I've just about given up on being happy for the remaining two weeks of the F1 break, not because i miss it so much but because i knew that as soon as the checkered flag was waved i would have the worst time of my life till the opening of the next free practice...
Obviously i didnt think it would be true cuz its frikin stupid to think that something that knows crap all about you, that doesn't even exist as a living being could affect my day to day living but its just so much easier to blame it than accept my rather weird turn of bad luck. Its one thing stubbing your toe but to be kicked in the teeth repeatedly by circumstance does get a bit tiresome.
I didnt imagine today would be any different to the coupla days I've had really knowing that i would be a useless headless chicken who had more on his mind than was necessary. You cant walk the streets of durban with a full head, its like goin swimmin after eating except it actually is life threatening and not somethin your parents tell you to stop you from goin swimmin while they take their nap. I dont know how I'll get through tomorrow with all this new school work thrown on me, its one thing being given an assignment to do but to have 3 dude on the same day and two more big tests just is not fun for anyone...
I stopped for a while to realize how useless i was being when i saw that poor little girl crying, it may be funny hearing people tease her and even tho I've never done it I've laughed, its hard not to laugh at "Arifa how much do you bench?" but today seemed a bit much in my eyes.
I was so amped when Scunthorpe saved my life and it really did help, but just my luck the machine went on the blink and is now frozen and wont work when i need it the most, no wait im a frikin liar liar pants on fire hanging from a telephone wire!
Oh my word i am the most amped alive person around right now, it finally died and sorted its crap out and now i can face you with a level head and enough motivation to pull the plug to the ambiguity, i love that word now i learnt it in my self assessment. It claims that im linguistic, musical and interpersonal and I could agree with the first two but come now, i hate people, now more than ever so its a bit optimistic...
Anyway i was goin on about how i am about to either make a move that'll set me up for disappointment or stress, both have massive positives but i dont wanna dwell on them and have to live with one of the two choices and miss the positives of the other.
So now I take a deep breath and dive really deep...
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