Its been somewhat of a dream

Its monday and im taking stock of just whats gone on from the moment i stepped out of school and till i got home a coupla hours ago..

Im sure I've made it quite evident how great friday was but it seems that friday wasn't the only special day that was planned for me. Saturday was a great day, great night even tho we misinterpreted the rules and customized them to fit in the best way we saw et for both parties. I thankfully came second in the game of poker in a twisted turn of luck which played just right in my eyes.

Sunday was a great day, played mashie which in fact a great way to spend a sunday morning, that and havin a stroll down the beach are two ways i've found to be pleasurable ways to spend the anti climax day of the week. Lord F.K. is actually quite the brilliant little keen golfer. My first coupla 12 swings weren't of the top drawer but after some thinking and a few adjustments i was quite on form by my standards. Played a 32 which is exactly what i wanted, secretly im quite the machine golfer when im not taken up by RingWorm.

My boy Lewis Hamilton was perfectly on form, i haven't been so amped by a drive like that in ages. Spa didnt fail me but even so my mind was elsewhere focused on someone out of sight but not out of mind, its still kinda clichéd and somewhat unreal and that probably sounds as gay as Patricé LeFwancei but its true, i enjoy the little remarks here and there about fires in the night and the constant communication and such things, its been a while since i gave in to being human...

Healing Elixir Party

Had a rather heavy night of fun last night. Got back from the party ready for bed and only ended up drinking even more, very brilliant night made even better by the events that last into the next day.

Only had 5 hours sleep and spent the morning missioning around with Queenie, playing red light bingo and wishing curses on thieving chivalrous gardeners. I haven't felt so tired in ages but it was all just too funny...

My Ben Friend is a frikin fool. He wouldn't let me watch the F1 Qualifying press conference because he wanted to watch some soccer game that lasted twenty minutes longer than a coupla words of knowledge that would take hardly longer than wiping your nose or takin a poo. He's just jealous that He's not number 39 in my life but has dropped down one, from second down to 6 billion the order has changed.

So far the highlight of the day had to be the childrens game we played today. I remember how back in the day we kids used to build bases and have wars against each other with sticks and stones and mud and all these funny little things

Myself and Scunthorpe were on a team against Little Boy and T.N.M and im glad to say we owned homies flipping well. Its frikin tiring havin to find weapons, dodge huge rocks and then try throw a stick and remember to protect your life source and keep your base safe, so hard to do as an old man. The quote of the day had to be when Scunthorpe said "healing elixir party" while we were in the pool trying to heal our wounds and ouchies

Poker night tonight, would enjoy seeing my girlfriend but i want to hang with these guys who are my friends and will allow me to win their money. Hard to write this post with all these children being child like, imma join in

Emma's song...

Tonight's party was pretty good... I enjoyed it more as the night wore on and my silly insecurities faded.

Who would've thought I'd be the sorta person who enjoyed one on one ti e so much that it kinda feels foreign suddenly being alone? I thankfully didn't get cut tonight I just chilled at the tipsy state and it was the place to be, especially with you...

New experiences for an old dog and life just chooses to bring forth its blessings in human form, perfect human form and I shan't complain because it's all I've ever asked for.

Had a stressful day at school, who knew I write a test every friday on things I've never learned? I think I did pretty well despite the circumstances or maybe I was just not bothered enough to care about things that didn't feature on my mind so much?

I've left my Ben Friend behind in the land of those left to care for numero uno and aim now standing for two.

I realized why emma's song has no words, how can one begin to explain just how magnificent she is? Can you begin to imagine the words to use? The words to describe epic in it's human form? I can't so I won't try to put words to my thoughts but I hope one day the words come to me...

Today I cried...

Today i cried but not tears of pain and anguish but tears from so much laughter. I've seen people cry when they laugh and i thought it was kinda weird like the other day this girl was laughing so much she started crying cuz her triangle was tiny, who does that? But anyway the Watch Dog tells me she's gettin me insurance and i just couldn't help but burst out in laughter and tears like in the cartoons with streaming torrents of water comin out their eyes. It made me think of that one time in that one shop and that wasn't helping at all cuz it just made me laugh even harder so im sittin on the couch trying to watch tv and calm my laughter while everyone is kinda staring at me and nothing i tried would stop my little seizure. Its nice tho to know that she pulls a Sanlam and thinks ahead.

When i awake it shall be friday and my waitin would have paid off. I'll miss free practices even tho i only have 40 minutes of school 2morrow which im not keen for at all, waste of time in my eyes but alas i shall venture on. My mind just drifted back there to funny thoughts that made me laugh and shake my head, ah i must get to bed or I'll never sort myself out in the morning

I too am a retard of circumstance at times...

Woke up this morning not feelin the greatest. My day wasn't that great really it felt like someone was pulling strings in my head making my brain contract and in the process cause severe pain. I was too amped when my last 3 classes got cancelled because then i got to go home early and work on getting better.

Well i tried to get better, i tried a bit too hard tho. In the space of a coupla minutes i'd drank 3 quarters of a bottle of cough syrup and ingested some funny pill that was meant to do somethin. Never again will i trust medicine, my brain completely left me and i dono where it went but it was a useless time without it. I thought only a coupla minutes had passed at one stage but when i checked i realized that i'd spent 3 hours in a zombie like state without being able to recall much of what had happened. At one point i thought i was sleeping for hours but only to find out that in fact i was on mxit speakin to people, i dont remember the conversations at all, all i know is that i was sleeping in my eyes.

Thankfully tho it seems to have worked at makin me feel better even tho i feel so tired and sluggish, worst feeling really and to make it worse my temper got a huge shot in the arm and i've had to restrain myself from blowing a gasket...

At one point i went searching for soap and toilet paper but when i got to my destination i'd forgotten why i'd come there, how i got there and how the hell i'd be able to walk back to my room. Never again am i gonna believe people when they say meds work cuz all they do really is turn me into a proper retard of circumstance and to me thats really not good at all. I cant be seen as something i spend hours bashing down, thats like saying You're a vegetarian but you only eat chicken and fish...

Tomorrow is finally thursday, this week is startin to drag itself out. They say things happen in due time but really who knows when due time is when no one can control time itself?

I wonder where time goes on vacation.

A post is a means of communication

Last night my means of communications died. She pushed as far as she could but she just couldn't take it any longer. I was happy with her valiant effort and she'd died in the perfect tab, what more could I have asked for?

Little James bombarded me yesterday with many a question that made me laugh too much, sure they were serious little bits of information seeking but i just couldn't help but laugh at how her enthusiasm shined through and left little oily fingerprint marks all over the walls. A hopeless romantic at heart is what she is I've concluded and that sorta attitude is what keeps dating services alive and in business...

Wednesday and soon it shall be Thursday and then it will be Free Practice 1 and 2 day, if i can i will hide on friday morning so i can enjoy some proper entertainment on tv. This is what i miss about my old campus, i cant watch tv anymore its frikin gay when i really need to

My thoughts are not my own

They say that if you stare at someone long enough they can feel your gaze upon them and will subsequently stare back at you because they can kinda tell and their brain picks it up. I tested that out today and it actually works its pretty weird, i sat there willing people to look up and look at me while i stared holes into the top of their heads.

If that works would it stand to reason that if you think about someone long enough it will cause for some sort of open link to be created between your brains? If you think about someone hard enough could it leave them an open gap where they can access some of your thoughts to use as their own or as a means of passing information cuz it is freaky when you find yourself thinkin something and the person next to you is thinking the very same thing. Is there truth to telepathy or is it just something movies sell to us?

I rate that depending on the strength of your relationship with someone you brains have a point where they link up and can pass messages between each other that we probably dont notice happening but its a transaction that is taking place. If animals can communicate in thought then why cant we as the dominant creatures on this planet? I think we rely too much on verbal and physical communication that we've forgotten the power of thought and of words unsaid so feel free to steal my thoughts because atleast then i know we're kinda in tune

Now im irritated

I hate my cellphone service provider. I've tried to write a frikin post 4 times now and each time cell c had to be a sunt about it. I would've loved to go on about how i'd had been nipped at by the Watch Dog and how it had no form of bother on me except for the fact that its kinda inconvenient for everyone but now im over the silly stupid words.

I dont mind being kept off mxit but come now when i cant blog then what must i do hey? I wrote the thing out three times and yet each time it fails so who knows, this one here might fail as well so there's no point.

I shall kill cell c for this injustice...

Give me strength... And a small musical jukebox

Ah another monday morning and as much as i wanted the weekend to pass away im still kinda dreading the whole monday vibe, the weekend stories, irritation of the first period and the long day.

My little moment of silence was pretty much shattered again now knowing that im goin back to my days of suffering in utter silence, funny how I've traded silence for silence yet this silence will make alot more noise inside and out but not so much outside as in? Im going to have to build myself a device that can play back music into my ears at any given moment because im definately not going back to that silence, worst week of my life that and I'll be damned if i didnt learn anything from it.

Its a good feeling knowing that the paddock is shaping up for this weekend, so much goes on behind the scenes but we only see what they let us from friday through to sunday. Finally news is coming through and i can kinda feel like i have a bit more insight to what just might go down come sunday but you never really know when it comes to things like that.

If i can get the day off today I'll be pretty amped but i dont see it happenin so im facing the day with my little crooked animals, i still have no idea what they are and why a cloud has legs or antennae?

Silence is golden

Its finally sunday which means a new week as about to start and for a change im actually looking forward to gettin it over and done with..

My mind is so clear its kinda weird havin my silence back after so much white noise, i'd kinda grown used to it all but im glad to have my peace.

If a goal counts as a set of ten then surely if i score say ten I'll be pretty sore in the morning? Can i even do so many? I doubt i have the drive to try do all that in one sitting really im a lazy little bastard.

Yesterday i had to make supper and really i didnt see the point of me havin to do that when there was no need and now my dad has become frikin masterchef and is takin on the kitchen as if it was something new and i have to hear every single detail about every thing he uses to make whatever it is he's making, my fortress of solitude has done me well in keeping me from being domesticated.

I've decided to be a Chelsea supporter, not because they win often but because of Didier. I wouldn't have been an Ivory Coast supporter if he didnt play and to me its so much easier to support a player than a team but people dont quite understand that so I've chosen them to be my team. Soccer politics bore me but when its the only fix you had for 3 weeks then you learn to get used to it.

On the other side of drunken ramblings

I have been inebriated and on mxit many times before and its like another world there, talkin to people you usually dont and saying things you shouldn't have and being reminded about it in the morning, really funny. Just the other day i was told that i had spoken to a doll from school whilst in that state and i can recollect nothing of that conversation.

Last night it was my turn to be bombarded on the sober side. Gem had half a beer again and was trying to make sense to me but i cant read a whole sentence having no vowels but after a while she got used to the whole letters on a keypad make proper words thing and started makin sense. James also had half a beer but it seems that when she has half a beer she suddenly becomes quite the intellectual which really suprised me, lots of big words she used and spelt reasonably correctly most of the time.

On one side of it, conversation was about how heaven has blessed me and on the other side James was relishing the fact that she has a boyfriend in Scunthorpe, to quote her words he was her prince charming, clichéd but it worked.

Im not about to give away contents of those message tabs but all i can say is that i will succeed in my plan for a skipped race weekend. Its Spa next weekend, the favourite track of most race drivers, the one race I've been waiting a whole year for and if things go my way i shant be at home in front of the tv...

Sunday

Heavy night, it was a heavy night, feels like we've come back from the dead.
Heavy night, it was a heavy night, i cannot remember what i said, to anyone..
If we get up now we can catch the afternoon, watch the under 15s playing football in the park.
Lets sit in St. Leonards on this alcoholic, we're doing the best with what we've got.

I'll love you in the morning, when you're still hungover.
I'll love you in the morning, when you're still strung out.
I'll love you in the morning.

I work hard all week and so do you, we deserve to let off some steam.
Less orthodox creeping, we need to rage through this life.
There might be ones who are smarter than you, that have the right answers that wear better shoes.
Forget about those melting ice caps, we're doing the best with what we've got.

I'll love you in the morning, when you're still hungover.
I'll love you in the morning, when you're still strung out.

When im with you i am calm, a pearl in your oyster.
Head on my chest, a silent smile, a private kind of happiness.
You see giant proclaimations are all very well but our love, is louder than words.

I might've over cooked it but it still functions pretty well

This is my second attempt at makin words today, just now i kinda just stared at my keypad not knowing what to write but at certain times during the day i have so much i wanna put down but when i try write it, nothing...

My brain has worked itself to a stand still, all i want are the little men in my head to have a party or my body needs a party and the little men should just go to sleep and let me run on auto pilot, imagine how that would tickle.

Too many people complain that had they had enough time they would've achieved so much in life but when you think about it there is always time to do the things you want to do its just that we like to limit ourselves with stupid things that when you come to think of it have no consequence at all. I've been thinkin about that this whole day and like I've said before too many people claim to be all hardcore and live life by their own rules but as soon as anything they do is questioned or frowned upon, they scurry away into a dark corner and complain about how hard life is and how no one gives them a break. Watching Top Gear now and these guys dont really mind whats going on. Sure it is a tv show and its made to be at its most entertaining but just follow for a second their way of thinkin and how it does filter into their real lives and you'll see how they make a good case of thinking for themselves.

We aren't all designed to think for ourselves, some of us are followers and some of us are revolutionary howzits who walk to the beat of their own drum. Me? Im not sure where i am, i would like to think im somewhere in the middle of that, individual enough to make my own decisions but humble enough to follow advice when needed.

I crave a bit of adventure. Lookin back over the year, its pretty evident that I've been spoilt for excitement but now that I've had a bit of downtime i want more, im a fat jew after his first win the slot machines... I want to be open to new experiences but not going out of my way like a fool doing every silly stupid thing that comes to me in some sorta way that makes me look like a headless chicken runnin around not knowin where im going. I want it to be there but i dont want it to be the be all and end all of who i am.

The problem with writing this thing and taking gaps to think is that most of it wont make sense and i wont go back to make it make sense because i dont go about puttin my thoughts into pretty little orders with colour coded folders and sticky notes. I dont condone stupidity in actions at all but an open mind is needed

Am i a repeat offender or was my lesson learned?

Listenin to Zephyrus by Bloc Party and it just does its own thing of makin me think.

Im known for my minimal effort tactics and they pay off well for me I've never been good at the huge proclaimtions and such so its weird that here i am wondering if maybe I've been wrong with this view on the things i do. It cant hurt to maybe try a bit harder to get a better result but does trying hard always pay off? I thought i could try it and make efforts like other humans do but when push comes to shove i collide with the bump and always bail.

"and all you said in your quietest voice was i needed you as much as they did" those words ring so true, i regret being such a douche i mean really you would expect someone in a relationship to think of their other half but i was never a person who would bend over backwards, i know i ruined alota plans to spend time together cuz i would rather hang out with my friends, I've always been that way so to you Kayleigh i apologize and you have every reason to still feel a bit edgy with me, i can now admit that i was the weak link.

I thought i'd made a transformation for the best but alas im still very much me and i love that. Its probably time for renewment and im keen to become a human of effort and consequence, it will pay off in time it just takes a bit longer to get out of my old dog ways and into somethin new. Haha ah who knew a coupla words and a song could trudge up such thought in me

Watch as i too become one who can make hail while it rains...

This is how it should be

The weather is just perfect...

I've waited for this moment to come since monday now, knowing that im done with school for the week and i can sleep in on a friday morning, im too amped. I was offered to skip school today but i went because i kinda had to but also because its just not the same if i had spent today at home along with tomorrow and the rest of my weekend, thats just overkill.

I saw a strange sight today. I saw a hobo sleeping on the pavement in broad daylight and he had a little wood fire next to him, kinda like something you would see Bear Grylls do. I've slept next to a fire before and its great granted you aren't sleepin next to a blanket hog who will push you into the fire and set you alight just so they can be warm while you're cold on sand in the early hours of the mornin with only bobby not on awake but to do it in the middle of town where everyone is walking, isn't that a bit much? I have nothing against hobos and everything but i think its kinda silly how some choose that life over comfort and normality, i mean i honestly wouldn't go live in the streets of durban just because im findin it tough to get a job or get through school, why not stick it out and at least make living a bit more comfortable?

Spa next weekend, not the beauty place but a place of beauty in itself. Its a racing circuit and F1 returns makin it the end of my miserable 3 weeks and my luck can finally pick up again. I probably will miss the race tho if push comes to shove which im hoping it will cuz digital affection is great and everything but in my day everything was analogue

China was onto something when they started eating dogs

Two hours into my day and after a lacklustre shower im on mxit and i get a message from the Watch Dog which im sure she tried to make out to be innocent by adding a smile face at the end, i knew what was coming and i thought really screw it lets see what she has to say, can she play these games?

I've never been a huge fan of jack russels really, cocky little bastards that are just too hardcore for everyone and think they can take on whoever they please hence i never feel bad when i see one lying dead on the side of the road, i kinda thank sigh in relief, someone out there has been spared from such a menace. Funny how this should fit the topic?

Anyway this morning the Watch Dog is goin on about thing i kinda forgot about which meant nothing to me, basically something about how things shouldn't be this way and that i was a fool to forgive and i should go climb down a huge chute and park off in the darkness with rats and gators and then she drops this jewel of a message that had me in such a great mood this whole day, i obviously corrected the spelling cuz im still not fluent in retard yet.

"I know and i get that but if this really means so much to the both of you as you guys say it does then why hide it.. There comes a time where you have to come out about it... But i know em she's easily pursuaded and easy to quiet when it gets tough and its not gonna be easy at all... I mean she cant even tel her family and really what kinda relationship is that... Em doesn't know what she really wants.. Because she did like ross and liked kissing him but... Why doesn't she want that with you?"

Ah i haven't laughed that much in ages, somethin before that about how she is perfectly fine with her friends decisions and yet you contradict yourself so openly thinkin you were somehow more cleverer and a lot more witty than me? Come now my girl lets be real here i passed pre school and left the behaviour behind...

Firstly whoever she decides to tell about anything she does is her baby, i didnt tell anyone anything because i didnt see the big deal of advertising something so common yet clearly unseen in your world, secondly i love how you undermine your friends will and judgement. Now i know my friends have their strength and weaknesses and they know i have my own but i would think being a friend would atleast give you more faith in them than just to plainly shoot them down to every person around and this isn't the first time you've said a thing like this to me or a number of people in fact i cant think of a few situations where i found myself doubting your credibilty after a few things you've said about your supposed friend, thirdly, im not holding her against her will, if she feels she should be making eyes at someone else then she can feel free, "emma you may go on your own way i wont contest at all, this is my formal way of saying you're free to do whatever the hell you choose, i can live without you but i choose not to"

Ah the Watch Dog really knows how to put me in a good mood, after the interrogation i was runnin late for school but i declined being dropped off cuz i was too keen to mission on my own to school today. I thought about bringin music along but my brain shut that idea down hard, how the hell am i meant to enjoy the cacophony inside with something else trying to drown it out. An hour's trip was done in about 45 minutes or so which suprisingly left me enough time to get to my first class before the teacher, i would've walked straight past my school had i not been stopped by robots, i nearly got run over twice today but thats ok im still in one piece and feeling so much better about it

Premonition or idle fear

Its 4 in the morning and what better time to post.

I just woke from an interesting dream... I dreamt i was on mxit speakin to kirst and her status was "Tyler and Ross" and it was pretty much a sign of the people she had something goin with, i wasn't suprised because i knew that during our time together i hadn't been number one so i asked her about it but got nothing of value out of her. Then i was speakin to Gem and suddenly im face with an in love face for a person i didnt know about and countless explainations that meant crap all to me. What suprises me is how i handled it, surely there should've been some form of suprise, anger and hurt but all it was, was curiosity. I know I've been able to suprise myself like that before cuz with the stace situation i felt feathers when it came to anger and suchness all i wanted to know was who he was and i moved on. Unfortunately i woke up before i got the answer i was looking for which kinda bums me out cuz i was genuinely curious, who was this person kept underwraps from me and for what reason, where had he sprung up from and why did i have to find out in such a fashion?

The thing about my dreams is that they have an alarming way of boardering on reality, i learnt how to ride a bike through dreams and sometimes they're idle fantasy. Was this my minds eye's way of tellin me to buck up or was i dispelling negativity? During the explainations i had made the decision to cut ties and not let anything linger for longer, i had tried my best and it had proved fruitless so the next move was to start fresh somewhere new with no feelings of regret because it happened, i was greatful but life carries on, at a faster pace than before. The great thing about that is thats exactly how i would handle a situation like that in real life, no need to get cut up by things like that I've already had my emotional stage and now inside me lives a brain ready enough to deal with such extremes and they weigh comfortable yet unpreferable in it.

The funny bit is how in one way or another all those names are linked, premonition or idle fear? I haven't quite decided yet

At one time this post had a cool name

I've been puttin off postin for a while today, i have no idea why, probably haven't been hit by any magnificent wonderment?

I wasn't so sure about the day today when i left for school but it really shaped up into somethin i could swallow easily. I dont think I've ever felt that weird and daring around girls at school like I did today, I dono why but it was as if everyone of them was a random i'd known for longer than I've known them, I actually spoke to more than 5 people today which is saying alot.

During free period I went missioning to the Workshop and who honestly knew so many hot dolls hang out at bus terminals? I've never seen a collection of great looking girls like i did today it was quite something else, i think i should take the bus everywhere and screw walkin from now on

My body is starting to show its age, everything creaks or is stiff or in some sorta pain.

Another OP test today and just like yesterday's one we were givin the answers it was quite funny being the only that bothered to do my work and then havin the teacher give everyone else my answers, also i was propositioned to become everyones brain during exam time. Im all for makin cash but honestly i really am not keen to let people look at my answers during an exam just because they're too lazy to go out and study for themselves what the hell really pay me somethin substantial and i might consider it but i work for no less than a grand for my brain

Do you have children? I dont have a girlfriend either

I really didnt wanna shower this morning but i knew that if i did it would have my brain juices flowing, im late and haven't gotten dressed but all is well...

You know it got me thinkin, Scunthorpe has always had more patience and understanding than most people and in the years its paid off for him and has also been his biggest downfall. Thinking back on the past year or so i realized that He's been with one person all along while we were floundering, changing our minds whenever we saw fit. I remember when i was with Kayleigh, when my Ben friend went out with the Watch Dog, when Winetlord was with Hayes the only constant was that Scunthorpe had his own constant agenda going on.

The trouble with things we dont understand is that they tend to become things we dont like not because we dont like them but for the fear of not understanding, you could have an argument with a parent about children and you could have as many facts as you'd like but if you have none of your own what possible claim do you have against someone with their own little brood at home? It seems to me like relationships work in the same way, how is it possible to judge on someone's situation when you yourself aren't there and cant be objective, sure you may have your own opinion and think thats right and stand by it whole heartedly but when it comes down to it you might as well be talkin about crap cuz your words have no hold or consequence and i know this cuz I've been there myself. So now i guess we wait with baited breaths cuz i dont know what will happen next, this day holds its cards close to its chest but all i know is that its about to deal some people a rather raw hand...

I can finally be somewhat happier now cuz i have no school on friday. Sure everyone probably doesn't have school this week from the strike but it was probably the greatest news knowing i too could sleep in friday morning, a long weekend of sorts

They want to be in your shoes because I want to be in your pants

Oh boy today was a day i enjoyed, not alota stressful work and lots of entertainment...

My ego was really boosted when 3 offers to start something came to me from no where. I will happily admit that on a day to day basis i dont get those sorta things so for it to happen 3 times in one day is honestly quite a suprise to me and it felt even better turning them down granted 2 of them were from haggard ass girls i wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Usually i'd feel bad about being so blunt but its good that they know what i think because enough of the stupid conversations and the touching me when im not paying attention, i have other commitments that highly out value you. You look like a David Coulthard with burnt popcorn kernels for teeth obviously i want nothing to do with you i would've thought you'd realized that by now seeing as i still dont know your name and i went straight home after you'd asked if i'd ever get with you.

On a whole different note i haven't laughed that much in school in ages, i think its become a sport to rip on Arifa Haha shame man she's a nice little girl

A: Can i go?
N: No!
A: Gosh
N: Who you calling gosh? Who's your fxxkin Gosh?!

Ah that destroyed me to bits and then i came across some of the names of people who go to my school, names you wouldn't really associate with a birth certificate. Things like Marvelous, Goodness, Queeneth, Lancelot, Immaculate, Physician, Memorial, Cosmas, Decent, Brilliant, Comfort, Fredman and Magnifisent... All first names as well i spent a good half hour searching through the lists laughing but even though those names are quite something i still maintain that Owlbreath will be the perfect name for my daughter, my little mini Abigail Breslin...

I am trying to be heroic in an age of modernity

I gave it some thought while i was in the shower and im actually pretty old school in some respects...

Little Boy always said I was an old man and he's right i mean i really am. When i come to think of it im so behind in so many things its kinda frightening and weird, i always thought of myself to be up to date with everything i needed to be. I dont own a Blackberry, im very happy with my cellphone that sends and receives calls and text messages and does the internet things with i pay for and i can go on fandangle things like mxit, twitter and facebook. I dont download full albums of music i like to get one song at a time because i still relish the thought of enjoying a song on a one on one basis, i dont heat up my milk in the microwave because i always thought that coffee should be mixed with somethin cold to make it normal? I dont read online books because a hardcopy always seems to be the proper way to do it

At first i thought that those things made me somewhat normal but i realize now that they are just a cover to hide my ignorance.

Now i hear of this thing called being 'together'. Now i know im old fashioned when a word breeds such confusion in my old tinkering mind. When i was a youth it worked like this, you liked someone you'd tell them and if they shared your interest then you asked them to be your girlfriend and you started a relationship that would possibly one day end up in marriage, now however things have changed? It seems that now you can be friends with benefits which is where you can have as much fun together but still keep yourselves at friendship level, being together which from my understanding means something or other, an open relationship where you are in a committed relationship but if you see someone you fancy you are then allowed to do whatever you want with that person whilst your other half is probably sittin with their friends unawares of the dirty goin on behind their back and they cant complain cuz they agreed to it so they have no claim whatsoever. When Kayleigh said her and I were together some time back i was like ok cool whatever the hell that means and it came to me that in her understanding it means that you are bound to that person and they take preference over everyone else but if you should choose it is ok to have a little thing goin on the side as long as it doesn't distract from your main interest, what the hell man why not just go skiing with a dog and say its chilled i left the cat at home? See that made no sense?

Personally and this is where my old fashionedness shines through, this together business is a prologue to something that should be great and im not gonna taint it by having little things on the side that distract from my main focus. Im learning here but i dont want you to be my case study...

My next step in my modernization is to try my hand at fax to email, sure its been around for ages but i still dono how to fax for crap

Hear you knocking at my door

Its kinda embarrassing when you're screaming your lungs out to a song and next thing you look up and someone is standing in your room, i thought closed doors were a sign of no entry?

Hahaha ah what have I started with this? I must make a shout out to James and her little Pretzel sister (who is not little but is in fact 2 whole millimeters taller than her sister) cuz their enthusiasm for my thoughts is unmatched and its somewhat touching so thank you, im sure you'll feature even more in times to come.

Having a little Kooks session they've got me chilled out its pretty cool...

I swear sunday has a way of fast forwarding itself cuz i woke up at half 8 and its half 3 now and somewher in that time i'd planned to get some work done but here i am in my room watchin a screen tell me that digital men are about to compete in their digital world. Who needs to watch live soccer matches hewnt can just set up a game to play with your favourite players knowing that each time they'll play to their best output and not to how far their swollen egos will let them? Its Germany and Israel, im so bad...

I've worked out why i've done nothing on paper today. Mining is a tricky business, you drill into the depths of the earth searching for valuables not knowing if they may be there and they aren't then you go and drill the next plot, You're frikin fortunate if you find a gold or valuable stones. Im no miner so who knows how i came across such a Gem, maybe my planets aligned in such a good way or she just stood on a purple cloud... Haha ah i think it was the purple cloud story, good joke that

You call it saturday, so do I

Today has been a satisfactory day, granted i didnt do what i would've liked but i got some pressing work done and if i dont get good marks for that I'll be rather annoyed.

I used to think that juicebox was the funniest word around but now there's a new one, Babes! Each time i hear that word i just cant help laughing and i know its meant to be cute and endearing but i cant help my contracting stomach and donkey like brays comin out. Just thinkin about it right now has me doubled over laughing but i wouldn't have it any other way...

Last night was an adventure in itself. I woke up at 2 in the morning i think it was with my hand in the tank on top of the toilet and my boxers inside. I honestly dont know how i got into that situation only that it was frikin weird and thankfully no one witnessed it, i think Scunthorpe's sleep missioning is startin to rub off on me.

Dont come too close, you dont wanna see my ghosts

Something really powerful about those nights where you decide to take time off for you and just mellow out in your own company. If you dont like your own company then you have a real problem cuz who else knows you the best than yourself?

Interesting conversation with Kirk tonight... If my Ben friend is someone who is level headed with things that involve interactions with humans then she most definately has to be the female version, except i like her words more cuz her and i seem to be on the same wave length. I honestly didnt expect that from a 14 year old. When both the above mentioned people start to get a bit soft and tender in the space of a coupla days between them then something must really be in the water cuz tonight i saw another side of a girl i thought i understood fairly well. Such openness scares me cuz i dont know how to handle things like that really if I've learnt one thing in my long years on this planet its to never let your happiness be determined by the decisions of others and if i have to help in making decisions that aren't mine to make then i dont know whats up? Haha ah its not like im playing at some game where im the main component im just giving advice to a friend but even then i feel weird knowin that those words i say may affect your decision and the life of some third party i know nothing of.

Haha ah racked my brain after all that but now I've calmed down to a state of something resembling normality which I'll savour, I'll accept a kiss from lifes lush lips....

Animal magnetism

You ever thought that taxi's are the ants of the motor world? They carry more than their size should permit, work till their very last croaking moment and are everywhere?

Then you get those big X5's and ML63's which are like elephants. Many people seem to forget that elephants can actually move pretty fast despite their huge proportions and its effortless, watch an X5 shoot up from the rear and you'll see what i mean.

You get your chevy spark and kia picanto and such like small cars which are your little chihuahuas that are every girls favourite accessory, all zippy and full of youthful life.

Your S class super barge, like the S65 AMG. Now there is your big ass massive eagle with a 7 meter wing span, funny how the car is also about that big. There is understated power and elegance just waiting to strike.

Excuse the over used analogy but i will admit that your thoroughbred stallion must be the Ferrari 458. There is a derby winning machine. On the other side you get your fighting bull, one of my favourites really and thats pretty much anythin outta Sant'agata. Any Lambo will do damage and thats the beauty of them, they're there to run at you and get your heart rate pumping and if you're lucky you'll get out of the way in the nick of time but if not then unlucky buddy you's is dead bitch.

Hahaha ah and then you get Godzilla, a lizard genetically mutated into a huge beast and slayer of the human race. The Nissan GTR is the beast that everyone says it is, one of my all time favourite on the merit that it is a machine that doesn't make any claims about itself but does what it does when it has to do it. What else can say that it had the guys from Zuffhausen worried?

The chameleon of the motor industry has to be the Porsche 911. All a chameleon does is change its color and even then that is more than what has happened to the 911. In the past 30 years or so of its lifetime i can tell you now people from those days could tell what car it is just by the fact that it is in actual fact nothing more than it claims to be on the outside and even there it does a bad job.

So many more cars that strike up a fair bit of animal comparison to me and its weird how they ring so true but no one would understand anyway

Friday the 13th

Im not a firm believer in the powers this day supposedly holds, its just a number given to a friday which changes all the time. Im not bothered unless the supernatural powers of this day are door to door salesmen who change their working day month by month. Its all nothing and I dono why Im goin on about it really?

It stands to reason that when you have a positive outlook its not natural for things to go positively for you so I've decided that I'll look at today in a positive light even tho many things weigh against that but I can take solace in knowing that the whirlpool within me has now subsided into a little wading pool and Im so very thankful for that. Sure I'll get crucified and may be told Im makin a mistake in choosing the one more chance option but really I couldn't be bothered in the slightest, what I choose and what others see fit for me are two different things that were all weighed up with hopefully my best interests at heart but you can only lead a horse to water right?

I was goin thru my toilet count and somewhere along the lines I've missed out a whole day?! How the hell do I miss out a whole day? Was I not around when this day happened or did I sleep through it or was their a law passed to let that day slip off on holiday leaving us to jump to the next? Im not stupid but Im sure I can use a calendar to find my bearings so I know what business Im doing on what day and how much of it is going down.

Ah well I need to get dressed and complete my morning routine, next week I'll mix it all up just to experiment

Why did murphy have to come to my house?

I've just about given up on being happy for the remaining two weeks of the F1 break, not because i miss it so much but because i knew that as soon as the checkered flag was waved i would have the worst time of my life till the opening of the next free practice...

Obviously i didnt think it would be true cuz its frikin stupid to think that something that knows crap all about you, that doesn't even exist as a living being could affect my day to day living but its just so much easier to blame it than accept my rather weird turn of bad luck. Its one thing stubbing your toe but to be kicked in the teeth repeatedly by circumstance does get a bit tiresome.

I didnt imagine today would be any different to the coupla days I've had really knowing that i would be a useless headless chicken who had more on his mind than was necessary. You cant walk the streets of durban with a full head, its like goin swimmin after eating except it actually is life threatening and not somethin your parents tell you to stop you from goin swimmin while they take their nap. I dont know how I'll get through tomorrow with all this new school work thrown on me, its one thing being given an assignment to do but to have 3 dude on the same day and two more big tests just is not fun for anyone...

I stopped for a while to realize how useless i was being when i saw that poor little girl crying, it may be funny hearing people tease her and even tho I've never done it I've laughed, its hard not to laugh at "Arifa how much do you bench?" but today seemed a bit much in my eyes.

I was so amped when Scunthorpe saved my life and it really did help, but just my luck the machine went on the blink and is now frozen and wont work when i need it the most, no wait im a frikin liar liar pants on fire hanging from a telephone wire!

Oh my word i am the most amped alive person around right now, it finally died and sorted its crap out and now i can face you with a level head and enough motivation to pull the plug to the ambiguity, i love that word now i learnt it in my self assessment. It claims that im linguistic, musical and interpersonal and I could agree with the first two but come now, i hate people, now more than ever so its a bit optimistic...

Anyway i was goin on about how i am about to either make a move that'll set me up for disappointment or stress, both have massive positives but i dont wanna dwell on them and have to live with one of the two choices and miss the positives of the other.

So now I take a deep breath and dive really deep...

Keeping our wits about us, our fists are powerless

Oh boy, what more can I say. I swear my life has become one of those cheap little soap operas we all just love to hate with their useless plots and predictable events...

Well I'll start with tuesday, I had a rather unenjoyable time at school if im very honest the only good moment was when Eunice was having a rant at how useless we students are but really what do you expect from a place where not even the fish look nice? I went home feeling so tired only to be told I had to go to the bank for reasons i couldn't quite fathom, it makes no difference whether I went yesterday or today but either way i would end up in the bank doin absolutely nothing but waiting in line. I then took the most brilliant crap and when i was savouring it at the most i realized i lost my memory card out my phone, its not a dignified sight lookin at someone searchin the bathroom with their pants by their ankles, I always thought I'd be doin somethin with my pants by my ankles but not that...

And then the phone call... Oh my word my whole being has never ever experienced anything like that before. I had Bloc Party on during the whole one hour and twenty two minutes of that phone call and I was either really stupid or a genius to have them playing because everything that was said to me was being said by them and I was quite freaked out by that. "I wanted things to work out but I know that the chance has gone, I have so much to say but everything is so crazy" hear that in one ear and at the very same time you hear "We were hoping for some romance, all we found was more despair. We must talk about our problems. We are in a state of flux" that may not make sense but to me it rang loud and that wasn't the only one there were so many that for a moment I was begining to believe that maybe it was a sign to either forgive or really genuinely listen to what she had to say and I listened intently, heck I was open wide. The silences weren't because I had nothing to say but because there was just so much and to try catch flying words in your head and lay them down in order at that time was so hard, I would've preferred to train lions to survive off nuts...

Today I have no choice but to face the day again and Im the least bit keen to do so, I would happily leave my brain under my bed for a while and go around in a zombie like state just to have a clear head for a moment.

"I never told you cuz I dont tell anyone these things I just let them speak about theirs" and then the song speaks your words for you "You should've asked me then, I would had been brave. You should've asked me for, how could I say no?". "I wanted to when we were on the jungle gym" and you get "I should've kissed you by water". There was also "I hate feeling this way" and they sing in my other ear "Who said unbroken happiness is a bore? Is a bore? Who said it my love? I dont mind it, anymore, anymore"

There were just so many and I cant remember them word for word but if I could I would've kept a little record of it all just to relive that moment. Now I've just given up my half hours worth of sleep writing this post and the day looms ahead... Joy

The white elephant in the room that no one will speak of...

Ah Billy Talent was really good I won't lie even I had a brilliant time

They played the perfect mix of old and new songs like I hoped they would and it just tickled me silly with glee

We knew that the first moment of contact would be awkward and I guess it was to a point but other than that I wasn't bothered too much. The only thing that offended me thick tho was when my Ben friend claimed "you're only standing here cuz you wanna see her" honest to Steve I had not planned anything like that I just found the perfect spot and I wasn't going to give it up for crap, to think I had somehow premeditated where I would stand with the perfect view so that my eye trajectory was of optimal level was a proper what the he'll moment...

Eish trying to sleep was another superhuman effort, the music was not my best friend at all but it had to say what it had to say whether I would listen or not

Other than that I had a machine time jamming with Scunthorpe, Winetlord, my Ben friend and dorkfacedkiller...

If I could I would...

The draw of sleep has never had a firm grasp on me before, it's not like I don't spend enough time in a state of sleep that it would miss me this much and not want to let me go but if I could I would sleep all the time

As a reasonably normal person I enjoy having dreams and lately each time I woke up my dreams would vanish like little phantoms but then you get that dream that's so blurred between the lines of reality and whatever they call being asleep and it just sticks there or at least I think it's stuck there but then again I could be playing back actual moments in my head

That first little moment of greeting should be fun cuz that's where I'll know if things change or stat the same, I'm holding onto change...

Comatose life overdose...

Wow my brain hasn't been this fried in ages. Spent the last chunk of my lifetime helping Scunthorpe with his project and the sorta discussions that spring up when the mind and soul are at war magic...

The drama that we've all personally gone through alone whilst in the company of others has been in quite something else for all of us. I can honestly say that to be always wondering isn't as fun as the make it out to be on tv.

I don't enjoy my inner state right now but when you have to watch someone else go through something worse than what you are its just as comfortable as being stabbed. Here's an oaf who put his all in his efforts to please the one he cares the most about despite the jeers and leering looks of others, to be as so blind as to not to notice that must really make you a proper pillock I'm sorry

When you're under the influence of potent dog farts you appreciate those little moments of success, be it writing words correctly for the third time without gagging or something else I can't think up right now

Spoke to Kirby today and shame man she's really trying to sell me on the idea of total and utter Buddhist forgiveness and I'm not sure if I could ever with stand a request from Kirby, will this time be a bit much? Hell if I can't even think of a mate in a positive light then how the hell am I meant to be a buddhist

All that glitters isn't always gold...

It's not always easy starting these things because trying to put a bunch of jumbled words into sensible order is nearly as tolling as trying to manhandle a cow up a staircase. When everyone suddenly becomes worked up by things they can't control like the emotions and thoughts of others then you know you have a problem...

I may be wrong and i really wouldn't mind being wrong on this one but if my dear Ben friend has fallen into ways that only humans understand like the pulling grips of emotion then even I have to worry, if he can fall victim to things like that then what does that say about. The rest of us. Personally I've decided that if I can only just emulate a tiny bit of his level headedness in things that require emotions then I would be sorted, I wouldn't be in a situation where I made complete fool of myself for trusting unquestioningly.

Something that grinds my gears is when people knowing fully well that as human we like to appreciate things, go out and make a point of getting something nice and then freaking out when someone admires it. If I had a hot girlfriend I wouldn't feel bad or intimidated if someone were to tell that they thought she was hot. You buy a frikin Bentley then catch a rage when someone compliments it? It's that sorta attitude that puts people in a bad light and I understand that its something expensive but before you get too big for your boots just remember, it's a VW Phaeton with the glitter of fake high performance and opulence, not much separates you from the man who drives a taureg...

The things we enjoy change with time

Ah that was a good night... Watchin how we all flail around is rather funny

Would've loved to win the world cup last night but then I came across a sleeping person, it's funny how when we sleep we seem so innocent

This week should be good if it goes exactly like I think it will, lots of awkwardness to come but im glad that all of it happened. Haven't laughed at a girl being so open with me, that was so cute and even though things change they all seem to kinda stay the same

That little apology message I wrote you last night was a bit of a mistake, had I'd proof read it I would know that I'm in no mood to be the all forgiving party again it's really overrated but I'll play the hypocrite in a court of saints, rather keep the peace. I still won't forget but in time it'll fade into the recesses of my mind and being civil without having to try might just be possible...

Living in a den of thieves

Poker was fun even tho I got over it but downo and winetlord owe me cash so I'm sorted, Regina is singing to us and my Ben friend is chill in by my side, my Ben Friend is choonin Lord Farkward which is funny

Spoke to my bitch and she said things that melt my heart sometimes I wonder why we broke up really...

I knew poker would be fun and it's awesome chill in with mates in such a chilled setting, it's like fighting eejits in your own setting of middle earth, whatup scunthorpe you'll get that one

Let's all be chilled and make the most of the time given cuz time waits for no man, but you?

Hide your ass...

Red wine success...

Rather good day even tho I had enough on my plate to keep me fed for years...

Hopefully now things are back to what can be considered as reasonably normal because that's all I want

Red wine is the worst thing to drink really I would've preferred to chug balsamic vinegar with gashed lips. Little boy was rather entertain, felt good to feel like a children again, it's good to know little 12 year olds

Will be good to win the poker today I need somethin to sustain this high. It's good to know that your bitch still cares even tho she's with a model and your thoughts still have the same effects on her they had from the start

The morning after has never held such promise...

The morning after has never held such promise yet hung with such dread. I've been told too many times that if I let things go the way they are it"ll hurt in the long run but let it really cuz im not gonna bend over for the will of others...

Hoping for a good day with lots of jovial occurences that'll make it all worth the 24 hours of effort and pain. My Ben friend told me the greatest truth when he said, "Think about it, if everything went perfectly you and her would be one of those couples we hate"

Still thankful for Scunthorpe saving my life cuz the week ahead will be even tougher than before but I can manage...

Whatup most meaningless phone coversation of my life, Im sorry I dont posses a magic wand and cant make eveythin better. Because im not gonna cry into my pillow like I did last night I must have no emotion. When the shoe changes foot it doesnt feel right hey?

I have so much to say but I cant because I dont have the answers... Stace was right and I will listen to her eventually but right now let me be human for a change, let me care enough about myself to say what I frikin think...

There goes my happy days....

And here we go...

" In Dubai they're banning it because of the free internet"

Good morning so far, plans in motion for a good day and even Scunthorpe pulled in for an early morning visit.

Do you ever wonder why KFC doesn't make anything with eggs? Kinda puzzling if you think about it really cuz its a chicken joint and yet they dont produce the most simplest and unadulterated version of chicken around...

I would be missing you but you have your 13 year old boytoy to keep you company, first the Trojan Horse, then the cuddling alarm clock and now a boytoy, my life gets harder everyday but imnot complaining

The epilogue to what will come

ah tonight was really good... like I predicted it wasn't a repeat of last time and it was fun hangin out one-on-one with that face.

Unfortunately the "Watch Dog" was a proper rash and had I been in my joyous moods I wouldn't have minded but honestly maturity levels are important and in time if things dont change not a single one of us will want anything to do with that... Lets not bring out the spade for everyone's sake....

Party tomorrow night and if I get cut then it would've been a good night. Putting "smarties and astros" to the test cuz everyone knows when you say that to a girl she just cant help not getting with you, regardless.

First try at heroism

I just created a blog and Ben told me his story but really I don't speak sneeze or upside down polish man.

Youth later which should be interestin seeing what happened last week but I doubt we'll have a repeat.
Week from hell but its chilled now because Scunthorpe has saved my live with our hand to hand transaction