the only thing that covers your shame. How nice it must be to drink your cup of hot water and lemon. Lying on your back, listening to The Healing by Bloc Party as you stare out the cracks of your shut curtains at the rain soaked windows. Oh, how grand it must be to be depressed.

The ones who have it tough, the ones who are dealt a raw card are the ones that have a smile on their face. The battle to hold onto the curve. The struggle to power a diaphragm fuelled on laughs. The changing of every situation to find the positives, that's what is hard. Silver linings aren't known for their eagerness to be found without a struggle. Positivity isn't famous for being made of solid gold. Happiness isn't invincible. I respect the sunshine children because they're the ones that face darkness the most.
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Silly Little Gripes

I hurt my ankle the other day. Way to do something silly and make myself less of a human. It annoys me the most when I hurt myself. Why? Why must I suddenly become an invalid. It makes no sense. I can walk on it and stuff, it feels fine to after a couple of days but I can't as yet do anything vigorous. I went through the city on Monday, longest afternoon of my life trying to hobble through with it threatening to seize up at any given moment. I've been chilling at home and now it only really hurts when I get up in the morning or if I forget and try move my foot in ways it shouldn't. I should be back to winning ways soon.

I need someone to explain something to me. What happened to strong women who weren't afraid of their own shadows? What happened to women who could stand up for themselves? Women who would never rely on anyone else? What happened to women that love themselves? It seems these days that the time of self sacrifice is upon them. I can point out up to 15 females in any given room that feel less than themselves unless they're holding onto a man's coat tails. That's not cool. Where does it say that you're only complete when you have someone by your side? Okay, being alone isn't for everyone, it can suck but what is it about being in a relationship that saps a person's brain from their head and shoves it deep up their asshole? I don't understand it at all and it isn't even girls only that are at fault. I've seen guys lose their heads like this too. What is it about the person you're with that makes you put up with their constant crap all the time. I don't believe that it's love that makes people put up with half the things they do. I think that love has long deserted a relationship once pain and anger become the mainstay emotions. If you can look at the person you're with and have to start justifying their behaviour, it's going downhill my friend. I've heard a million and one bitter tales of betrayal and silliness and every time I say, "Hey, that aint right" I'm greeted with, "I know, but..." Don't tell me your story if you're going to come back at me with justifications to make it sound like what's going on is ok. Why did you even bother to come to me then if you already have your mind set on carrying on with what's going on. I feel feathers. If you're not willing to do something about the situation you're in then please, don't waste the time of another person by dumping all of that on them.

I seem to only blog about my gripes these days. Haha I think I'm growing so old and bored with life these days that all I can do is complain. That's not true though. Msizi isn't full of complaints. If anything, I feel the better than I have in a long time. I have many a reason to smile, a thousand reasons to laugh and so many things that leave me silent in awe. There are so many good things I want to post about but I think those just need a little bit more time to simmer up to a boil first.
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There Was A Title Here Before

I've found myself a subject. A mouldable brain that I can jam my fingers into and shape into a form that I can look back and be proud of. I've happened upon the brain of Peener Meener.

Poor little lady. She'd been so lost musically for such a long time. I've only ever had one decent conversation with Pontso and that was when we debated the properties of One Direction, as musicians and as an image. She made such valid points that for that moment, that brief second, I actually thought she was half decent. For someone I speak to daily, you'd think by now we would've had a few real conversations but no, she's a stubborn mule. Anyway, after breaking through her tough, uneducated music center with the brilliance of Bloc Party, I got her to give Arctic Monkeys a listen and now she's sold on Alex Turner.

There's something you gotta understand about trying to show someone the way. Some people you can just point in the right direction and they'll take it up and not waiver. Some people need a bit of coaxing and then they'll be okay and then some need you to get so on their level that you end up having to scrub yourself three times as much in the shower because you've had to stoop so low in the muck and the mire. I've been dragged through the trenches with this character. On the surface you'd think Peen Meen is a simple character. Likes things that are shiny, has taste for things that many see none of and is a wannabe worldie. You could be forgiven for making these assumptions, I did the same thing but nope, this here sack of beans is strung up tighter than a witch to a stake. Did you know the only reason she's listened to Arctic Monkeys is because she things Alex Turner is a pretty man? Alex Turner is the coolest person on two legs right now, I'll be the first to admit that but I thought he was cool before he got the impressive haircut and swagger. I thought he was cool because he made epic music. Sally over there only listened to his music presumably after finding pictures of him smoking a cigarette and having her ovaries clench themselves in awe. I'm not complaining though, at least she's listening to something worthwhile.

I think in maybe a decade, Genghis Khan over there will be listening to more music that'll make her more endearing to me and we could one day become friends. I have half a mind to try find something about White Lies that makes them more appealing to her just because I think they're so very underrated and Big TV has some of the greatest songs of the year. All in due time.
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French Exit - Bloc Party. (My Effort At Fixing A Butchery)

I don't know who posted lyrics to French Exit by Bloc Party on the internet but I'm pretty sure they're someone who's never heard the song before. How can you honestly listen to the song and then pick out the most incoherent string of words that sound like nothing Kele is saying? It grinds my gears that someone could butcher one of the most powerful Bloc Party songs - in my opinion. I don't know all the lyrics and I'm not saying I'm perfect but I think my effort will be a damn sight better than what's up.

Let's get it straight I'm not good with goodbyes

But it was getting kind of dry, I better leave, I better bounce

(I'm not sure about that part.)

Got one foot out the door and the other inside

We were running out of money so you aint got nothing for me

I wish I could say that at least we had fun

Thanks for the memories but we know there were none

Matter fact, I was kinda hoping you would pick up the bill

Don't get it twisted, see this is how we living

Get that statement 

Then get even.

Use them all up

Leave them bleeding.

Don't give up while they're still breathing.

Get that statement

Then get even.

Let's get real, who's really to blame

We're slipping through it once, never ever again.

Is it really so bad if this is the end

I  was never gonna care, you were never gonna change.

So dance on your heart and on top of the game

Don't stop when they're down, we entered to play.

You see I got a plan without (I don't know what he says after that)

We wont be done, I'm looking out for number one.

Get that statement 

Then get even.

Use them all up

Leave them bleeding.

Don't give up while they're still breathing.

Get that statement

Then get even.

That's just my attempt at it. It's not 100% or anything but it's a million times better than anything you'll find right now. I just wish Bloc Party would release the real thing.

Corrupted

I told you I hated them corrupted.
I told you their black lungs could never release the words that I hold dear.
I told you their dark red lips would only sing songs that lead to ruin.
I told you I hated them corrupted.

I love them corrupted.
I love the masked pain that sits only evident in their eyes.
The glint of bereavement, quaint and curious.
I love their measured laughs at displeasure.
I love the nonchalance that clings to them like a shadow, always calling you to their side.


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I Used To Let Frizz Rule My Life.

I read your post. There was no way I wouldn't. If something has any kind of minute link to me, it often ends up as an open tab in front of my screen. It was powerful.

Last night was strange, that wasn't me. I don't know what it was. There is no way that those words would've left a sober mind. I think it was a build up of frustration. Not at you, I could never be frustrated with you, I was frustrated with me. It drives me up the wall that you're so near and I can't do anything about it. I want my cake and I want to eat it too. I've never been one to deprive myself of anything that I want and the fact of the matter is, I want you. I'm not gonna beat around the bush, or throw you into one again. You came as a breath of the freshest air to ever hit my lungs. You know when you come home after a rough day, nothing as gone right, your best friend exploded, someone ate your lunch bagel and your ex just told you they used your credit card information to buy your soul but as soon as you get in the house, you smell that sweet goodness of your favourite meal and it puts a smile on your face? That's you. That it you in your entirety.

I wont lie and say I didn't think of quitting. What sense does it make to be into someone who has a whole life completely outside of you? I don't think I've ever sat myself down like this and told myself to keep away. Usually I'd have bound in like a fatty at a buffet, all the eats you can muster and you don't have to worry about cleaning up because someone else will. I could never do that to you. I'd hate myself for ruining something you hold dear, even though I think it's shit, because you're the one that cares about it then that kinda makes me do too. It's sick and twisted, right?

It's also not like what you've told me is new. I've always known. I've always known because it's exactly how I feel. I'd rather have you there as a mate than never have you around at all. It's not that you're not worth it, in all honesty, it's because you are. I wake up sometimes and think, "You know what, I'm so glad I sat next to that strange little girl on the couch that one time and forced her to invite me on BBM because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have this fuzzy weird feeling inside." It's weird because that feeling has been missing from me for a long time. Nigh on two years that this cold heart hasn't churned in such a way. I don't want us to happen now, I'm definitely not ready for that kind of responsibility. Being all the best I could be for you is something I take very seriously and I'm nowhere near even being half of that. Last night was my wimpish way of trying to jump ship so we both never have to ever possibly face all the things that could go wrong but right now, I hate myself for putting that out there because we could've easily missed all the things that could go so very right. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that.

Never ever second guess the way I feel about you. In our strange ups and downs, that stays the same. Haha I also blame you for my current dry spell. I can't even bother to find another interesting or worth a go because in the back of my mind they don't compare to you. I have a few girls that would like your head because of the way I acted after it clicked that they weren't anything like the ultimate Shitlord.

Nonsensical Drivel.

I can often go on rants about strange things. I don't know how my mind works sometimes but it can just take me from one point, through a labyrinth of diskonkered thoughts and deposit me a million miles from where I started. This is always seen in my nightly tweets.

I function the best from 9pm to 4am, that's when Msizi time is engaged. Ask anyone and they'll tell you that it isn't often that I'm the first one asleep. I can run off steam all day and still have energy to go at something like I've been fuelled on diced lions. I don't know why that is. I think I was meant to live on the other side of the globe.

My most favourite thing to do in these eye shut hours, when everyone has turned in and my mind is on full alert, is to tweet. People often wonder how the hell I get so many tweets in and I've wondered too but I see now that it's because I'm nocturnal. Listening to music and tweeting goes hand in hand. I don't know why but sometimes I literally think I know something about music and then the tweet barrage begins. Obviously they're my views and I don't care if anyone agrees, I actually think no one takes it seriously and with that I'm not bothered but I still put it out there. I'll do you a whole album and character break down of basically any artist that takes the fancy of my ear at the moment. It's like a song by song commentary. I clearly don't value people's timelines because I'm always so willing to take them up with my nonsense but I'm not too bothered. If I can do at least one good deed, I hope it's in the form of musical education.

@MsiziSithole is where all the madness happens, I'd like to see if anyone follows me off of reading this post, don't be shy, tell me and I'll definitely follow back. Because obviously you've suffered enough having to read my blog and then being brave enough to go through my twitter drivel.
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I'm Proud.

You know, these days so many things have been pissing me off hey. I don't know why. But things these days have really been touching home. I'm not a person who usually takes things to heart either. I'm the most chilled character there is out there. Find someone who can laugh something off, like duck off a water's back, or water off a duck's back and you've found me. Just that these days, something has been up.

But sommit great happened tonight. I was speaking to Celeste - I've mentioned her before, she was the one with Calvin - and she told me they'd split. Pity right? I had some faith in them but anyway, we're talking and she goes and drops bombs on my head. Complete life ending A-Bombs that went and mutated my thoughts on her completely, but all in a good way. She spoke of how even though it wasn't the greatest having it end, she thought it was good that she had the time to find herself again. Like, whoa. Here I am going on about how people don't bother to do that anymore, almost beginning to believe that I'm wrong in my thinking and here comes someone who just came out of a relationship and she says what I've been saying. I did a mental slow clap for the child and I do a mental slow clap for anyone else that appreciates what they have inside of them, you know?

People I know that it's hard. Trust me I know what it's like, I'm not out here calling people names or anything and have never bothered to try it and I also know what it's like to jump straight into something after being involved with someone else, it's not worth it. I'm not an age old wise owl for nothing, I've earned my feathers. I've seen so many people come pip and if they'd just bothered to be true to themselves, it would've been so different.
I also know that it's easy to dismiss what I say. Most of you will read this and think, "It doesn't apply to me, I'm different/my situation is different" but more often than not, that's not the case. I learnt to stop kidding myself and it was good for me. I'm glad to say that I'm proud of Celeste and anyone else for that matter in that situation.
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I Wanna Be Yours - John Cooper Clarke.

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your raincoat
for those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
when you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
take me with you anywhere
I don't care
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
you'll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
that's how deep is my devotion
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007 Has Nothing On Me.

I've often wondered what my calling is in life. I wake up in the morning, go through the motions of a normal day and kind of hope my destiny will pop its elusive head around my door and be like, "Hey Msizi, heard you were looking for me." Well, tonight it came at me.

All I wanted to do with my late night was play GTA and bump 808s and Heartbreak till I got into a fatigue coma. As I plugged in the Playstation, all hell broke loose. The plug made a fizzling noise, there were sparks and then there was silence. All through the house. Anything that was even remotely plugged in has croaked. I tried to push this and pull that but nothing was happening. I've single handedly put us back into the dark ages. I've come to realise that I'm actually an appliance assassin. I once went to The Face's house to study. All was well, we made lunch and because I have such a huge affinity for toast, I figured I'd go and make some. Big mistake. For some odd reason, I was able to frizz up the toaster by simply pulling the plunger. How does a human being kill a toaster that worked perfectly not so long ago, by just doing what they're meant to with it. I've also been able to break our DSTV decoder about 3 times now and 2 computers have seen their death at my hands. I don't understand it at all.

With all of this, I've come to the conclusion that my destiny is to go around killing appliances. I'd make the greatest partner to an electrician. All they'd have to do is send me through a neighbourhood, breaking things all over and I'd be like, "Oh, sorry about that but I do know this excellent electrician" and bam, business floods in. Even in my darkest times I manage to find a positive. I know someone with a basic knowledge of electricity will be able to make a joke out of that last sentence, I'm just gonna go bump 808s and Heartbreak and cry about my dead electronics.
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Don't You Ever

Don't you ever go to bed without a smile on your face.
Don't you ever wake up feeling unsure about yourself.
Don't you ever question the way that I feel.
You're not even mine and yet I fear losing you more than I care to admit.
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Serial Daters Disgust Me.

These past couple of days I've been in deep thought. I finally hit the year mark of being single, a big deal to me because I was in a relationship for so long that it just became a blur of time and effort, one that eventually was just too taxing on me. After a good year back in the game, I've come to learn a lot.

There are two types of people out there in this world of romantic notions and feels. There are those that take what they're doing seriously. They bother to take the time to experience something with someone, building it over time and making a success of it. Then there are the characters who just mash through the motions, going in blindly just because they want momentary fulfillment that won't leave any lasting impression on them. When it comes to relationships, I like to think I'm the first one. I like for something to count. It takes me a while to warm up to someone in that way and once I have, it becomes hard to break that. I don't like for things to not have a meaning. When it comes to casual liaisons, I'm not going to fall in love with you or anything. If we're hooking up, once or twice, I'm not gonna catch feels. It's not often where I've looked back over the last year and thought I genuinely liked someone enough to try pursue something more serious with them. Of course there have been some, but it isn't often.

What really grinds my gears though these days are Serial Daters. We all know the type. People who will hop from one relationship to another, almost weekly with the kind of time gap in between each one that would have trouble separating molecules. These kinds of people honestly just rub me up the wrong way. Lately I've been noticing a trend of these weekend daters that come up, be all into the relationship vibe with someone and next thing you know they're off with someone else. Siff. I don't know if it's because I've had to deal with people like that in my life or if it's just because I think it's actually not a bad thing to care about yourself but I really take that kind of thing personally. You really have a tough time treating yourself well. I've come to find myself since I became single. I had a good, clean break into the wild and came back a man with an insatiable love and appreciation for what he has. I found strength in me, something no one else could ever give you so when I see people that jump from here to there, I feel sorry for them. To me, I think it's a weakness. How can you say you love this person and then go love that person a few days later? That's not true. You're just playing with people's emotions. One person in that union is going to take that thing seriously and they're gonna have their feelings hurt because they believed what you told them, holding onto your false words till they hurt like a burning candle. If you're gonna do that, rather just stay single, honestly. If you're gonna mess people over, at least give them the decency of No Strings Attached.

Serial Daters are no better than people who go out hooking up with different people every week. They like to hide behind the fact that they're in a "Committed Relationship" so it's different. It's not though. No one is fooled. I'm sorry but no one buys into all that once we've seen you giving 5 minutes to just about everyone. You're just like the rest of us, only what you're doing is more acceptable to be put up onto social networks. I was on Facebook just now and I came across at least 6 examples. People whose actions just really grinded my gears. Just last month you posted up pictures with your boyfriend and now you have a new one and he's up there too. Are we now meant to forget that the other thing happened? Do we skip the folder completely? You were with this girl for a long time and then all of a beeswax it ended and started up again almost every fortnight but we're meant to forget all that because she's not the current header on your profile? Please. Why can't we just find some chill?

I wish I knew what the thinking behind all of that was though. Like, what makes someone do things like that? Is it fear, a large ego, a need to belong, insecurities? What is it? I personally think that it is a form of weakness. Not being comfortable enough with yourself for you to be able to stand on your own two feet, not being able to appreciate yourself. Learn to love yourself without having to seek the affirmation of others. I'm not saying become an arrogant dick or anything, I'm just saying that these days, so many people feel like they have to be liked so much that they'll end up losing themselves just to get a nod in their direction. How does that make you feel at the end of the day? I've genuinely only liked two people and just that in itself was so taxing on me, I can't even begin to imagine how you feel after a string of lesser paramores. I think the most attractive quality a woman can have is self assurance. I love someone who as confidence in themselves. I made the mistake of letting one such woman slip through my hands because I was too busy chasing a fantasy about a bygone love that was never going to make the cut after that and I kick myself on the side of the head every day because of it.

I'm not going to dwell on that, it's over now but I just think that a lot of people these days actually need to stop and think about what kind of image they're putting out there, especially when it comes to relationships and things like that. I feel nothing for someone who has a broken heart more than three times in six months, if anything, you deserve it. I know I'll probably strike a nerve somewhere, I'm bound to, and if I have, please feel free to explain to me just how all of this works. Maybe I have it wrong. Maybe it's all about that way of life now, I could be very outdated. Fill me in, let's hear it but until then, I'll just carry on thinking you're a bunch of idiots.

Lies for Neener.

Usually, when I write a post about someone, they tend to turn into a flop. Okay, I won't say a flop, some of you are some truly epic ones that have just gone from strength to strength and I love you for that so really I feel nothing as I write this post about Neener Neener.

Pontso Mpho Mosala, the queen of flops and all things that accompany them. She's one of the few people I can genuinely feel such anger at. I don't get angry often, in fact there are people that will tell you that they've never even felt a whiff of anti energy coming from me. It's true,I dislike those negative feels, they don't ever do anyone any good but thanks to Ponini, I've had a daily dose of negative emotion for quite a while now. The story goes that she was taken in by my devilish good looks and amazing wit on Twitter and I honestly don't blame her. Point out a girl that says they can withstand that combo and i will show you a liar. I've heard she's brought me up in conversation quite a few times too which doesn't surprise me, so much so that people have banned me as any form of a topic. Sweet isn't it. Her infatuation with me is really flattering. It sucks that she can basically pull all my teeth out at a single go. Sometimes I speak to her and say a little prayer for her, it can't be human for a person to be like that, right?

It's not all bad though. When it's all said and done, I value the Neens. She's the first person I've ever actually given a nickname to that I was 100% proud of. She hates it so that makes it even better. You know when you come across someone in your journeys that makes a lot of sense but in a screwed up way? That's the Neens. She's a good person, deep down. I'm yet to meet a person who can take as much verbal abuse from me and not take it to heart. If I could meet a girl who was okay with being called a distended bowel for getting something wrong and counters with something of a similar vein, I'd marry her. In fact, I'd love to clone her and marry the clone. That's as best a compliment as I can give to another human being. I wouldn't marry Neen though, just to spite her, because she deserves that. Sibson once said that her and I would date, I laughed but now I don't know. If they get the cloning of humans right then I would definitely get it on with Version 2.0. Obviously I'd make some fundamental changes but the general package would stay the same.

I think those are enough lies now.
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Blue Is The Colour.

Let's address Robyn "Da Bobbin' Pin" Cairns here. I just came across her tweet about not finding anything interesting in soccer and to be honest I don't blame her.

I used to think soccer was a dull and dreary sport. I played it in primary school because it was compulsory for us to play at least one sport a term and all my friends were doing it so I decided to join in. My gigantic frame wasn't quite built for it and to this day i still have the co-ordination of a cow falling down a staircase when it comes to playing. I honestly didn't see what was so great about it. It's not like our National team is any good. The last time I heard of them doing anything worthwhile was when we won Afcon in '96 and I was still quite very young then. I just remember my dad making a fuss over something or other and I was off playing in my ever vivid imagination. It was just another thing that people passed the time with. What's so great about watching 22 men run around after a ball? They kick it around and no one ever scores and it's just a waste of time. A game is a whole 90 minutes!? In that time, you can chug through a good few chapters in a book, drink close to 7 beers, you can try, fail and try again with a lovely lady. It's even worse when they play extra time. Didn't you guys have enough time to flounder around the field, why do you need more? Why you gotta do me like this? That's and extra half an hour on top of that lifetime you've just wasted and then when you idiots fail to get anything past a man in a bright coloured jersey and oven mitts, you're gonna go and do a penalty shootout. WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST START OFF WITH THAT AND SPARE US ALL?!!! Logic, right?

That's how I thought for many years. No matter how much I tried to give it a chance, I just couldn't. That was until 2010 happened. We all know that June 11th, 2010 to July 11th will forever be the be all and end all of that year. That was when South Africa (us homies) hosted the World Cup. Going into it I was like ah you know, so what. It's a big deal and what not but it's for the economy, not for me. I wasn't too phased. When the opening match came along - the one where Tshabalala scored a cracker of a goal that put him on the map - I was more concerned about the case of beers we had and the pink bra I sneakily had a close up with around the corner. We scored the opener and we drank and then everything is a fuzzy memory after that but it was nice. It was festive. I then went on to watch a few games. We'd just gotten a new TV and that thing was as clear as poes, still is. I happened across a chap named Didier Drogba. Now that's not such a big deal. He's just another African player hoping to get his rocks off at trying to win the tournament and fail just like the rest of them. He plays for the Ivory Coast, the best team in Africa at the moment. He's a big man, he has a hand, he looks right. What drew me to him though was that he was playing with a cast on. He'd broken his arm somewhere along the way leading up to this and instead of sitting out of the tournament, he was on the field being a nuisance to the opposition defence. I thought that was pretty bad ass. Here's this chap, leading his team from the front and he's basically an invalid. I asked Ben about him - Ben's been up soccer's arse since he could walk, basically - and he told me that Drogba played club football with Chelsea. I didn't know what a Chelsea was. The only knowledge I had of anything remotely Chelsea was that they had some tasty buns. I went on to find out that they were a London club - I like me some London - and that they had recently won a few trophies with a charismatic Portuguese man as their coach. We went on to go through the month of 2010 and once it was over, I was quite interested. I started watching Chelsea play that season.

And now I'm here. Tweeting about every single goal they score, making remarks about the weird things they do and being an all out dick to Ben because he supports Arsenal - one of Chelsea's London rivals. I think I'm involved in football talk about 57% of the week now, which is a big thing. I watch a game about close to 4 times a week and I watch Premier League talk shows every day. I start my day off with Sky Sports News because it has the hottest female anchors talking to me about Chelsea. I watch as many Chelsea games as I possibly can, often opting to not go anywhere that day just so I don't miss it. I don't know how it escalated to this point. I mean all I did was see a man with a green cast on and then all of a sudden I'm singing Blue Is The Colour around the house after a win. I'm not the biggest, most knowledgeable soccerman, I leave that for the professionals like Ben and Mattian but I do know as much as I can about my team. See for me, it was never about supporting a team. I started watching because I saw a man I admired and followed him to his work place. Drogba is probably the biggest African hero. In fact, he's one of the biggest in the world.
Everyone knows what a great person he was on the field, leading Chelsea and his country to many memorable victories but he's also made a name for himself off of it too. He's invested over 2.5 Billion dollars in humanitarian money, which is a kakload if you consider that we still struggle to donate 5 bucks to hobos. He's built a hospital for the sick. He built schools and he even stopped a civil war. That's a big deal. For me, it was never about finding a team so I could be part of the social club of claiming to be a sportsball watcher, I just liked what I saw at Chelsea. They were lethal, did what they had to do and had a hero up front.

Once you find a club that appeals to you, it is impossible to not be drawn in. It's like falling in love. In fact, that's what it is. You cry during the triumphs and you cry during the defeats. It's an emotional rollercoaster ride that will take you far and wide in the space of 90 minutes. I go through a series of emotions during a game. I get mad bleak when they score against us and the next minute I'm doing burpies from excitement and elation after we score. I have done actual burpies after a goal. It's just something I can't seem to do much justice t with these words. Think of the one thing that you truly love, how it makes you feel at any given moment. How you feel when you're with it or when you're doing it or when you're eating it. For many people, that's what watching their team is like. It's a weird thing to think about, I'm a little like "what?" right now as I write this but that's what it is. Something you can't perfectly understand until you're deep within it. I tell people all the time, don't try just jump into soccer and say that's who you'll now support just because they're on. Find something to relate to. Find a common ground. Identify with something or someone on that pitch and that will never ever steer you wrong.

I hope this has shed some light for you there Bobbhino because it just made me all the more happier to be a Chelsea man.
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I Have A Crush.

Yesterday afternoon, I went down to Durban to meet up with my dad at his offices. He wasn't in, he was down in the South Coast and so I had to wait for him to get back up. This was a little bit of an issue because the offices were closed and so I had a few hours to kill and absolutely no capital to expend.

I decided that the best thing for me to do was just walk around. I often go on about how great I think the city is, I know it's not the safest or even the most visually alluring place but I've always enjoyed going around it. My dad's offices are just down the road from City Hall, which I think is the most beautiful building in the whole city and it also has the triple whammy of housing the library and the Natural Science Museum. I'm in love with that building, let me get that out of the way early on. It's a little weird, I know, but that to me is one of the most spectacular sights we have in our city. Just being around it makes me feel so much happier.

I decided to kill time in the library. The last time I went to the library, in 2009 or so, I got mugged outside the library steps so going back was a little bit ugh but I figured that I'm no longer that little kid and if anyone so much as tried with me, I'd probably just have to kill them and bury their body underneath a hawkers table or something.

It felt great to be in there. I think the library is one place where time seems to never ever set foot. The biggest nod to technology they have their are the computers that students were using for their various projects. I saw this little homie, probably in grade 4 doing his project with all his little books out and next to him was a university student going HAM on some paper. The place was full of students going at it and I felt good inside, you know. It felt good to see that there are still quite a few people taking their schooling seriously. Often we see, and mistakenly, glorify the wasters and the slackers. Everywhere you look these days people are up to their eye-teeth in procrastination. I'm no different. I have a few good hours of work I need to do but here I am lying on my bed, typing out this post and criticizing my fellow wasters. Okay, I'm not that much of a waster, I do my fair share of necessary work but still. Anyway, I spent a good half hour trying to find a good read, coming across so many and then having the difficult task of trying to pick one. Did I want to read up on Hemmingway, see what was up with Mussolini. Did I want to go deep into the glits of Bowie or just really get stuck into some twisted thinking with Freud. Eventually I settled on something lighter but closer to home with Lewis Hamilton's autobiography. Being in that library just felt good, regardless of if I was reading or not.

Today though, today was special. I met up with my dad in Pinetown, we went through to Hillcrest and then back down to his office. He had a meeting and it was pointless going home and then comung back so we decided to chill around the city center and mill around. We went in search of lunch and had the most greasiest Mc Donald's burgers known to man. I'm willing to bet that Mc Donald's on West Street is the main reason why so many fat people hobble around town. Okay, I wont say it's the main reason. KFC probably is. There are more KFCs in town than there are Indians in KZN. Mc Donald's is just trying to muscle in on this fat making business so I guess now that I think of it, I get why their food is double fried in oil and butter. After that over indulgence in fat, we went off to City Hall. I don't know what it is about that building but it just does things to me. I can never go past it without gawking and drooling. I don't know who designed it - I'm gonna find out soon - but I hope they were given a key to the city and a house in every posh suburb in the land. It stands out in the mix of everyday dreary buildings. It's a regal looking thing. You can see the years in it and that gives you a sense of genuine appreciation. I'm a sucker for a nice looking structure and one there is by far the best.

We went to the museum, the one place I've been meaning to check out and it honestly didn't disappoint. The last time I went there was on a school outing so many, many years ago. It was cool then and about a hundred times better this time. When you're a lightie, everything is new and exciting. Your eyes go big and you marvel at the scary animals on display and get excited by it all and then finish it off by forgetting everything in a sugar induced coma. For me this time, it was exactly the same, bar the coma. I had to play it cool though because my dad was there. I didn't wanna be seen running around like this group of school kids we found in there but I swear if he wasn't there, I'd have been knee deep in the thick of things. I got to really appreciate it though. That place has been there forever. I remember I went there when we came down to Durban on holiday from Joburg. There's the big elephant head on the wall as you climb up the stairs and my dad was carrying me and like shoved me at it and I freaked my life out. It seemed real and I often thought it was. The fact that the municipality has keep it going, devoid of public funding in the form of ticket take-ins or anything is something to marvel at. I don't know if they've put in that many new displays, I couldn't quite remember so far back but for it to still be standing is something.

I know the museum isn't the coolest place for people, it probably isn't the coolest place I've ever been to. It seems an odd day out and a bit geeky but for this 20 year old kid right here, it was nirvana. There are a lot more places I wanna visit again in the city. I'm a little ashamed I've been sleeping on these true gems but if there's anything I have a lot of right now, it's time and the need to explore.

Neener Neener's Actual Post.

Pontso Mosala, am I right? Gugeloregy!

Calvin and Celeste.

I was doing some work today, sat down, really hammering up my work. I looked up and Celeste and Calvin were suddenly there. Calvin was trying to will the computer to do his bidding, vaguely succeeding and Celeste was sat on his lap. That's not a strange sight, we've all gotten used to it. They were a bit of a surprise match up. Celeste being the clean cut image girl and Calvin, the grunge kid. No one saw it coming but when it did, we all just kinda stood back and nodded approvingly, well I did. For a common occurence, why would it have any value. Why would I bother posting about that? Well, it got me thinking...

The Face and I have recently called time on us. Essentially we were together, not dating, but with an option to extend contract down the line. For me, that was perfect. I'm still deep in the swing of Singledom. I've got so many things happening in my world at the moment (so does she) and a relationship would just add so much more belly stress. We have a history so us being together wasn't anything new, we dated a few years back. There was a bit of a mash up of things when we were coming to us being together this time around. There were other characters involved, we hooked up, it was a bit like something you'd see in a romcom, mda cheesy.

We had our cute moments. I can't think of when I had so many surprise influxes of affection before. No one made me so soft in the core with such minimal effort in such a small space of time. She is something special in my eyes. It's as if my eyes were being opened to this emotion thing for the first time, it was something hectic. It was something geared up to be quite special. When I saw Celeste and Calvin, it made me think of it all again. Here they were, seemingly different and making things work and I couldn't forge anything out with someone almost exactly like me.

That being said though, we did have our moments. We're two head strong characters who shoot from the hip. We're open but also quite guarded at the same time. It's like two tigers. Tigers are solitary animals, only coming together to mate and then after that it's warfare. When we fought it was almost like that. One if us is gonna try get an upperhand somehow and letting go of that is something that'll never happen, not even if the world crumbled and was swallowed up by Jupiter. Even in it's crappiest moments, it was fun.

I've come to the conclusion that I must be jaded. I don't know what's up with me but these days I have a knack for messing things up. My flight or fight gauge seems to be set on flight. I've used up so much fight that now I'm just like, "Eh, whatever happens, happens". That isn't ideal for anyone trying to get involved with me. It makes me a volatile creature and no one wants that when they're trying to get a little bit of normality in this crazy world. The thing I like most about her is that she's set in stone. There are no surprises. If something is meant to go this way, then it'll go this way. There's no veering off, there's no unpredictability. That's not me. I fly by the seat of my pants. We'll do this now and reflect on the moment later, no matter what may come of it. I've always been someone who thinks in their own messed up way and that sometimes doesn't translate well with the norm. Admittedly, she is exactly what I need, focus. A good tight backhand that slaps me back into shape when I start to fly skew. Obviously right now we haven't had time to really gel and I think that's what made us come to this. In time, it would've worked out perfectly. I feel like if it was given the time, more effort from both parties (I know I need to pull my socks up) things would've gone differently. We were forced into a decision and so this is it. I just couldn't help but think, what if we were like Calvin and Celeste?

Thursday Drains.

This has been one of those days where I'd just like to set a small piece of it on fire and watch it catch alight and burn down with the rest of the bitter hours it brought along.

Okay, that's a bit much, today wasn't that bad. It started off very early, as my days tend to do and I was running late before I even had a chance to switch the TV on for some Sky Sports News. You know how some people have a ritual every day? Some wake up to the same breakfast or have gotten out of bed the same way for the last 50 years? Well, I like to watch SSN. It has the perfect mix of beautiful women and sports that just gets my mind cogs swirling and my day going. This morning though, I missed it, every time. I'd put the channel on, adverts. Walk off to make breakfast, hear it's on and when I come back, adverts. Sneeze, adverts. Cough, adverts. Blink, adverts. You get my drift. It just wasn't working.

By 7:15 I was basically late and then half way to Hillcrest I realised that I'd left all my work behind on my desk and I'd also left my towel behind so gym afterwards was looking doubtful. I get there and thankfully I was herded into the little room where Travis likes to take his women for mating purposes. Him and Sibson were in there, I won't ask as to what they were doing but it was a good place to do some work. The biggest turn around though for me had to be Brissie. Well done Angry Isabella Merchant, you made a normally dour experience into an entertaining one.

By 12 I was feeling beat as poes and by the time 2 o'clock came and I was giving my change to a man who needed money to get home after I'd bought a new towel, the last thing I wanted to do was work out. Today was by far one of the better sessions. I walked out of there feeling dehydrated and siff as ever but refreshed on another level. It's like I was dragged behind a Jeep for hours and then dumped into a cooling spring as my reward. So I mean it stands to reason then that I should be asleep by now. I should be kieshed out like a light, I feel it creeping and it's gonna be a big sleep tonight. This is the first time I've felt properly drained since my shoddy attempts at being Ashley Cole on Sunday. It's also the first time I've been able to walk properly since we played that game. And then end this blog post however you want, I'm tired now.

Some Bitching For Neener.

I haven't posted in a while, I don't even know if this will go through. i've forgotten what my posting address is, it went out along with my old phone.

I got a new phone the other day. It's a nice, not so little Nokia E7. It does everything I ask it too and more. My old Berry treated me well. She was a wizard. From day one till the day I called time on her, she didn't miss a beat. She still functions, my mom has taken over her and seems quite happy. My biggest issue right now, the one bug bear in this reignited romance between Nokia and I has to be the fact that I get free minutes. I get free Cell C to Cell C minutes. I have 4 hours or so of them because of my data purchases. This is great. I can speak to people for years and years because I'll always need to buy data and so there is an unending supply of talk time. I'm sure you're wondering why this is an issue. No one ever looks a gift horse in the mouth right, and this is a great gift. My biggest problem is that I don't know anyone on Cell C..

What am I meant to do with all of this? It's like being given a Ferrari, keys, pink slips, petrol and everything but you're in the middle of the Kruger. Right now my phone balance is looking at me square in the face and burning a hole in me. Why aren't more people Cell C inclined like I am? I don't even know how to tell if they are or not anymore because I have one of the old 084 numbers and the new flock of kids have some other code. If you're on Cell C, hit me up. I may not have anything to say but at least I'll be making use of this rubbish.

Answer Me This.

What makes a bad boy? What do you have to possess so that people will look at you and be like, "Whoa, steer clear of this sack of hectic because he's a bad boy and he'll break you in half child!" I once got told I was a bad boy and I still laugh about it to this day. The other day it came up and it left me in two minds. On the one hand I was quite amped that someone would think that I could be seen as a bit of a danger, but on the other hand I was a little offended because in my heart of hearts, I really am as soft and genuine as they come.

If you go through this blog, I think everything here kind of points to the fact that I'm made up of only marshmallows and unending rivers of irrational feels. If there was ever someone who doesn't really fit the bad boy moniker, I think it would be me. Some may argue that I can be a bit abrasive and lately I haven't been the most outspoken when it comes to endearments and stuff and that's where they draw it from. Some people think that if you're not posting a love lyric every 6 to 7 hours on your social media fronts then you're a heartless wretch and should stay well away from their heart parlours.

"Yeah but Msizi you never date girls, you just kind of have a thing with them and then you move on. You have no feeling." - I think I missed the moment where it became compulsory to date every single person you thought was good looking or intriguing. If I could, then trust me I would. I would date every single girl out there that has left me in awe. I'd love the kak out of them and make them feel as great as they made me feel. If I could, I would be in love every single waking moment but alas, this is the real world and things like that don't happen. The kind of people you see that are constantly with someone and claiming to love every single one of them are the kind of people I'm pretty certain have a mental issue. There is no possible way that you can believe that every single person you fancy, you'll love, and if you say you do then I'm afraid that you're one shallow ass person and that makes you way worse than anything you could call me. I've only ever loved once, t'was brief and sweet and in that moment I knew that there was no possible way that I was experiencing the same thing that someone with several priors before, was. What I had was well better and more genuine than whatever rubbish they were peddling out.

I'd love to be a bad boy though. I'd love to be like the character in Catapult by Arctic Monkeys. I'd love to split the mist with only a whisper, to turn her legs to jelly and leave her with only questions the next morning. It would give my ego a gigantic boost. I guess it all starts off with building a reputation and it seems that I've got a bit of one going, I'm just wondering if I could ever live up to it.

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"The Trip And Tumble Up The Mountain: The Journey To Nirvana."

In the haste and confusion of life, it helps to sit back and clear our minds of all debtors. Only then shall we find peace within. When the world owes us nothing, we have the canvas to create something.
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You're a new perspective. An open letter written from a new set of emotions.
Your lips are scarlet thread. Your mouth is lovely. You're a vision from the past, here to build the future. I'm falling for you, and how great that is.
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Wolf Like Me - Tv On The Radio

Say say my playmate
wont you lay hands on me
mirror my malady
transfer my tragedy

Got a curse I cannot lift
shines when the sunset shifts
when the moon is round and full
gotta bust that box gotta gut that fish

My mind's aflame

We could jet in a stolen car
but I bet we wouldn't get too far
before the transformation takes
and bloodlust tanks and
crave gets slaked

My mind has changed
my body's frame but god I like it
my hearts aflame
my body's strained but god I like it

My mind has changed
my body's frame but god I like it
my hearts aflame
my body's strained but god I like it

Charge me your day rate
ill turn you out in kind
when the moon is round and full
gonna teach you tricks that'll blow your
mongrel mind
baby doll I recognize
you're a hideous thing inside
if ever there were a lucky kind it's
you you you you

I know its strange another way to get to know you
you'll never know unless we go so let me show you
I know its strange another way to get to know you
we've got till noon here comes the moon
so let it show you
show you now

Dream me oh dreamer
down to the floor
open my hands and let them
weave onto yours

Feel me, completer
down to my core
open my heart and let it
bleed onto yours

Feeding on fever
down all fours
show you what all that
howl is for

Hey hey my playmate
let me lay waste to thee
burned down their hanging trees
it's hot here hot here hot here hot here

Got a curse we cannot lift
shines when the sunset shifts
there's a cure comes with a kiss
the bite that binds the gift that gives

now that we got gone for good
writhing under your riding hood
tell your gra'ma and your mama too
it's true
we're howling forever

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Ponini's Forced Post.

"The worst thing you can do is try get rid of your loneliness with someone else. Every person you're ever with that leaves you, will leave you with their own tailored form of heartbreak. No two break ups are ever the same and there is no standard way of dealing with it. That's the siff lesson I've come to learn."

You can't try fill the gap in your life that someone left with another body, it doesn't work like that. You're out there doing all you can to try and forget the times and erase the memories by trying to build something new with someone else but I can promise you that what you're doing now is the wrong way of dealing with things. There comes a time in our lives where we have to accept this truth and accept that we are powerless.

I can go and throw my double bed out and replace it with a single bed. When it comes down to it, both are beds. But there is a big difference between the two. Yes, they both may let me have a comfortable sleep but I'll always remember when I could roll around a few more times in the night and not have to worry about falling out onto the floor. It's very much the same with a break up. No two people in your life will ever be the same. No two people in your life will ever leave the same mark. We're different in how we look and different in how we impact the lives of others. Every person I know, that I've ever been with and I've ever had the pleasure of allowing into my life has left a footprint so vastly different to anyone else that if I ever even thought of going out to try find another like them, it would never work. This is why I think Someone Like You by Adele is one of the worst songs ever released onto us, as impressionable human beings.

Moving on in essence is quite like trying to find a replacement. It's something we have to do eventually, in time, and it is one of the most freeing things that can happen to the human soul. Being able to look back from a better place to where you once were before is something that we really should learn to not take for granted. I wrote this post not because I feel like I was going out in a bid to replace someone in my life. This isn't about a love lost or the need to find another to justify who I am. No, this is my lowbrow attempt at trying to understand how humans work. At the end of the day we are judged by those around us and when we're all alone, we feel as if we need to immerse ourselves in the worlds of others because if we're left for too long with our own devices, we may hate what our minds may have to say. I love my mind. We've been together for a long time now and I feel we'll be together for an even longer one to come.

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The Healing - Bloc Party

Calm down, let the world spin round
There ain't no other place to be
Take this lifeline
Skin tears
But the flesh will weave
Back together again
Only scars now
Go easy, just be
As life gets longer
Got all the time you need
Stay with me my dear
As life gets harder
Whatever strikes, you'll heal
You will heal
Breathe out, let it come around
Let your colours return
Turn a corner
Every time he barks
Just shut the devil out
Let these arms embrace
You know I'm down
You will heal
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100 000 Decibel Steve.

We live next door to the most loudest people this planet has ever harboured. My neighbours only speak at 100 000 decibels and I'm beginning to think that they only do it when they're at the point closest to my window.


There is this little girl, about 3 or 4 years old and she's been to my house because of some stupid reason or another and every time she comes over, I make it my duty to make her cry. I know this may sound harsh, an old man like me making a little child cry but I feel that I have every reason to. Any time they let her loose in the garden, the little siren will scream and squeal so loud and so menacingly that I've often woken up early in the morning to see if Armageddon isn't taking place. This girl is so loud that I preferred the chickens that the old lady used to have because at least I could kill those if they ever dared wander over the fence.


Then there's her dad. He's the kind of person that shouts down the phone as that'll help get his message across faster and further, in a bid to make the most use of his airtime. I've heard him speaking on the phone, from his kitchen, which is quite a bit away from my bedroom. If you're the kind of person who has a broken volume button then I really do think you should either go for some kind of counselling or you shouldn't be allowed to breed. I can't deal with loud people. Sometimes it is cool to be big, bold and loud but most of the time I swear speaking at room temperature will not harm your soul.
Next time I go past them, I'm going to discuss the weather with the person living on the other side of their house, whilst listening to the loudest trance music I can find..
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Swart Denim

At the moment I have 5 pairs of black skinnies. I'm 2 short of the perfect amount to have and I've decided to step up my jeans game.

Ever since I saw Francois Van Coke jumping around on stage in a pair black skinny jeans, I knew that's where I was headed. I don't think people quite understand my obsession with these things. I've worn a lot of strange clothes in my life. I went through a stage where I wore only what my mother picked out for me, as we all did as youngsters. Then i moved on to baggy clothing, as every boy has when they go through their gangster phase. Oversized clothes weren't my greatest move considering I was oversized at the time myself so it did me no favours at all. Then I started wearing whatever it is I could find that didn't make me look like so much of a hobo and now I've moved on to somewhere I don't even know.

What I love most about my favourite piece of clothing is that you can wear black skinnies with literally anything. I wear them with printed T's, button up shirts, with just a jacket or even on their ace. They fit into any social circle and they just look excellent in any kind of mirror. People are always like, what's the difference. Well it's simple. Every pair of jeans is never the same as another. Every single pair I have has different characteristics. All my jeans have character. My favourite pair has been with me the shortest amount of time but it's done so much in its time that I swear we've been friends since birth. I have a pair of jeans that I wear just for the sake of wanting to wear something slightly out of the ordinary. They're my biggest ones and haven't been worn in properly so they have a bit of a slim fit look to them and they work well on days where I just wanna mellow out. I have an old pair that I wear when I'm thugging it out. When the rest are in the wash and I feel a change is in need, I jam those homies.

With that said, this brings me to my ultimate biggest peeve. I cannot stand it when people put their feet on my pants. I don't care who you are, whether we've known each other since birth, we're dating or if you're the coolest person ever to walk the earth, you put your feet on me and I will bubble over. Why would you want to do that? It's happened to me so many times with girls. I don't know who it was that told them it was cute to put their dirty feet on a guy but let me tell you ladies, it isn't. There is nothing flirtatious about you leaving small marks on my pants. Those pants will be with me for much longer than you'll be and they'll be in a lot more memories so best you respect the black denims. I once was having a nice little chat up with this pretty young thing and all was going well till she thought she was in there enough to put her feet on me, she wasn't.

If I ever was in charge of setting a global trend, I'd like to think that it would be for wearing black skinnies. i can deny myself many things; food, drink, shirts, jackets but not a great pair of black skinnies.
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Ehh

Imagine being lost in your own world. Imagine being so deep inside the four walls of your mind that you literally could never escape on your own. Imagine if the only way of escape was through third party forces. When I think of this, I have an image of Indiana Jones or someone, running around a temple and being attacked by various things and setting off booby traps. Ah watch out, there's the spinning saw blade of work and over there is the quicksand of responsibilities. If you take a wrong turn in these corridors then you might just get shot with the poison darts of paying your mortgage. All these real world things attack our head space but there's always that thing that makes perfect sense to us and kind of shines the way out to us, shows us the way of escape and we can be free of that suffocating tomb even if for a few moments. Do you think that the things we love are the things that bring us out? You know how every person has that thing that they do that makes them feel at peace with the world and all its occupants. Whether it be playing sport, making music, doing art or even taking drugs. There are things we do that just make so much sense to us and I can't help thinking that what if those are the escapes we weave together for a brief moment for us to be out in the world.

I spoke to this music student a few nights ago. We sat for a good ten or so minutes in silence because neither one of us seemed to be so great at this small talk thing. I was sitting inside my head trying to find anything that I could throw out to fill in the silence and I'd like to imagine that that was what was going through his head too because of not, then I just worried over nothing and could've stayed my comfortable hermit self. We got onto the subject of music and for the next ten minutes or so, we both were out in the world, interacting free from the setbacks of real life. I could see that this was what brought this guy out of the tomb. He saw the shining lights of the exit door and was out here, telling me about what he found most passionate about. I think that it must be the same for athletes. They spend most of their waking hours training and getting themselves into the perfect condition for that moment where their mind state is at one with the surroundings of their body.

Off the top of my head, I'd say that the key to happiness is finding that thing that brings you out of your shell and then delving straight into it like your life depended on it. If you're into art, if that's what gets you hot under the collar and sets your blood racing faster than a hobo to a free food buffet, drown yourself in it. There's no real ending to this post, I feel like I've been way too positive and upbeat so now you guys can find your own ending.
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Montreal - Bloc Party (Saddest song in the whole world.)

The snow is still falling on St. Catherine
Losing the day time to faire le goûter
But Tommy keeps calling, says he wants his money
You´re messing with the big boys, don´t you know?
When are you coming back home? Asks Lucy,
I miss you

But then I tell her that it´s not my home anymore
And you made it perfectly clear

Don´t you get lonely, all up in your tower
Losing the night time to sit and to speak
Tommy keeps calling, says you better be here (wants his money)
You´re messing with the big boys, don´t you know?
When are you coming back home? Asks Lucy
I miss you

But then i tell her that it´s not my home anymore
And you made it perfectly clear

But Then i tell her It´s not my home anymore
and you made it perfectly clear
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Face Time

Face Time. That's that thing you do when you see your other half and do trivial activities that don't lead to any kind of advancement besides the emotional kind. Basically the stuff that most guys cringe at. Ol' Benbob said to me, "If it's gay, send me a message and I'll come get you quick fast." Luckily it wasn't too bad.

Face time usually involves doing shopping, having little lunch dates, hanging out with a group of friends and most importantly and rather annoyingly, meeting and socialising with the family. Ask any guy and they'll tell you right now that the first couple of meetings with people from her world are always the most awkward moments of life. I've heard some truly horrific stories ranging from having to spend most of the day trimming hedges with the man of the house to nearly being kicked out for absent mindedly making anti-semetic remarks. I don't think people actually realise how hard it is being a guy and having to meet the people she associates with. As a guy, you're the character that, at first, is always looked at as being the one to who's trying to steal the poor girl's innocence. You need to be both funny and charming and know everything about sports and what new colours are in next summer and whether on not oil on a 1985 model Ford should be changed every three months and how to create a perfect crab dinner. You have to come in there guns blazing with every kind of right answer and perfect gesture because one small slip up can lead to years of miserable hours forced down the line.

On Saturday I went to hang out with The Face in her little world. I was a little apprehensive at first because I'm generally not so great in environments I don't know a lot about. I was at a party the night before and had a flipping late night and an unbelievably early morning so I wasn't feeling too fresh. I got there and the very first thing I did, as I usually do, is I made friends with the dog. Now I must be honest and say I love me a good pooch. I can't not have a little interaction with a dog when I come across one, I dig those homies. As I walked in the gate, the dog and I played around a bit and then as the gate was closing, the little dick decided to bolt out and make a dash for it. So now I'm running out the gate calling this thing and it decides to be an even bigger asshole and jumps through the fence and into the adjacent complex. There stands me at the fence, calling to this thing that's laughing at me and this vision in my mind of me being the dick that lost the dog. This little prick doesn't quite get that I'm trying to make a good impression here. I'm trying real hard this time to actually be normal and now you're going and ruining things before they've even begun. Luckily, no one liked that dog and I could get on with trying to be normal.

All in all it actually wasn't a bad time at all. I can't really say I remember much of the names that I was told or every single detail to the day except that I was feeling a little desire to engage in some lip locking but for the most part it was decent. I met a little boy who winks smoother than double cream and is probably fuelled on the energy only found in the middle of a Cornetto. If I could be half that slick, I'd die a happy man.
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Thwarting.

As a hero, there are so many things I can do. I'm like a jack of all trades when it comes to getting stuck in and doing stuff but I have one large, and very weird Achilles heel.

Ask me to make you supper and I'll mash you a great dinner with a dessert too if I'm feeling nice. I've painted both our living room and my own bedroom. I once blindly navigated through the streets of Johannesburg with nothing more than broken directions and an internal compass pointed in the direction of Durban. I can be superhuman at the best of times and on a whole different ethereal plain if need be but for some odd reason, I cannot poo with a jacket on.

If there is one thing I seem to struggle with, it's dropping a deuce in a jacket o hoodie. I just went to unleash a coil and I couldn't start. I was a little confused as I sat there waiting for the magic to happen and then it hit me, take off the over covering. I had to take off my hoodie before the gates of Colon were opened and the procession went ahead. I don't know what it is that makes me life this. I don't know if I feel over dressed for such a relaxed occasion or if I fear getting my clothes dirty by some freakish chance but it just never works. I thing I need to see a psychologist or something about this because this could become a problem. This could be something my enemies use to thwart me!

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Lost

I'm in bed right now, with no sleep coming my way and a head full of thoughts.

It's my cousin's funeral in a few hours. I had and still have every intention of being there. I would very much love to be there, it's a big deal in the family and a big deal to me. I told my mom I'd go last week. She said to me that I didn't have to, that it was something she really didn't expect me to do especially considering the fact that I don't often go to such things but I really want to. My biggest concern right now is that for me, I'm basically stuck in the middle of nowhere. I can't sleep and that's made me think about my plan of action and the truth of the matter is that I don't have one. I know that if I try leave here, there's every chance of me not finding a way out and homewards and that's no good on my tight schedule. I have to be home before 8. I told my parents I would sleep at home on friday night but it was better for me to be out considering the fact that the house would be filled to over flowing. I'm at a loss as to whether to try conduct heroics and mission to be home before everyone leaves or to sit this one out, knowing that I wouldn't really be of much use anyway. I'm not the most integral cog in the whole extended family structure. I'm the strange cousin who seems to always be on his own mission, the intimidating character that is hard to get cosy with. I do try, I really do try to be accommodating but it can be hard, it's just how I am sometimes.

I'm going to phone my mom when I wake up, see what she has to say about this and then decide from there. I want to be there but I also don't want to try go if it will be all in vain.
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Breakfast Bob

Someone needs to come up with a definitive guide to what meals can be eaten at what time for breakfast because I am all over the show.

I generally tend to wake up at about 11am on a good day at home which kind of means I wake up in the hour of limbo. Breakfast all over the world stops being served at about 10ish and lunch is only an hour away, so what must I do? I never know if I should have cereal anyway and call it as I see it, being my first meal of the day or if I should skip along and have a bigger meal and be satisfied for lunch. I tend to always have a bit of confusion when it comes to meal times, so much so that I once just had a tomato all day because I didn't know where food would fit in on the clock.

Today is no different. I'm up now and as I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, lovely things like egg and bacon and mushies and all those sweet breakfast bobs stare at me lovingly and as I turn around and stare into the cupboard, noodles and tuna and toast making goods try seduce me with their eatery wiles. I'm weak man, I love me some good food. So much so that I haven't even kept to my diet at all this week. I've been all over the show, eating this and that all willy nilly and if I don't get back into my routine then it'll begin to show.

I wrote this post to try and clear my head so I could have time to decide what I'll have. Seeing as this will be the meal that'll tide me over till dinner time, I think it's best I have toasted cornflakes, bacon, egg and cheese on a bed of tuna noodles.
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Snuffed Out.

My cousin died this morning. Not the greatest opening line I've ever had if I'm honest. Not the greatest post I'll ever write either.

I was at Ben's house this morning when I got the message from my parents. My dad sent me an sms and I was like, whoa that's quite heavy and then a few hours later my mom sent me a message too, that's when it really hit. My cousin Mlu, or Jack, as he was more affectionately known was definitely one, if not my most favourite cousin. He stayed with us when he was studying his electrical engineering degree thingy so he was with us for a while. He was leaving work when he was in an accident. Completely snuffed out young and in his prime. Right when everything was looking up, it all went upside down.

We got on well. I've always been the youngest around my cousins, even though there are younger rats than me. I was always the kid that was too big for his boots and always tried to squeeze himself into what they all were doing. I can see now, when I look back, that I was poes annoying and that's why I give the younger rats some face time because I know what it's like to hustle. He always gave me a bit of time. That kind of thing stuck with me.

When I met up with my dad at his office this afternoon, he told me that it had really hit my mom hard. We went from his office to my aunt's house and the atmosphere was intensely heavy. I'm not one who is often touched by things like that, I've seen deaths in the family before but there was something different about this. This was something that bothered my ultimate favourite lady ever, my mom and her sister, my second favourite. You know when you sit there trying to kind of find something to say but no words come to you? They teach you how to deal with this kind of thing in school. They don't teach you how to speak to a grieving person in L.O. No one teaches you about the social cues, you've got to learn that for yourself. We're stuck on this planet with so little tools and knowledge that I kind of wonder, what even is the point of spending 12 years of your life being "taught" so you can be prepared for life when the real truth is that as soon as you walk out those school gates, the first thing that comes at you will leave you flat on your face?

This life is amazing, a real blessing and that's something we often take for granted from most days. I know that's so cliché to say right now but that's where my mind is, trapped deep inside every single clichés.

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To My Kids.

I don't like little kids. I don't like the idea of having to raise a family, having to support it, love and nurture it and watch over it. It seems tiring.

No I'm lying. If we're all honest with ourselves here, I'm going to end up with a lovely little lady and two beautiful kids. In a perfect world I'd just live as a bachelor in a penthouse suite with my long term girlfriend of many hair colours and surprises but we don't live in that world and unless I really luck out, suburban lifestyle is set for me.

The thing with kids though is that they're getting worse and worse with every generation. I honestly do think that my generation was the last of the good ones. We came at a time just before the internet. We were there when it was born and we grew up alongside it. We've seen technological advancements flying all over the show at rapid rates and we have been able to keep up. The big problem has come with the kids after us. Our biggest downfall has been the Yolo generation. If my kids ever want me to love them, they'll stick faaaaaaar from that kak. I hope and pray it doesn't exist, or get worse, by the time I have kids.

If my daughter ever takes a cap from a guy and puts it on, in a bid to be cute or to show her interest in him then I've failed that child as a parent. I don't dig that look at all hey. When I look back to how the girls I grew up with did that and how stupid they all look in their photos, I cringe for them. If my son ever comes up to me and says he wants to buy a snap back cap, without a skateboard, then I've failed that child. If my son wants to wear those things in my house then he better be sponsored by Element or something and not using it to give out to girls with daddy issues. My kids will be allowed to dress as they choose, to a point. I really don't mind if I have a gangster OG for a son or if he thinks that black skinnies are the best things ever (If you really wanna make sure I adore you and am proud of you as my child, then you'll be living the black skinny life.) The only thing I don't want is for them to wear sports clothes out in the real world. If you're gonna wear a pair of jeans, a golfer and some New balance training shoes, you can go live under a bridge. I don't want to see that eyesore in my house. If my daughter comes at me dressed in a pair of bootleg jeans and a shirt with enough bedazzlement to mimic an airport runway then she can get a plot out in Phoenix.

Knowing my luck, I'll probably have kids that do the exact opposite of what I think is cool. I'll probably have a son that constantly has a girlfriend, which is chilled, at least he's getting portion but I wont be too amped if he's doing that since grade 3. My daughter will probably be a sporty little poes and play copious amounts of varying sportsball games and activities which means I'll have to go to every single game/meet/practice. I'll be at my wits end by the close of primary school. Musically, the only thing I can hope to expect from my kids is that they have diverse taste. I've been lucky enough to be exposed to so many different types of music and have learnt to appreciate them in their own special way. They'll be growing up listening to Bloc Party, Foals, KOL, CWK, Florence and the Machine and so many other things that they'll be able to hold their own with anyone who has decent taste in music. I would want them to show me what it is that's cool in their day. I want to know what's relevant and if they're lucky, we'll be hitting concerts like they're xanax.

There's still so much I want to give my kids a heads up on and in time I'll get to it. I'm still growing up as a human being and once I hit the ultimate pinnacle of cool, at about 46, they'll have all the information they need. Growing up is hard but luckily they'll have a dad that transcends time and space. Read my blog kids, you'll learn a lot.
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The Original - Incubus.

I only go where I'm wanted
You go only where you want
I aim to be more like you
There is a ghost in my house
Rattling handles on every door
Show us an open window or two
Would you?

Doors are starting to close
And you drew a rose my, my
Your mind it is original, oh
You're a skeleton key, opening me,
My, my; your mind it is original,
Girl you're the original
Always were
And always will be

The flowers of adaptation
Unfold and lovingly alarm
You effortlessly ring that bell
Your stripes are yours and yours only
The bow ideal of rare birds
And now I am under your spell
Oh, under your spell

Doors are starting to close
And you drew a rose my, my
Your mind it is original, oh
You're a skeleton key, opening me,
My, my; your mind it is original,
Girl you're the original
Always were
And always will be
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Should I Write A Post About This?

Should I write a post about this? I don't know. Am I writing a post about this? No I'm not. Then what am I doing? I'm just cocking around with the keys on my keypad.

I haven't written a post on my daily adventures in a while. It's not that my days are dull or anything, I'm still as full of verm and vigour as I was before. The problem is that I've literally been drowning in what we tend to call "Life." I've had weeks filled with past papers, ink blotches all over my hands and frustrating back and forths with girls over feelings, like I don't have anything better to do with my time. Honestly, if I could trade shoes with a 6 year old and not have to think about anything more than the next mud pie I'm going to bake, I'd be a happy man. I won't even get into what's cutting back in the Sithole residence because that's a post for another day but let's just say things aren't the smoothest. Just last weekend I ended up misplacing my phone. On a Sunday afternoon. All because my mind was overloaded. I need to find a steady rhythm again. I used to do a bit of school and a bit of work and I'd be set. These last two weeks have been devoid of work and that's set me askew. When you're away from certain circles, it gives you time to process certain things. The only downfall to this is that it cuts into the time one can spend with their friends.

But the main reason behind this post is what's been going on in my head, mainly the area that deals with certain dormant feelings. I don't like feelings. I think they can be rather tedious and a waste of time and we'd all be better off with less of them. On the other hand though, I think that they're fun things to work with from time to time. I'm a person set up to love and if you took that from me, I don't know where I would eventually be. I'm a little hypocritical and that's okay because this is my blog and I can say whatever pile of steaming brown I want. I'm usually a character that doesn't like competition. I don't think that it's fun at all.

I've always had a certain amount of opposition when it comes to the girls I'm interested in. From jealous exes to pretty boss DJs, I've done it all. This time though, things are a little different. My ideal relationship situation with a girl would be that we just enjoy each other's company. We hook up, go through the motions when the opportunity arises and then we leave things there, picking up where we left off the next time we're together. No questions, no emotions, just fun. That's all I want, fun. I've had fun in relationships before, my last one was a great laugh but that was a completely different kind of fun compared to this. This here is taboo. This is something we rightfully shouldn't be doing. The fact that we see each other more than the twice a week limit is already reason enough to call it quits and erase it from memory but let's be honest, where's the fun in that? Where is the fun in playing by the rules? Have we ever really done that? Sure we like to mess each other around and push and pull to find a reaction but is it wise this time? So much has happened since the last time, we're two completely different people now. We're gonna bite a lot harder this time.

Haha I'm tickled pink just writing this. I don't know what'll happen in the next few days. Maybe I'll wake up thinking I should settle down, become an upstanding citizen and find myself a nice winter girlfriend. Or maybe I'll keep going as I am, with no set course or plan of action except to draw happiness from any situation that presents its self. The pressure I felt just this morning has dissipated and I feel like I could do with a bit of adventure. How hard can it be?

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hmm

She sat at the window, cigarette in hand and a goofy smile on her face. I stared out the window, looking at white clouds in the sky as they mingled together with the smoke she blew out. Worries or cares were things far from my mind. My reality was this moment here. My focus completely drawn to her, the she that was in front of me. Our silly exchanges and knowing looks came from a place with too much behind it for it all to be innocent. We know all too well that this is a bad idea but we wouldn't do it if it wasn't. Why would you want to hold back against a little excitement, a little risk taking. Can you play with fire if you're too afraid of being burnt? I've never been able to hold back when it comes to something I want. It seems silly to keep away from the things that bring you happiness just because there could be a risk of it backfiring. If we kept away from things because it could go wrong then our lives would be shallow cesspits of despair. There's so much that will go down before we ever reach normality. We're far from reaching any kind of reasonable conclusion. Our attention is drawn in various enticing directions, we have sensory overloads like a dog sniffing his way through the park. We're on the run from one another at the speed of 27 bouquets of white roses.

Frustration Station

One of the saddest moments is realising you don't like someone the way you once used to. You look at them and just feel nothing where there used to be something and that kind of makes me feel a little sad.

I know this feeling all too well. I have this fault, I think it's just me being a guy with a short attention span, but I tend to be into someone for a while and then after a bit I just fizzle out. Today I was sitting on a bench at school and watching people mill about and there was this pretty young thing that caught my eye. She's been the object of my affection for a few weeks now and it's been a cloak and dagger kind of affair and it has left me unbelievably frustrated at times. I think I'm still adjusting to the whole thing of having competition when vying for someone's affections. Okay, I've always had competition, I'm not bothered with that at all. If anything, I relish a bit of tug o' war. What's been plaguing my mind though is that I'm basically dealing with a mirror image in terms of openness and that makes me want to shoot myself in the foot. If I had to have a thing with myself, I'd know exactly what's going through my own mind but I'd be so frustrated because I wouldn't be letting it on to myself, makes sense? Honestly, nothing grinds my gears more than dealing with a girl who tries to be a closed book. I'm a closed book, end of story. I'll be open enough to a point and then BAM, shut. I'm basically the equivalent of the preview of another book in the series that you get at the end of some books. I know I'm being very hypocritical here. Haha I'm actually being very silly but it is something I'm learning to work on everyday, with the right set of people, but still. Basically, I know what's behind her closed doors but it sometimes frustrates me because she just wont flipping say it. Anyway, when I looked at her today, looking all manners of good, flip I'm still having heart palpitations just thinking about that rear end, I realised that I either don't feel for her like I once thought I did or I'm in a lot of trouble.

I'm not seeking anything further than casual relations. I don't even have a proper eye set on anyone right now. I'm flowing free with affection and basically bringing cheer and great tidings to anyone I see fit. Obviously there must be certain criteria. Move my mind and stir up my soul and I promise I'll be yours for as long as you want, or till the feeling wears off. I've had a string of lesser paramores in the past and I think I owe it to myself to have a bit of something stirred up inside me. I want to be challenged on every level till I feel as if I'm about to fall off the bend. Once you do that, I can basically guarantee my undying affections for you.
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