You're only as good as your last game...

So here we are, the aftermath has been seen and although no one knows where to from here I can gladly say that the moments that lead up to this place are quite something.

Its a pity that once say, a highly mediocre, barely noticeable, say uh, team has a good once off spell against say, a brilliant, shining beacon of power, skill and unimaginable excellence, people tend to forget where their place is... Sure we can never expect brilliance to shine out our asses all the time but in those moments we also cant forget just what can happen when things do go well as they always will eventually. Maybe Im giving the biggest ego boosting Bjob but come on, we're world champions for heavens sake. Pity about the draw there, Im sure you'll have a lot to skryf about hmmm??

Here comes the dreaded new year.

People take this time to kinda asses and change themselves. I on the other hand LOVE myself right now, I couldn't be a better me than Im being right now. Sure there are points I could change but I mean screw that crap esse. New Years has been "planned" and I hold fingers that it does not rear up its cursed head of disappointment but actually shines upon us in a favourable light we've only ever heard of in strange visions and dreams of others.

I want to declare a war

Funny how a day which had so much going for it could turn out so frikin crap...

Shmeckles Day, 4 months and a family day rolled into one, disaster shall ensue. Its like having a movie with a superstar cast, it'll bomb out much like Tropic Thunder. We get home and Im given the biggest grilling of my life for something I didnt even do. My parents have this way of taking a whole portion of blame and dumping it on everyone which doesn't solve a single thing and you who've done nothing at all are just as guilty and I was completely fed up, I was ready to get stuck into this argument but they know how I operate, they know how to go round in such a way that makes me rethink about blowing my gasket.

I thought that was the worst of my rotten luck done and I guess I kinda deserved the next bit I mean I didnt so much as provoke the bear when I cancelled those plans. I guess in the eyes of others it could be seen as an excuse to hang out with friends and really maybe any other day it could've been and so I get the animosity and hostility but my word today wasn't the day for it. My thoughts were flying at about a million miles in the wrong direction and thank all that is seen as higher power for my "screw this crap" attitude or I would've really gotten stuck in there and that would've been the wrong place to release all my pent up anger and frustration. Im still quite peeved I wont lie, I may have been rather irrate at one point but this too shall pass.

To add injury to insult, I couldn't even watch the one thing that I was certain would pick up my spirits. All I've been looking forward to today was watching the Chelsea vs Arsenal game and well that clearly didnt happen with the roommates I have. Guess its good that I didnt watch it or else I would've been in an even worse state and this throbbing headache I've gone and picked up hasn't helped matters at all...

Here's to tomorrow being better, the week being a marvel and to a bit of level headedness...

I've been driving, a mid sized car

If all Mondays were like this I'd be a happy person.

Was woken up at half 7 on the dot and got told to get ready, for what I didnt know. At about 10 all were ready and we set out on a journey. Spent the day in the midlands which wasn't so bad, they seem to have nice food and Im sure they have nice animals as well.
My dad deposited the family at the zoo and then we went driving.

I've done alot of proper driving lately with the father now on leave but today was much better. I dont have a heavy right foot, its just big so its a bit of a challenge to keep at a constant speed when the road is open and the bends allow you to take them from behind at atleast 100. I had my Stig moment of some lovely wheelspin. The smell of tyre smoke is actually quite nice, its sweet and sickly, kinda like burning human flesh, it tickles the nose and you can almost taste it and you just cant help taking another whiff.

I've decided that my happy place is actually behind the wheel. I've always known this to be true but I am officially admitting it, grinning like an eejit doesn't come often but I swear when you move the earth you feel like you've gone and conquered many nations before you've even set out. You have not lived until you've shifted stick and no one can claim any other experience in life to be better cuz there just isn't. Im going to move to either Davos or Stelvio and drive that pass everyday in a Lamborghini or maybe even Godzilla for the rest of my life, I dont care about food, water, women or anything else that doesn't really make much sense. There just isn't anything out there that is better than the joys offered by the Gods of Automotives.

its that time again

Its funny really, so much hype put behind this day and here it is facing us.

I woke up this morning just like every other day, crap dream, same morning dilemma, same need to piss and a bunch of plates at the foot of my bed?

The children have done their present haul, a whole bunch of games which arent to my taste mainly cuz I was off the list. Im quite amped they listened to a point, sure its not gonna be a quiet day but at least we'll be with the grand mother who im very impartial of, nice little old lady that. The headphones do me well but another coupla months wouldn't have been so bad. Haha my dear mother just walked in and Jack was going through his 'belville shit'.

After seeing an artist live you notice their little tweaks of their songs. When I listen to Oxymoron I sing Greg's version and now with Jack I have a new respect for some of his songs. Like once You've gone and seen that there is another better way to do things then it becomes second nature to do them that way.

I dont know if there's meant to be an air of expectancy around today, am I meant to wish a billion people a Merry Christmas, Im not sure but this here will be me using my initiative and saying Happy Merry Christmas and such lovely things that go along those lines, much to be thankful for. The friends, the wonderful friends.. The family, the faulty but functional family. The fact of still being alive, its chilled that we're still alive. The things we give and recieve, ah all that jazz we appreciate and sometimes take for granted.

This is a story I like

I just read one of my previous posts, the one month one and I love that little Lewis Hamilton quote I have there.

This is my longest relationship to date, the previous one being 3 months and 17 days. This one is nudging 4 months which isn't long in fairy speak or the world of the ideal person but in my land of minimal effort and constant complaining, its a hell of a long time. If I didnt complain so much I honestly doubt it would be the same. I doubt I would like it so much, it wouldn't mean that much if I crooned about how fantastic life is in a bed of roses, it wouldn't mean anything to me if I wasn't real.

This one here is different. I remember about April I think it was, I decided that the next relationship I had would have more meaning to it than any before and possibly any that would come within a year after it. Its draining. I've never ever liked being the random who has a girlfriend while everyone is on their own mission. I didnt like feeling like i couldn't make the eyes at anyone else.

I remember one morning I woke up and I'd completely forgotten I had a girlfriend and I checked my phone and I had a message along the lines of "Babe what we doing today" and I was like wtf who is this person calling me babes and asking what im doing today, with them as well cuz my phone didnt show the names of the people who texted me and I spent at least 7 minutes trying to work out who this person is, after a while it all came back to me and I made a conscious decision to hook up with this girl cuz how dare she confuse me and expect to walk away as free as birth, ha.

Thats the nice thing about being with someone. You kinda click that out there is some random you found who is directly linked to your set of emotions, some strange cat who makes you hate listening to love songs cuz all they talk about is the two of you and that silly eejit who makes you watch stupid programs when you're alone because they mentioned it to you once and you're like why the hell am I watching this crap seriously no one will believe that wearing a blonde wig suddenly makes you a completely different person and a superstar, its plain to see that you're still the same person frikin hell this program is for satan. Thats why I like being the random who has a girlfriend. I like how it feels strange to make the eyes at someone and thats why I like Lewis' words cuz they still ring true. For the first time in my life I was proud to have a girlfriend when he kissed Nicole before he got into his car, I was like "Hmmm I have one of those, damnit I miss her".

"Hypocrisy", you're not being straight with me

Today was fantastic. Brilliant start to a day that was good besides this really annoying headache that I've had since who knows when.

When I woke up this morning I wasn't expecting such a wonderful start to the day. I was confronted by Cheese on something I had used as my status, Im amped she knew straight away who and what it was about cuz it just saved a whole load of effort I really didnt feel like going through. What I noticed is this thing that she does where everything becomes "its my fault, I understand. I just dont know what to say". Saying that doesn't make anything better or disappear, what you're actually saying is "I take responsibility for my actions, hence I did them but I just dont care enough to go and work out a solution but I'll leave it to you", thats a huge middle finger to the face of anyone ever involved with a person who does that cuz you know that nothing is being resolved but Im amped because now it just makes everything else so much more interesting...

Another trend I've picked up is this whole thing about selling yourself out short. I had a very interesting conversation with a girl who claimed to be of minimal value to anyone but wouldn't say so because its not right, its not what people should do but here it is happening and I was saying thats not true because obviously we all have value to someone and this was a pointless conversation cuz she was kinda being a hypocrit but then I thought about it and is that such a bad thing?

Obviously its no good not being straight with yourself and others but to me anyway, it boils down to your current truth at the time. Perfect example: I wanted a Blackberry for a long time because it has a really fantastic keypad and blogging would be a dream but then I came to realize how much of a hassle they can be and have this annoying habit of becoming a nuisance and i slate them whatever chance I get but yet I still would have one. Some may say that is me being a hypocrit but I see it as me going by my own truth at this present time which is they're annoying.

What grinds my gears though is this whole pointing out of these facts. Sure its fun to be seen as a hero but we all have our faults, I was just calling someone else a hypocrit when I myself am one too so where is the point where one is right and the other is wrong? Im a hypocrit and I have every right to be, so what, it works for me so as you said my dear, "Its not how you preceive the others, its how you see yourself".

Claimers are annoy

Tonight has been rather splendid. Chilled wuth the mates, made fun with the giff and others...

I dont like it when things are claimed though. So apparently again I was macking hoes but the funny thing is, I was just havin a dimck with a mate who just happens to be a girl. I have a certain respect for girls and mates and there is a line that you dont cross and thankfully I havent crossed it so I was annoyed when the Gay claimed such things. Im a nice boy by the way, I am somewhat respectable when I choose to be and I can wipe my own bum so lets just chill with the claims.

Dear Bugborn.

Thank you for getting us in trouble for no reason. We dont go around kicking peoples dogs so you can tell your FatBint mates to chill on the aqusations and just go to bed. We have no beef with dogs and dont go around kicking them in the face so its chilled.

Come around more often when you aren't a queer and we can be mates...

Pants on the ground

The greatest moments in life are those that dont involve pants.

Im not talkina about fully taking them off, its acceptable to have them around your ankles or by your knees, it still counts. When I take a whizz I dont push my pants to my ankles, they kinda just chill halfway abouve my knee or at the knee. Its actually the same when I take the kids to swimming, the only difference being that Im sitting. Ask anyone in the worrrld and they'll tell you that there is no greater pleasure than taking a poo. It ahs been established that girls aren't turned on by scars anymore because this generation is filled with play stationers and nuclear bombists and no soldiers, secrectly girls have brains but wont admit it cuz they think we want the blonde dumbo's from the 90's and no sexual act could ever compare to any supercar but I beg deny that taking a crap isn't fun...

Show me someone who hates taking a dump and I will show you a liar. Really there is this sorta strong feeling of happiness and acheivement when you squeeze through a green torpedo and that feeling of disappointment when you splatter a hail of poo on the bowl like a shotgun. Its never boring cuz you dono what you'll push out, its free, its not a mass participation thing unless you're strange and the build up to it is even enjoyable cuz we also love eating. I need to check out my toilet count sometime soon but I can say right now that each and very one jotted down was flipping nice.

I've decided that nothing else will be as constant as the joys and laughs poo has brought us, whether it be from conversation, images, toys, hobos and other things. We thank you old friend, from the begining of humanity to now.

A thousand thoughts captured in one night...

Last night was interesting to say the least...

Two parties in one night that were such extreme polar opposites that it is actually quite strange considering the first one as one instead of just a gathering of bints. So during the space of the night with all the last minute planning and the sneaking in and the throwing of glow sticks, one thing was happening in the background that ended up making me write down how i felt on that state before it vanished and never maded on my rant spot.

First Thought.

So here I am lying here listening to Greg and his music is making unbelievable sense. I feel at ease, like I'm one with who I really am, haven't felt like this in a long time. We had a tiff today, I'm over these moments of uneasiness  really they annoy me. Listening Zephyrus  right now and this song was always one I associated with someone else but it makes more sense to put it to you right now. I know I've been difficult. One thing I learnt from my dad was to "Let them falter and see how they go about redeeming themselves". I know how I am emotionally inside. If I say I feel something then there is obviously truth behind it or else I wouldn't say it. I know how I feel I don't need it to be decided for me by a jury of people, I will put it up to people sure but at the end of the day the final say is mine and I know how i shall bear each decision because I've already thought that through.

Second Thought.

Ion Square still has the same effect on me as the very first time I listened to it. Every word it says I mean whole heartedly. Sure I mean I'm not gonna slit my wrists or go jump off a cliff should something drastic happen but that doesn't change the way I feel now, it doesn't change how I regard you and always have. Take a listen to it and see exactly how I feel... "Intimacy is a brilliant album, it chronicles a relationship from its birth, those moments of rebellious abandon, the highs of it, the dying spark and to top it off, the death of the girl so brilliantly that I do swear the album was written for me. Everything in it has such a strong meaning of which I have a strong affiliation which is weird. Last night was a good party. Had two good opportunities to just forget everything but it just didn't happen. Its not where I want to be right now and I could care less for what is said but at the end of the day I know I am a better person for the actions I took than anyone could ever say to me, at the end of the day my happiness comes first right?

I wish they listened when I said tell me

Back to the street, back to the place, back to the room where it all began. Here I am sitting in front of Alimundi's computer where I first started My Blog. I remember that night I got killed and eaten for supporting a friend only to be side swiped the following weekend after the grilling I got but it seems it all doesnt end there...

It's bad for me to draw up my own conclusions, I've left many a person because of that. I never forget, I just let it slide. It never leaves my head, its always been lodged in my head and I love finding out more about something I thought was dead. I know what went down, I know that to every occurence there are two sides to the story and having found out the side I've been wanting to find out, I dont see why I wasnt told. I dont see why it was such a big deal, that we have to regard things so hush hush. Without getting into everything because its somewhat annoying, I understand the need to feel wanted, some people depend on that, I just dont the see the point of being so disclosed about it. Dont get me wrong I have moved on from all that crap, I've used up all that emotion which I am actually quite certain is why I dont get bothered by those things, Im just peeved that to find out what I already knew, I had to do it myself...

Possibly the best post I've written on a computer before, think Im taking this one home with me.

People say...

Some say that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears' head, others say he once punched a horse to the ground...

How many times has someone said to you, "People said this and this and this to me about that and such". Have you ever wondered who those "People" are? Many times I've been told many random and incriminating things by someone and the always claimed they heard it from "People".

Back in grade 7 it was, if you gave a fact or something during class and said, "They say that..." Bearded Teacher would always ask who this "They" are because what really is the point of being told something if you have no face or name to put to it? This thought me that you gotta get some sorta identity or it holds no value.  You might as well be speaking out your ass. In my experience as a children I remember back in the day there was an incident where it was said to me, "People say they dont like so and so" but really that was just code for "I dont like so and so"

I dont believe in "People or They"

Now days when this "People" crops up I've learnt to find an identity behind them and if no one will give me one then there are two possibilities, either you're you're speaking out your ass, or you're speaking out your ass.

Here I am giggling

Sometimes we get annoyed when we speak and no one listens to what we say but sometimes its just the greatest thing...

Sitting here reading this thing that has words written on it and Im busy tingling. I love being a nosy bastard, I love hearing peoples thoughts, I love reading so when you mix those things then I am as happy as a pedo outside a play school. Come to think of it, this here shall be very interesting to follow...

Going to see our mate Jack and now I can say Im excited. I love music and such but if given the chance to see a band whose latest stuff I havent experienced then the experence just isn't the same. I didnt see Z&G because I didnt have their latest album and now I feel that I am ready to take them on just as I feel I am ready to take on Jack.

I lost my copy of "How To Be A Good Boyfriend For Dummies"

So if we look back to say about 3 months ago I think it is, the similarities are astounding. I find it funny because really all we do is just repeat events. Back then I was being killed and eaten for liking someone and now Im being killed and eaten for  not doing it to the set standards? I dont do the whole "pictures of us making out on myFace" or being attached at the hip and such things. Its been a while since the WD was a proper little Jack Russel, I knew it would come but I was enjoying the moments of quiet. I dont see why she has to act up, it gives away more than she understands. When you have alteria motives then at leaast do so in a quiet way really, I've played these games for much longer than Im willing to admit..

So the story goes that I fail at caring, I dont show to everyone what I show to my girlfriend which is fine cuz Im not dating everyone so whats the point?
It seems that I cant follow the rules of being a text book boyfriend, I cant show my emotions in lavender scented heart stickers, I dont carve the name of my lover onto my chest with a razor, I haven't made a huge scrapbook containing every movie ticket and photo and till slip of everything we've ever done together. I refuse to change how I conduct myself in my relationships. I've never made it a public affair, I've never been concerned with making those not involved happy in anyway and I dont see why I should. I am not perfect, Im frikin imperfect by todays standards but I like how I do it, I like that I dont have to spend every waking hour bombarding my girlfriend in lovey text messages.

Im not saying I dont do anything remotely boyfriend like because I do, I wll tell my girlfriend I love her when I feel the need just to put it out there for her so she doesnt think that I am some kinda strange being, I like it. I like how she knows just how much she means to me, how when shes around she makes me happy in many ways that someone else who is not in that situation just wouldnt get, its funny.

There is music on but who else is here? (Restated in a way that gives a certain understanding)

There"s just some things that happen that make no sense at all but ahh when that happens you just like, "Well that was gonna come anyway"

The problem with being an individual as I've always noticed is actually proving yourself to being one thus actually being exactly the same as everyone else and when that happens then what is the point? I mean really all you do is just try find a common ground where safety I guess is all you search for, where impartiality is what makes you feel somewhat pointful and when those motives are questioned then what? Don't get me wrong, I do love the moments of just re-finding yourself and every word was a slap to the face that I accepted full on, I embraced what is there for what it is and for something that when thought up again shall be something that brings the "Silent Smile" to my face. You know that smile you get when you realize that you are the only one that knows this truth that has either been spoken to you or said to you and you just know that this is where you lie, its honestly the best place to be.

Its pointless to lie to a person that can see right through you, I have a sort of understanding that brings something to the fore of my mind to a point where something were to happen, its already played in my mind so there is no point in keeping it from a me. I get that it has happened,it is of no consequence to me and it shall have no implications as long as it is said to me in the given time right?

Coldplay did nothing to help a situation, I thought Bloc Party were the band to really break a person but Chris Martin and his mates can really do damage. At the end of the day we are tight knit to a point where knitting becomes infantile...

The trouble with aging

You know how so many grown ups claim that kids now days are growing stranger and they never can understand what it is they're talking about? Well that's their fault.

Being the genius I am, I've worked it out that when we are born, we a are given a set list of topics we will speak about through out life. We all start off in the same ways, we'll discuss something until its had holes ripped into it and then we get something new to talk about,  kinda like chewing the same piece of gum over and over.

Little kids always speak about fairies and unicorns and imaginary friends, then you get those self proclaimed "pre-teens" who are obsessed with all form of gadgets, normal teenagers who are all on drugs, those twenty something people who only talk about making it, those in their thirties wondering why they still haven't made it and in your forties you finally realize that it was because all you ever did as a youngster was park off on drugs and this goes on until at the age of 80, the only thing left to talk about is knitting. Thats why all the cool old people are the ones that conserved their topics and spoke about cough drops and hip replacements at age 14 so that they could sit around with kids now and speak about nothing of any vague interest.

I know my group of friends, we've gone past that stage of baby stuff, gadgets don't phase us but instead of being normal and going on about heroin and tiggeryumyums, we spend endless hours speaking about poo.

That was interesting more than anything else

Ah last night was good...

I've been needing to just resign myself to senseless fun, proper stuff where you aren't foolish but are open. Party was really good. You can never judge an evening in the first coupla hours or else you've just gone and sentenced yourself to an early grave. I've been wanting to do go to a party without the girlfriend for once, just to see where I stand. If I can go and behave then Im doing well, if I cant then its pointless and I shouldn't be there. I spent a large portion of the night with girls, many of them in a very strange state and not once did I succumb to their seducing ways, not to stroke my own ego but I was quite chuffed with that. Shame I missed my girlfriend tho it kinda sucked.

Poor Scunt was bombarded by the TBEU (Tyler Bennewith Ex's Union), honestly if I had ex's who came out in packs to ruin my life I'd be like "Hey you stupid girls, stop being stupid and go make me some pie".

I spent at least half an hour speaking to Chris The DJ who told me the same story a minimum of 5 times. Poor little Downo being prodded in the tonsils by cliff faced girls, Pubes leaving the party completely, Ou's having search parties called for them, some making a proper effort to take pictures for the first time, a tripod of Blitzes, broken disabled toilets which I can gladly say I fixed, mainly cuz I broke it trying to fix it the first time and many fat bints with issues. I liked it and thats how every party should be.

I remember when...(Cue flashback)

I was speaking to FOTM tonight, I still feel cool speaking to people who are out of the country on mxit.

We dated for 6 months. That really blows my mind, what did I know back then to make that sorta achievement and that was just the first time, I dont know how long the other 6 times lasted. It wasn't flowers, rainbows and unicorns. I probably learnt everything I know now from that relationship, how to deal with her annoying friends, how to work on my jealousy, how to not take everything seriously and how to enjoy the small moments. She's in my top 3 girlfriends on merit that she wasn't paid to go out with me, (hey school kids are useless, paying each other to go out with someone so they can hang with the cool crowd, I still haven't forgotten that but I rate its crap, that doll wanted me, who could resist my chubby charm back then?) above Miss Black because she likes to be mean to me and its obvious who sits securely at the top right.

Was speaking to Alimundi and I was like "Ay bra wat sé jy?!" and he was like "Pieler" and I was too keen, I thought this is it bra Im doing it but then Jack came on and he said "Jack Parow bra, ek is nie bang nie", maybe that was just me chickening out but I was like you know what, if Jack Parow is not scared then why should I be. Im not gonna be rash and firstly go back on my word and I wont go back on my morals and I sure as hell wont put my feelings at risk. I've learnt that if you live on what could've been then you aren't gonna get far in life and Im already here so all I wanna do is go forwards. Clearly I've proven that I am a good person, being in control of what I do and my thoughts. Im not gonna catch BS and die, not just yet anyway. Im still smiling when I step into my McLaren.

Anyway Jack had a girlfriend who he took to the Spur on his bicycle anyway...

We finally met...

I met Godzilla today, its still kinda registering, my favourite supercar and I was in it. I've seen it a coupla times on the freeway, I remember shedding a quiet tear when I first saw it.

I guess my moping was getting a bit much, my dad organized for me to go see it. I remember walking to the doors of the dealership and I was smiling like a fool. You know when you see someone you really like and you lengthen your strides and smile stupidly and get all filled with anticipation? I've only ever really done that once before so today I could really enjoy that moment but it was on a whole different level.

We got inside and I was just in my element. I was just too happy to be around that beast and then my dad said he was going cuz he had a flight to catch and so I thought well at least I saw it, all he said was find out all you can, give my details and poof he was gone.

Then they said I was gonna be taken for a drive. You know when you're content with just having something happen that you cant imagine it being any better and then you get told something that just floors you. I got into that thing, and the guy asked me what I wanted and I said hey buddy its up to you I've had my fun. Putting that seat belt on pretty much sealed my fate. We had the usual chat about the specs and such things, things I already knew but you gotta check to see if they know what they're going on about. Many dealers have missed a sale with my dad because they didnt know what they were talking about and when he makes a phone call and his son knows more than what you know about what you're selling, you know you've just lost out on a deal.

Driving in my favourite supercar is something thats so hard to explain. Its like waking up to realize that its christmas, your birthday, channukah, every single public holiday and school holiday pushed into one. I've never been so happy before, those 3.8 seconds to 100 were magic. Haha ah I used to think I'd felt what rapid acceleration was, forget anything you've ever felt ever in your life before because that compared to this, is like trying literally to compare a candle to a monkey. My stomach was wrapped around the bottom of my spine and my eyes had moved to the side of my head, I was honestly punched into the back of my seat and then some asshole cut in front of us and I've never felt such braking, Im pretty sure I felt every single meal I've ever eaten in my whole life being summoned up and all of this done in the wet is just phenomenal.

So my new mate Wilhelm tells me that these beasts in S.A come with 370kw of power, thats about the same kinda power Hitler had and it turned him into a madman. Nothing I've done has ever made me that happy, knowing that after 3 years of reading, searchin, joinin forums and signing petitions, it all led up to this beast being unleashed on our little docile country and I being given the chance to experience it, frikin amazing...

After today really I am willing to forgo food, water, electricity, a bed and girls just to have that thing in my life...

Othello by any other name

There's always some sort of reaction I get when people find out who Im dating, not necessarily who but her skin colour.

Its always "Whats her name? Ok cool, is she black?". The reaction after that isn't always so predictable. Its either I get a high 5, a shake of the hand, a huge band with dancing girls and brazilian fire-eaters or one of those looks that you kinda give to a dying dog after its been hit by a train, the poor thing didnt know what it was doing and before it knew it, death was calling, why did it go out when it had everything it wanted at home?

I dont get why its such a huge deal. If I happen to be with a white doll at the time some people see it as an achievement of sorts. If I was dating a bear or a crocodile or a car then I would understand, then I would be doing something huge that deserves a reputation. Just recently a bunch of girls got all aggro with me claiming they were obviously not good enough because they were black, you weren't good enough cuz you are haggard and annoy me, thats the end of it.

What I have noticed tho is that none of the black girls I've dated seem to have a very strong black name. There was Kayleigh Black who was black funny enough, there was Cindy, there was Amy, there was Minnie and granted her name is Minenhle but no one calls her that, all the Minenhle's I know are called Mini, its like an unwritten rule of the world, strange cats...

The one time my uncle once said if I married a white doll he would disown me, that would be funny because firstly im not getting married and I sure as hell am not getting married for his sake. My dad probably wouldn't care, he'd probably be like ok well thats nice. My mom would be interesting. She'd be amped that I've found someone else to feed me but there is always the case of is any girl good enough for her son. I guess with any interracial relationship there is always the stigma of whether or not keeping with your own kind isn't the right thing to do. Personally I dont give a crap, I've been through that and dealt with what comes of it and the only thing that I can say has phased me is whether or not my family would accept me marrying a crocodile, that would be interesting.

Childhood dreams were a shambles

I remember my first encounter with the tooth fairy. I was in grade 1 and on the first night the stupid slag didnt rock up so I was pretty bleak, I hadn't told anyone I'd lost a tooth but I didnt think that was so important. On the second night tho I remember I scored a whole 12 bucks. Back in those days you could buy chappies for 10c I remember I spent a huge portion of my money on that. I only ever did the tooth thing once, I dont know why but after the first time it kinda lost its shine.

I remember my first encounter with Santa. I did the whole sitting on his lap and I got a remote controlled car and everything, I was amped but after that I remember how it didnt make sense because we didnt have a fire place so how did he rock up?

I didnt believe in the Easter Bunny. That I found hard to believe, how did a rabbit somehow create chocolate eggs?

Something I believed for a frikin long time tho I still remember was when my mom used to tell me that every christmas in the morning, the sun would dance and change colour. Thinking back now I can see that it was just a ploy to get us all up early so we could make the sunday service, I haven't been to one of those in about 4 years now? I remember trying to stay up all night one year and that would fail so I would try wake up early the next year and that would fail and the one time I actually pulled off waking up before the sun came up and I scoped it out and nothing happened, I was like wtf but my mom said that each time I wasn't looking it was actually doing it so for a few years after that I would keep trying. Now tho obviously I've come to realize that adults are all mean twisted liars who tell us this stuff, not because its fun for the children or anything but because we're only gonna get screwed over in the real world so why not taste disappointment at an early age. Thats why we get so gutted when we realize Santa isn't real and that the tooth fairy is a bunch of lies, I was never fond of the notion of it being a mouse tho because even as a child I had a huge thing against the minions of satan. If I ever have kids Im going to tell them heavy made up stories so everyone laughs at them and in turn they become better people and see fit to take over the world.

A fad is something that fades, a fetish lasts forever

Was just watching the "Tussen Stasies" video and its all serious and Jack and his mates know their jackets.

A coupla years back I learnt the word fetish and its always sounded weird but it works. It sounds like you're saying fatish which loosely could mean alot and a fetish I guess is over doing something. My latest fetish is now jackets. I once had a thing for phones, games, marbles, boxer shorts, headphones, at one point I was crazy over desk fans and now Im all about jackets.

Its strange because I'll go out and usually I dont give a crap about what people wear and what I see in shops but there was that one day where I had a free and I went to Edgars and came across the father of all jackets, it was like a 5 in one. It had the lapels that get me going, it had zips and buttons and two layers and was a hoodie all at the same time, I spent at least 2 weeks deciding whether I should give into its alluring charm and after going there everyday just to look at it I decided that I would finally get it and on the day I was ready they had cleared all their winter stock and my world was shattered... I've really chosen the wrong season to get into warm clothes, I sit there watching what people wear, wondering what practical use each jacket would have. Some are for partying, some are for day to day uses, some are for things like youth, some are for messing around, some are for going out on the pull, so many different things you can do with them really it boggles my mind.

I've come to the conclusion that I am not crazy for wanting jackets in summer because really it gets cold at night and everyone knows girls love it when guys offer them their warm clothes because they were too stupid to wear human clothes and pulled their outfit out of their old barbie doll house.

What a brilliant start to the day

Im super amped!

I just downloaded Voor Ons Stof Word by Van Coke Kartel and its sounds so good, for the first time in a long time mxit gave me a legit sounding download unlike that stupid thing they gave me which they claimed was Shout by Tears for Fears but it just sounded like some bored constipated teens with nothing better to do. In fact instead of sleeping I now feel like staying up late reading a book. Ah im too amped

At the end of the day its only a molehill

Its been said that your own truth is always going to be the one thats most correct to you so no matter what anyone else says, because its your thoughts and views that automatically makes the right and everything said by everyone else to be wrong. The same Im sure applies to the problems we face. Because they're what we see right before us we think that they are the very worst things to hit us and we start blaming everyone from ourselves all the way to God as if that'll do us any good.

Somewhere out there millions of people are starving and dying and are being killed and eaten but because its not what Im faced with, it is not my biggest concern right now. Instead of donating everything I own, including the clothes off my back, to a hospice I am too busy worried about what I've done, where Im going, how much time I've spent, if Im actually going in the right direction, all silly trivial things when you stop to think that at the end of the day sure these things are important to me but its not the end of the world. I have not died because I have to repeat another year at school. Im not dodging bombs because I had a slight fall out with my girlfriend. Im not going to have my hand chopped off because my dog is possibly dead by now, shame I think he's lived for quite a while now he's bound to die anytime soon.

All of these things may be blowing my mind wide open but come now, so what if I repeat next year, I haven't had the most normal schooling record anyway, this is just another adventure to live through and forget. So what if we had what I think to be our first little fight, all relationships are strange, they're far fetched but do-able. So what if my dog dies, he was my mate but he's faced worse, he probably wont even die the useless, two cars weren't enough so why should old age be any different.

Chill kwagg...

She likes me. She loves me

Girls are stupid.

Ok shame thats a bit harsh, we as children are stupid. So I was speaking to this one person, a girl, and she was saying how even tho she's in a happy relationship she just cant help being confused because some guy has now showed interest in her and that got me thinking quite a bit. I remember back in the old days in like grade 6 when relationships were still new and people actually dated for longer than they do now, nothing was serious, we were scared to hold hands, hugging in the first week of being official was just pushing your luck and the one thing that was a huge blemish on all this cute little perfection was how girls mostly, got so confused when someone other than their boyfriend said they liked them. I remember on numerous occasions I would be told by a few of this naive little cherubs that they didnt know if their relationships would last because so and so said they thought they looked good on the outing and once she broke up with whats his face then he would like a shot. Thats actually how most of the things worked back then it was funny and I too fell victim to the confused cherub syndrome. My FOTM of was it 5 or 6 months left me because someone had said sweet words to her and so ended our sweet little thing, I was shattered, I even remember trying to cry that night in bed cuz I heard thats what happens after a break up and even tho it failed dismally, I still felt like I had achieved something emotionally.

Anyway back to the story at hand. So this child tells me her dilemma and honestly in my head I am screaming and shooting huge full blown daggers at her. How stupid can one be, if you claim to worship the gas that comes out of your lovers body then why are you all flumoxed all of a sudden by someone saying you looked pretty the other day. I just wanted to grab this poor child by the neck and twist it till her head exploded and she saw daylight as it is. I was never a fan of that kinda stupidity back in the olden days and I cannot stand it now, it is on the list of things that annoy me in fact.

In those situations one must seriously know where their priorities lie. You must not be committed at all to what you say you are if every Tom, Dick and Harry gets you to forget where you stand and what you're all about, its pathetic...

On a completely random and useless note that has nothing to do with anythin, I just realized that now that I think of it, many friends of the girls I dated just couldn't stand me.

Its like a popular trend. Grade 5 with that girl I liked at Tala, her mates couldn't stand me. FOTM's catnip annoying friend could not bare the mere sight of me, oh how many fights did we have... Asian glue girl in grade 7, her hannah montana friends wanted me dead. Its like its some kinda popular trend for me to be hated by these who i now refer to as communists and I am so overjoyed by it. I love the fact that till this day I haven't been concerned by all those things, imagine if I'd tried to be nice to crazy cat lady and if I'd hung out with hannah montana, I would be bending over backwards to keep in the good books of a bunch of twelve year olds right now and no matter how much i like real twelve year olds, they still get confused by people complimenting them on outings.

I know what is worse than death

So many things we fail to notice from day to day, just expecting them to always be there like it was etched in stone that their presence is one of lifes constants.

Toilet paper I've come to realize plays an integral part in human society. People complain about the electricity suddenly going off and they grumble when the water disappears but the silent killer, the one thing we never quite expect to miss is in fact the toilet paper. I am pressed to take a HUGE dump but being as weird as I am, I always check to see if there's enough loo roll before i take the kids to swimming and today there is absolutely nothing in every single bathroom and we dont have those paper towels in the kitchen either so I cant even make a plan. Its tough trying to hold in a poo because every single movement you make kinda pushes your bowels and makes them want to release so now I have to lie down as not to make any sudden movements or I'll crap myself.

The only joy in all this is that there is absolutely no food so i cant eat anything to make my poo tanks full. My mom got a blender a while back and since then every single food item in the house has been blended and turned into some sorta smoothie concoction that sits in the fridge and rots. Its not like you're mean to drink them or anything, they're just there because its the biggest load of fun to watch things get diced into little tiny pieces which make up some sorta crazy juice so now I must wait until the mother returns from her shopping so i can release my tanks and full them all up again with pureéd roast beef and baby back potatoes

52 weeks of waste, the thoughts of an emo kid

I hate everything right now, everything.

Its stupid how we spend a huge amount of our time working our asses off and it only takes one small thing to just throw us off, one thig to take our wheels off the rails and send us crashing into a huge wall of CRAP. This should be a time of my life where I am faced with the excitement of being done with this stupid thing called school, this was meant to be my final year and by my understanding for a really long time it really was. I spent a huge amount of time working my ass off and honestly I wouldn't have minded if I failed by my own doings but to not even be granted the chance to actually be put to the test is just terrible, I would be happier eating razor blades.

Honestly this is about a billion times worse than the time I hated life, at least that had no devastating effect in the long run and that was easily fixable but this is my frikin future stolen from me by stupid people who know nt what they were doing to even start with. I've just sat here this week, mostly in my bed cuz that w]is where all the morbidly depressed sit and kinda staring out the window and watching the rain, headphones are broken, musical jukebox did the same so the silence is not my best friend, it just leaves me with my thoughts and it makes nothing better. Anyway hopefully I'll get outof this rutt,  accept that I have more to do next year and enjoy the last race of the season, the only thing lifting my shattered spirits right now.

A normal post for a change

There should be a brain-to-blog device that lets you post straight from the brain, so many posts would be flying about.

Well last night was a good night. It was fun having fun without the added confidence given by "downers" as was agreed by signing that official statement. People must know that when its time to jam it up we will definately jam it up. My homie Winetlord, the most powerful Power Ranger be jamming it up on the dance floor with killer moves homies neva eva seen ya digg.

I was in this little thought bubble last night that was so weird. There are just some questions you never ask a person. Sure the answer is no big deal because it hold truth behind it and in any circumstance it is ok but I know how these things work, I've been there, I've done that... It is of no concern to me really I couldnt't care less honestly but I was thrown off for a bit, hardly expecting that but then I came to my senses and realized this is all just one big game at the end of the day, the hunter will always hunt for prey whether or not it is in an enclosure, we've all done that. We should all take a page out of the Hamster book.

Swirling shades of blue

Have you ever dropped ink into a glass of Oros or milk?

Its really strange. It floats and gets mixed around in a liquid thread before it mixes in with the rest of the liquid absorbs it and makes it part of what it is. Thoughts kinda work in the same way. There are some thoughts that kinda swirl around in your head as one entity, different from the rest and choosing to stand alone, floating around and fascinating you, not letting go of you and mesmerizing you, making you a slave to what they have to say, screaming louder than anything and you get that silly look on your face like you're retarded when really all you are is just lost in swirling words and then suddenly they just disappear and everything meshes together and you forget what it was that held you for so long.

There is a genius that is missing in today's people, a big chunk of something not there at all. Today has been a good day and hopefully tonight will be as well, not expecting the world to happen tonight but may it not be a farce. Maybe it shall be the night where people prove themselves to be of a standard I agree with or it may just be the reminder that I as a person hate stupid people...

I dont like kites

Im lying in bed and I hear the sound of my door being pried open, its a fairly quiet noise so I let it go but then my little brother goes and ruins it all by making one of the most annoying noises when you're sleeping, he sneezes, twice.

My two requirements for a good nights sleep are total darkness and utter silence. I need those two things to force my mind to drift off otherwise I get agitated and start picking at my brain. I guess it doesn't have to be the darkness of death but a majority of no light must exist and I cannot have the light bulb in my eye sight if its on or I imagine that its trying to burn its way through my eyelids and then I cant sleep no matter what. I dont need mute silence either I do allow the hum of a fan to aid me with going to sleep, sometimes I'll just put it on to have its hummingness as a background noise. But anything else that I didnt put there when I went to sleep or anything that comes about when Im sleeping will annoy the crap outta me, even worse when it ruins a pleasurable sleep.

I guess its just that time of year with school being such a huge boil between the toes that everything has now become annoying. School annoys me, ants annoy me, people annoy me, tv annoys me, string annoys me, babies annoy me, stupid people also annoy me, getting hurt annoys me, frogs late at night annoy me, cars dont annoy me but oh my word sharks frikin annoy me and so do oil rigs and seahorses and colouring in books and beans and sand, pretty much everything annoys me. I also dont like kites they're stupid, they never work and no one actually has one they just kinda pop up outta nowhere in the sky and no one can fly them either...

Ukraine or bust

Ah its beautiful here, the water is blue and clear and ah this is a painted picture in 3-D.

Last night was the worst sleep of my life ooit. I woke up half way through with a lead stomach and contrary to popular belief, water does nothing to help.

We built a raft to carry us to Ukraine, we would've made it if we knew where it was. With Scunthorpe pulling strength out his ass, the rest of us being chased by ants and crocodiles. We didnt make it, we sunk on our first attempt on the water with our log and margate sign raft, clearly something we missed from Bear. We made the effort of collecting huge logs for at least 2 hours only go 2 meters and sink, explode and die.

Saturday night and superfuntimes shall ensue

External voice boxes

Im not afraid of losing my voice...

I've been so sick this whole week it hasn't been pleasurable. Im sure its a rare Bolivian disease that is still unknown to man which you can only get from rare tree snails found in their jungle in the tree canopies. Its ok tho because even tho i cant breathe through my nose and my head aches and now my voice is threatening to leave, im not too worried.

The leaving voice is a new bit which would worry most but not me, i have Alimundi. My ben friend who shall be known as Alimundi does this thing where he will always speak on your behalf no matter what, especially when you have to tell a story. Its usually when we're around girls and he'll remember something you told him once and he'll say to you "weren't you savagely attacked by lions and were left for dead whilst you struggled for seven days in the harsh wilderness with no help and only the guidance of the migrating swallows?" and You'll be like "Ya that did happen" and he'll go "but didnt you find help in the face of the messiah in the watering hole and you kept vigil there for three days and were found?" and You'll nod and say "yes that also happened" and You'll think well what was the point of me being involved there when you've just gone and said the whole story to these girls so i may as well have just sat back there picking my nose and eating it.

So really if my voice goes anymore then I'll just have him come along to say everything for me cuz that way I'll still be involved to some degree.

Whose blueprint do we follow?

We like doing things that everyone has done and we like the things everyone likes and hate the things that everyone hates because it makes us feel safe.

I was thinkin about it the other day, we do need some sorta guidance no matter what we say but when does it start stifling our own personal grownth? Like we all understand our parents say they've gone through everything we're going through which i guess is true but at the same time its a whole lot different. At my age my dad was pretty much the breadwinner, juggling between school, work, family, girls and getting into vicious knife fights all the time. I on the other hand have a whole different set of problems, they may follow the same basic make up but they are completely different. With every new generation things get harder, i know it'll be hard for my kids because its not easy for me. Of course its not the end of the world and my life isn't a huge crap ball its actually pretty good I've been lucky in that respect but everything i face now is obviously gonna be the biggest problem in my life cuz i dont know any better.

Thats why i think to a certain point we need to make our own mistakes, not as a herd of people sharing the same mass produced brain but as individuals. One of the greatest things about being a human is that we can differentiate between what we want and need and then can make a proper informed decision about it, or at least i think so because i haven't seen a dog open the fridge and choose not to jump in and eat everything inside.

"Its Not What It Seems" by Z&G really says it all. Who knew it would make such sense. It speaks truth, i can just imagine two mirrored images of myself, the same person yet of completely different minds. Walking down the path as myself yet in the background the mirrored is there adding his two cents to the point where everyone stops and kinda try take stock of what is being said and done. Sometimes we need that, just to make sure we're still on the right path

Tell me why I dont like Mondays

This whole morning there has been something stabbing at me, like a little thorn stuck in the space between my toes that hurts each time I curl them.

I was fine before we left for school until round about Pav when the whole monday and school scenario kicked in. I get to school and they say we're on study leave which is great I guess, I should've read the notice board cuz that would've saved alot of effort. It just bugs me out how every monday always has something stupid going on that Im always the last to find out about and it ruins my whole life each time ah man this is stupid.

So here I am now sitting outside the computer lab in this dark corner and for now the quiet is really good, I usually sit in this corner when I need sleep. I have Fixtation Girl in my ears, this song was written with me in mind. Who knew Z&G would be so kind to me really.

ALL KYLE DORKIN'S MUST DIE

It takes on average, half an hour to 45 minutes to do a normal drive to Durban but today because of Kyle's mates we must suffer.

Have Kyles mates ever produced or done anythin great for humanity. You may relax on your carbon fibre seats and flick through your fancy Shimano gears while we sit in this miserable heat, while the waves deflate and the hot girls go into hiding.

You who rides your bike everywhere have no mates. You rock up smelling like a pigs crotch full of sweat, out of breath and stained with bugs all over your face. Seriously, cars were invented to get from A to B in the quickest and most convenient way possible so now you must try be clever because you claim you want to be fit but everyone knows Kyle's mates are all bitter eco mentalists. Sunday is the by you go out and drive vintage cars but because you hate everything non self propelled you make a point of having a stupid ride on a day of relaxation.

There is a reason why no motorist will have respect for Kyle's mates, its because you must all go and put your heads under a reversing truck where you belong

For the record...

For the record may it be known that I chose my sleeping place. All the consequences that may follow must rest upon my head as I have chosen this fate knowingly. No one else may be held responsible for my action. Amen.

P.S. Thank you Celeste for a wonderful drive in your japanese hatchaback, it made my night.

There is music on but who else is here?

Today was brilliant...

Spent the day with the GF. So apparently I "seem like a nice biy" and that hosestly is the biggets complement that could be paid to me.

וואס די גענעם איך טאַקע וואַזאַנט יקספּעקטינג וואָס און ים אַמפּעד אָבער ווער ווייסט איך קען ציען עס אַוועק אָדער וואָלט אַפֿילו פּרווון. דארף מען די זויער צעקוועטשן קאָרסינג דורך מיין וועינס טאַקע. ים צופרידן איך געהאלטן מיין קאָפּ און גאָרנישט מער געטראפן אָבער נאָך עס איז געווען סקערי גאָרניט די ווייניקער.

I was told I told I could only get cut when the GF went home so that is exactly what I did, regardless of what she believes I say or mean, thats her baby I couldnt be bothered in the slightest I may care but Im not about to stress over faeces that I cant change so pity but what I said and did I meant so its your baby to nurse, Thank you Brian for that saying right there...

Had a magnificent time tonight and I may not be the most here person right now but I have been placed responsible and people are sleeping or shutting down so my job is pretty much done, let us enjoy the rest of the night right???

When night falls we become something else

I loved today. Sure I wrote easily over 9 hours of exams but that wasnt so bad because in the back of my mind all I really wanted was just to be free.

You ever get that feeling that drives you to do what you have to cuz the rewards on the otherside are just so much better than the suffering and hardship you face now? I wrote knowin that the weekend before me was one where I could finally let loose and greet my mind at the place I left it, the place where it was enjoying itself and now I can resume with it on a new adventure...

This here is a mention about Little Boy so he has to read the rest of my post now...

I saw my girlfriend. Its not such a big deal when its said but I had really given up the notion of seeing her at all for a long time, what with wanting to spend time with mates and wanting to have a proper race weekend. This relationship stuff is alot more fun than people give it credit for but its also frikin hard. I find that Im not one that has a firm grasp on my sanity so this whole thing does get me wondering sometimes. The very last thing anyone wants to do is let down those they care about which is why husbands keep it in thier pants and wives make glorious meals to keep us happy and I am no different. I constantly cross examine myself to the point where no positive shines through because if I suddenly feel Im doin everything right then I know for a fact that Im failing miserably. I dont want to wake up one day and say "I've done everything I set out to" because then what else will I have in this life? If there is any humanoid still dependant on me in some form then it is my duty to make sure that I am not the weak link in the chain, sure that is easier said than done though. Its hard to gauge when to move and when not to because you never know who you may bump into or may offend and its not premeditated or planned it is just pure mistake that cant be helped, its Murphy rearing his unwelcome head. It gets to a point where making any form of movement becomes a carefully planned excursion and now what fun is that?

I give this weekend up to the powers that be, what happens next shall nbe what was intended from the start and shall be greeted with the face of adventure I've come to long for and miss, capre diem...

Fixtation Girl

Haha was today was a bit of a fail, was meant to write an Afrikaans exam but didnt due to a faulty copy machine and who knew a new permit is 30 bucks for what really is a silly pink piece of paper, extortion!

I've been listening to Z&G's album non stop today ah man its amazing. Greg's vocals have always been my favourite in terms of male voices and its no disappointment here. It sounds so great with it being an effort of a proper band and not just one guy, the first album was frikin brilliant and is one of my favourites but this one is made by a full band from scratch and you can hear the difference. I have Fixtation Girl in my ears right now it is the best orgasm you'll ever have, some of these songs remind me alot of HIM who I've been listening to quite a bit lately with their melodic love metal sound.

Back to Fixtation Girl tho, i was just speakin to Winetlord about the age old debate about when it is acceptable to love. Ask me that question 6 months ago and i would've said only when you're 42 but now im not so sure... Now i've probably, hopefully, come to see that its really not as bad as I've made it all out to be. I mean sure some people do go crazy about it and claim to fall in love in a manner of moments but hello we are all different right? I mean this guy may love willingly and this guy may do it on the sly and this one may just have started making statuses about hamsters, we all do these things differently. I've decided to keep my judgment of others to a very minimal level because i would hate to be a hypocrit. Its ok to work your emotions the way you want and are comfortable with, strange lesson I've learnt recently and this song just goes and says it in its own mixed up yet cool way.

This album is like Intimacy but in a darker setting or maybe im just comparing my two favourite bands with no form of understandin but in my ears they wouldn't be lost on each other in terms of theme to a point. The Inside does have a few harder questions within it and Intimacy is a chronicling of the stages of a relationship but in some points they punch at the very same weight.

"hold me, darling. We could be, in love"

The human soul is strange

I like to think im caring sometimes. Sure I dont give money to beggars because I think they either wanna mug me or use it for crack and I dont let people copy from my answer sheets because thats just taking credit for the hard work that I did but sometimes I do faulter...

Ok so this isnt exactly quite like the other examples but its caring none the less. Last night whilst feeling a bit emotionally exposed I couldnt help but over hearing a conversation that was obviously made to be as loud as possible. I wont get into it because there is no point in flogging a dead horse but seriously, was it worth it?

Now I know we all have our varying views and differences but seriously there is a way to go about expressing it in such a way that doesnt make everyone around you think you're a frikin tactless idiot. Its possible to do something to a point where its just over done. This is my blog so the things I write here I have every right to say because it is what I think and if it offends anyone then this is not something you should read and personally I think on average you are a fool.

Here is a cut down dejected wrench of a person, admittedly putting themself through unnecessary pain and hardship which is foolish in itself, and you are making it your solemn duty to make things a lot harder and awkward not just for them but for everyone else around that has to hear your silly infantile rants. I have nothing against a bit of drama and ribbing as long as it doesnt over stay its welcome or its not taken to a point where it becomes an all out one sided battle and on this count it is clearly the latter. It takes alot of courage to go out and face the world after they have condemned you to the gallows and I admire that, I admire that thing in the human soul that forbids us to go and hide in a corner from our troubles and motivates us to go out there and see the world in new eyes, probably one of the few redeeming factors about being human. I've never felt such empathy for someone, I've been on either side of that screen, having your lifehole cut up and being the one inflicting thge pain. Have you ever kicked a dying animal before? It just lies there accepting the attack and you wonder why it just wont give up and die but in the big scheme of thing the wheel is always revolving...

Dont get me wrong here im not condoning one side and putting down the other I have the same low level of regard for both but I just couldnt help squeezing that little girl, sometimes what we need when things get a bit rough is a bit of a squeeze, something I learnt when life became a drama.....

Social etiquette is strange

I think its common knowledge that its polite to greet people but when you're walking in a populated area its kinda hard to go greet everyone one by one so its allowed forw to just carry on walking oblivious to all the other bodies.

So now its all quiet back street stuff and no matter what kinda person you are, whether you're a hoodrat or a jock or a nerd or whatever, if you're in a one on one situation with someone you have to give some form of salutations whether its a nod of the head or a whats up or a flicking of the bird, anything.

So im walkin past this guy and He's all OG Whiteboy in his baggy school pants and cowboy walk, that walk is actually used to keep the pants up regardless of the belt thats there. So im walking towards homie and i do a quick assessment. Im positive he does the same as he comes towards me and We're both kinda glancing at the gap growin smaller between us and making our assumptions and judgements until We're like in front of each other and both of us simultaneously give a single nod and carry on with our lives. Somethin similar just happened now as i was writing this i came to a ye olde gentleman reading his post and a quick hello and one is off.

Do girls do this sorta thing or are they too busy sussing each other out? Strange cats those...

Lookie there, its superman

Ah wrote L.O yesterday. Its funny how silly teacher man said that half of the things in the exam weren't even covered in class so about 200 marks were guess work marks.

Besides that tho it was just brilliant, sittin back listenin to florence really put me in a rather lax mood.

Nothing to write today. I woke up at 2:50am to watch free practice 1, ah man i love suzuka so much but i was frikin tired so i even missed lewis crashin out. Gonna be a nice day today im hoping, seeing that person im eatingh I've never actually walked around kloof before. I've done hillcrest, pinetown, westville, durban, maritzburg but to properly do a proper session of kloof hasn't quite happened. I look forward to the adventure, i reckon one of these days when i come to power there shall be a day where nothing but walking around, would be fun and healthy and will save the planet cuz everyone will be too tired to go clubbing seals and setting fire to moors. Im a genius

Cleaning the cage

Have you ever tried looking up names of well known pathological liars? They aren't easy to find, or many im just lazy but anyway I'll come across a fitting name eventually.

So i was speaking to cute little Hamster girl earlier and We're speakin about my Ben Friend and she tells me that no-name-suzie-due-to-lack-of-names-on-google is peeved off because she wants a slice of him as well. Now that made me laugh because last time i checked no-name-suzie-due-to-lack-of-names-on-google claimed that she was in no way interested and had moved on so to now get worked up over what other people choose to do puzzles me. If i went out and bought a cd and realized i didnt like it for some reason and put it up for sale in a garage sale and then got upset when it was bought, i would be nothing more than a foolish hypocrite. In fact a better analogy would be if i was given the cd and not bought it cuz i would have not much claim on it to begin with cuz i did nothing for it.

Saying this is your territory to stomp seems foolish to me, sure i haven't heard both sides of the story so i cant pass a full judgement, in fact im not judging anyone im just speakin my mind at the moment, its all a bit cliché to me, Girl Code some call it. The girl code is stupid i reckon, because you had some form of romantic feeling towards that person at some point somewhere none of your friends can even make the eyes at that person or they'll be killed and eaten by Bison, thats a bit much i rate.

If there's one thing i know its that friendship is the thing you gotta hold onto, no point in going to war over some runt with huge arms and a dinky knee, the thing is to understand that what is done is done so we allow a new era to come in and another may take their shot at the firing target. If we can all just realize that really all it takes for any situation to be mastered is a level of maturity and cleansing of all holds to it then we can finally stop living with our heads up our asses and be humans again. All i want are two front teeth

Simulators are rainbow coloured

I was speaking to this hot doll the other day, she was flipping banging and we were talkin about racing games. She tells me she was cravin a go at somethin like need for speed and that got me thinking, how different are racing games?

Need for Speed is an arcade game, its all about going fast and crashing and not much else really which is all great but personally im more of a Gran Turismo man. Now there its a mix of everything made to be as life like as possible, Gran Turismo is a simulator.

I said to her that to better understand you must think of them as colours, on Need for Speed everything is either red blue or yellow, Gran Turismo is the full colour sphere, all rainbow like and beautiful. Its exactly what i needed today to help me get over my dismal exam.

I wrote an exam i didnt study for, i tried believe me but it didnt work out. About a coupla weeks ago, in fact maybe a month or two back i lent this guy my textbook and it was 2010 so no one went back to school in a rush and then we had a bit of normal school without havin that class cuz the teacher disappeared so i didnt need it back in a rush but then he disappeared forever so when i really needed it he was not around. I tried organizin to get it back but for one reason or another plans failed and im not really to cut up about it thats how things work so i put no blame on him but by jove it was hard tryin to guess huge answers outta nowhere. I spent well over 3 hours doing my biggest guess work to date and im sure i failed, not too concerned as long as i get good marks with the rest but still i was feeling rather down so i decided to bust up that Gran Turismo of mine and mellow out with some music.

I can gladly say i feel like a flipping machine, a mix of digital automotive erotica and Jack Parow in my ear have made me feel rather tasty, i now plan to conquer lunch which will be done easily with the fool proof chant of "Please butter me a roll"

Humanity has become the biggest waste product of this world

Usually this kinda hate is reserved for greenies and babies and anythin that doesn't go by my standards but when what you are becomes what you hate, then what?

Im properly peeved with the way people have come to think. Thinkin for number one is what its all about these days it seems, surely we'd know thats not the way with all the wars and deaths and taxes flying around. As humans we are the only species that makes the same mistakes over and over again. If a rat gets its leg chopped off whilst walkin around It'll know not to go back there because at one point it experienced an excruciating pain and lost something dear to it because of it. We on the other hand dont think at all and thats just sad and stupid really.

Im not pleased with anythin right now. I have exams tomorrow and nothing is sinking in and thats just making me even more testy so every other little irritation is amplified to massive proportions and it bears the brunt of my hate, if i wasn't home alone i swear i would've murdered a child or two by now. I reckon we dont have any chance of being anything more than useless wastes of oxygen. We've broken nature, taken all the living space from animals, We've eaten all the food in the world, killed millions of polish people and we're still going around hurtin each other. Sure im not dropping bombs on my neighbours but its nearly the same thing if i were to go and slap them in the face. If i could i would take myself out of the whole human equation, i would become something completely disjointed, more powerful and more useful, at least then i wouldnt feel useless writing this post like all hope is gone for this silly thing we call life...

One day soon I'll stop gettin worked up over things but for now i like it, someone has to be bothered with the way things are going these days.

Even I face the green monster from time to time...

I know i shouldn't be bothered. I know it means nothing. I know it didnt happen and i know i shouldn't write this post but i just cant stew without venting.

I had a magical night, truely magnificent but i guess i just needed a bit of a prod to push me over. I've had a whole bunch of anxiety over the up coming week and i guess its decided to manifest itself as a bit of senseless rage. I used to have days of properly raging for no reason, just really get heavily angry and it would only last a little while and i would be fine again but its so much harder trying to rage when you have to keep it all under wraps.

Right now all I want is to be swallowed by an angel and pooped out as a happy little person, is that too much to ask? Like really i usually never go green Haha and its stupid that im thinkin about it now but its irritating me, i need to run it through my mind so it becomes used to it and numbs it but right now that just might not work. Have I not marked it well enough that i dont do the whole swinging thing? I am not omnipresent but surely red flags should come up when that thought dares to cross the mind? Im probably gettin a bit outta line. I understand how these things work, thinking is the last thing that takes place I've been there before i know what its like but its alot different being on this side of the fence, funny even. I love how i lack empathy it helps.

Haha ah am I intimidated? Maybe, maybe im a spineless pussy or maybe im just willing to hold onto what i have. In the words of Jack, "agh fok it, klaar geworry ek's klaar. As jy my soek ek's die ou met die snor by die bar"

MTN8 Final at Moses

So studying tonight was cancelled.

Got a call from my dad with the offer to go out tonight and watch a soccer game. Obviously I said i'd go seein as its a much better way of spendin a saturday than in front of a bunch of text books that do absolutely nothing for me.

Game hasn't started but already its feeling rather nice here. Brilliant breeze rolling in, lots of noise, hot dolls doing who knows what in front of me and chilling with my Pa. Who knew he actually had mates?

Im not supportin anything tonight im just here for the atmosphere and i must say Moses is pretty, i really shouldn't have declined that World Cup ticket but this here is enough for me. We're sittin just behind the posts so im hoping for a proper PSL shot to come through so i can take a Jabulani home with me, if that happened i'd be too amped, too amped, too amped

Look at this guy, whats he thinking about

Haha ah man friends are funny. Most friends influence each other to do get pissed faced and strung high on drugs but mine as strange, they want me to have fun...

I love how these things work. One minute you're thinkin somethin then it comes and manifests itself in real life, i should be careful what i think next time. I've given it some thought and sure its not the most ideal thing to do right now but really, how hard can it be?

Im busy laughing here thinkin about it. Goin all the way back to primary school just to do something i should've done back then? Haha ah man imagine how funny it'll be, flippin funny Hahaha ah...

Hey.
Hey.
Long time.
Whatup.
So?
Ya.
Ok.

Perfect conversation. Maybe what I need is a bit of time away from everything thats going on. Maybe i should take them up and take a trip to the countryside. This here brain needs to take some time off, look around and embrace. Im looking to behave and clearly i haven't been so that may just be a new outlet?

Well obviously thats not going to happen but its been a funny thought. Funny how this post is mainly a huge personal joke that even I've lost track of...

Im of the diseased kind

Its official, i have contracted Ebola.

It sucks so much, one minute i was perfectly fine and now my nose is blocked, my head is pounding and nothing seems to want to make sense, all i want to do is just crawl into a ball and sleep but alas i cant because i have to study.

The problem with having diptheria is that its so annoying. Im constantly blowing my nose and sneezing but thankfully im not coughing, coughing would be the final straw and i would hang myself. I cant rely on medicine cuz last time i took it i lost my mind completely and that was just terrible i honestly dont get how people can do drugs if that was anythin to go by.

This dementia is stupid, it just had to come when i have to study, all it does is make me want to sleep which isn't bad but its so inconvenient when you're trying to set yourself up for good marks. I need some muffins, cold juice and a functioning body right now, hopefully that'll work

Armed response?

So yesterday afternoon im at home minding my own business when i hear this huge commotion of cars and such people making a noise, i look over the wall and i see a whole bunch of security people huddled over this man trying to pin him to the ground.

It looked interesting and everything and then i was told that he was a loon who had escaped from a hospital van and was walking the streets trying to find his way home, somehow all these security company people got alerted and were looking for him, just my luck they happen to catch him outside our house. You'd think that because these people are trained to stop people stealing your piano while you're sleeping they would know how to detain one man. Here they are, 5 of them, not realizing that a simple tazer which i guess is standard issue now would be more than enough to stop the crazy person.

To cut a long story short i was called out to try help them keep him down while they struggled to put handcuffs on him. Honestly if 5 homies can barely take on one half naked man with no underwear on, how the hell are they gonna take on someone trying to steal your piano, do they need to be shot killed and eaten before they realize they have a whole arsenal of weapons on those utility belts of theirs?

Your one month contract has been renewed

I love how we make big  deals out of normal everyday occurences, well at least I do sommetimes. This whole post is me pretty much looking at things with a magnifying glass. Ok so its the 27th of September, just read Greg's myFace status and the only reason today is my birthday is now out in stores.

My Ben friend is havin his knee hacked at by Turk and Todd. Now he has a story to tell when he feels like pickin up chicks, pitty he doesnt know that handbrake turns turn girls on, not scars.

In the days of old one month would be the point where I say, "Ok its been long, enough time has been spent here, time to move on and be single and bitch about how useless girls are". Strangely though I feel no different from the start, its still tasty in my eyes, its all still where I want to be, its all still human and civil so I relax.

Lewis Hamiltion was asked once how long he was planning to stay with Mc Laren or would he move to another team and look for greener pastures now that he'd won the world champoinship and he said, "Once the time comes that I step into my car and I find Im not smiling, thats when I know its time"...

Whatup.

God's Bathroom

(Slug):
Head, pressure, senses, clutched
Date, Divinity, wouldn't, fuck
Touched, hazy, God, change
Rush, floor, life, veins

Chorus:
From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch
Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck
I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change
Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins

(Slug):
It goes one for the cannabis, and two for your dianoetics
Three for your reasoning, and four for those that try to get it
Five for your love, and six for the stress
And seven for the day that I climbed into this mess

CHORUS

(Slug):
I'm catching ulcers from the child proof lighters
And all these fine tooth biters that keep the wires in my head tighter
I'm tired out by the distances achieved walking in my sleep
Floors got shifted since the high i got a tad too deep
Ask dad to keep cool, I'll call him back as soon as I resume normal
And get out of this bathroom
And call management to seek some reimbursement
For the nerve ending that burnt from the first hits

CHORUS

(Slug):
So fuck needles, fuck smoke
Fuck lines that make the sinus choke
Fuck chasers, trails, fuck waves and rails
Fuck hang-overs, fuck hallucinations
Regurgitations, mandatory sentences and UA tracing
Blind my insight and dull the common sense
Give me INHIBITION, kill the superstition and the confidence
Built the tolerance, now it's more that I consume it
When it boards up my room, the world's whores will croon in unison
Unify the eulogy, autopsy pages read euthanasia, I.E., irony
But here I be within a pool of my drool
Sedated, windows dilated, comatose, life overdose
Tell Jacob Miles to keep it wild style
I promise I'll smile
And check the floor, God's got nice tile
Tell Jacob Mile to keep that shit wild style
And I'll smile
And check the floor, God's got nice tile

CHORUS

(Slug):
Head, pressure, senses, clutched
Date, Divinity, wouldn't, fuck
Touched, hazy, God, change
Rush, floor, life...

I dont play these games...

Today is sucha  beautiful day. Its so nice and overcast and its misty and wet, Im cold but fine with it, my kinda day. Had to share the same sleeping space with Lord Farquaad and yes it was a tight squeeze. The pillock cannot keep to himself. I had to fight him off my person 4 times, the first time it was ok because I kind only expected it to happen once but after a while I wasnt pushing him off, I was actually kicking him, got him in the chest at one time.

National Braai Day yesterday and it was a good day. So I have this girlfriend person and what not, haha ah so we spent the day together, lets say 11 and a half hours? Usually I dont do that, I get bored after a while and want to go pick daisies with my friends and yes I may have thought about them at some point but weirdly the urge was hardly there, I even slept during the day which is something generally impossible for me to do and sure it was probably like 10 minutes but it happened so I must thank you...

Hmm how do I put this... There is a level way a person usually acts, like I would hope in most cases Im considered to be somewhat normal and mature? I was looking around last night at all the pairs of people who were obviously joint at the hip cuz they all insisted on sharing a chair, myself included, and on the one side you get Hamster people, It was mostly male bravado and innuendos that were pretty obvious but seemed to be doing the job, dropping lines that would have them thinking.

And then just over there it was kinda similar but it was a bit further on than that. Working together to make impressions on each other because they've pretty much proven and secured each other so its not pressing but they still keep each other interested.

And then I looked back to us and I laughed a thousand laughs. "Donkey died, daddy cried, niggies not on". After all the clever song remarks and the close little eye winkings of the other pairs to the cackling of hyenas when it came to us Im sure people would assume these were a bunch of children and sure I will admit it was a bit child like but ah I loved it. I love the nonsense that springs up outta those kinda situations, proper tom foolery that others wont get but because its happenin at that time with that person it just doesnt matter, sure its not who you are and what you do for a living but when the mood to be a children takes, you dont let go. Thats all I wanted really, relaxed normality, not being governed by the need to perform that takes so many people now days. I sometimes hark back to those simpler times when things happened in more relaxed tones and sure Im too old for those things and I dont condone acting vaugely immature all the time but I would be lying if I said I didnt enjoy it...

Speaking about how one acts... I dont get why I must be flicked the bird, called a fxxk and then slapped in the face? If Im honest I'll admit that I did expect a little stand off of some kind, one cant not expect to be hit by a pie in the face at a clown school. I didnt however think I would be flicked the bird for scratchin my eyebrow on someones back, called a fxxk for laughing at a joke I was being told and then being slapped for sitting down and minding my own business. I promised I'd behave so the only thing I could do was keep my remarks, insults and various curses to myself and Im glad I did that, I dont play these games, I can get over something, I lack the ability to go on forever about something over and over again I get bored easily. I dont forget but I do clear it all to the back and after a while last night I was over it and Im sure the Watch Dog and I had a few decent conversations after that and I chose to ignore the little comments that were aimed for a bit of confrontation.

Im not at a stage where I cant be civil with people, I bury the hatchet but even so it is a shallow grave...

I dont care what you say about your mates but mine are the best...

Ah here I am with My Ben friend writing my blog.

I've had a reasonably good day, I got out of school cuz my mom wanted to do some shopping which was chilled by me. I got my way on much quicker to be with the guys and it was most certainly worth it.

Scunthorpe decided to have a braai and I would've loved to see your face but ah my friends are beast machines.

I will admit I do miss my mates alot, Im so glad to be having some guy time. Have you ever just wanted to be with those of your kind that get who and what you want to do? Its been a good little braai and we can really do our thing and Im going on and on about nothin that is relevent but Im nearly "on" so Im about to leave...

Lets just say I wouldnt trade any of these guys for crap all...

New Masco Gel, super strength

Out there is something more irritating that politicians, more infuriating than a wheel clamp, more common than pop music... People who hand out flyers.

It is impossible to walk anywhere in durban without having about a billion flyers thrust into your face at once, its like they've been strategically placed at your very next foot fall so you dont see anything besides pieces of paper. Its the same story every single day, if i so much as step out onto the street I'll be faced with people who somehow can make a piece of paper make a loud sorta of exploding noise just by forcing it upon you.

Today i kinda felt bad because i always just ignore them as hard as it is but those people are only doing their jobs. I must say tho i regret it, im sorry but i do not need me Masco Gel to make my penis larger and make everyone at work like me. I dont care if your new herbal cream is extra strength infused with tiger penis and whale urine, i still dont want anythin to do with it. These people actually have the guts to go advertise things like that, who wants to turn on their lover with seal scrotum, if somebody tried that on me i would undoubtedly break a bottle on their head.

Singapore this weekend which im sure will be great, for 3 years now I've missed the only night race on the calendar, i hope not to repeat that

The caught out factor

I have a this habit of speaking to myself. Its not too bad because i enjoy myself but sometimes i say mean things about people. It ranges from saying how ugly someone is to how irritating that person is to how i dont care about a single thing you're saying to me, really random things.

So just the other day after school there was this really fat lady sitting in front of the door, they're double doors but for some reason they'd closed one. She was sitting blocking most of the way through and wasn't moving for anyone so i tried to squeeze my way through and unintentionally i said "ah lady you're so fat". I thought i'd said it in my head or at least very quietly but when i looked around everyone was staring at me, at that moment that lady wasn't too pleased with me. So sunday im in church and some person behind me keeps knocking my chair and it was starting to irritate me so each time they did i would quietly say "dont touch me" but at one point just when you say something with enough venom to kill, everything just has to go quiet so you end up shouting at an old lady not to touch you cuz she is flipping irritating and is invading your personal space. Its safe to say i wont be goin back there next week seeing as everyone within lets say 5 rows of me probably has a hit out on me right now.

I hate people touching my person its really irritating and i cant help speakin to myself about just how boring it is when you tell me about random dance styles i know nothing about and couldn't be bothered about in the slightest. Its who i am, i hate people as a general rule they dont go along with my way of thinking but unfortunately they are needed in this world. Of course there are people i do like, they've put up with me for long enough but those randoms that suddenly think you're their best friend cuz you let them use your pen to mark themselves on the register? Nein....

I saw Godzilla again today... My word she's beautiful, my very favourite japanese princess. There will come a time where i am given more than a fleeting glimpse on the freeway. One of these days you and i are gonna meet....

Baron Lord Senator

I was just watching the Drake documentary on MTV and even though im not the most hip hopping of people i get what the guy is saying.

Here is a guy who is unashamed to claim what is his, he is puttin out his talent to the world and its being lapped up. Somehow He's found his recipe for success, so how come im not cooking yet?

Im not overly concerned about other peoples perception of me but come now, i would be foolish if i didnt want to be adored by millions. I want to have the crooning women and the dedicated fans or just any form of power. I'll be damned if i go through this life as unknown as a security guard, sure his friends and family know him but i want people from Brakpan to Monaco to say my name, whether i am the worlds latest and greatest dictator or i am my new alter ego, Baron Lord Senator. I want to be a Baron so bad. I dont know what they do but i understand they hold some royalty and the title is just too cool. My girlfriend wouldn't laugh at me if i was a Baron, she'd have her head chopped off.

Its become evident to me that deep inside i am a very egotistical power hungry person which is why the thought of being a dictator doesn't leave a sour taste in my mouth. One girl so promptly said the other day that i would suck at ruling the world because i lack empathy, apparently i just laugh and get over things. Had someone else said that i wouldn't have been bothered at all really i would've laughed and gotten over it but she knows the weight of her words and what truth they hold, someone who gets that their own truth always outweighs that of another no matter how wrong they may actually be is someone i would want in my council, at least we think the same.

Im not quite sure what exactly Baron Lord Senator does but thats the exact point i am right now, time for a bit of mind stretching. I've let myself go to such a point where im easily manipulated, i need to get back into the swing of things and really use what I've come to learn i posses

A days thoughts

I spent the day with my mommy, haven't done that in a while.

Dragged to church this morning, not having breakfast, not being awake till about 12 only to find out we weren't goin home but were going shopping. I hate shopping with an intense passion especially with a woman but it seems that i usually it away with something after it all.

No guy is meant to know anything about girls shoes, its a known fact and i am no different. I dont know the difference between those shoes with the bangles attached to their soles and those with chainmail on them, they all look the same. I also noticed these clothes shops we go to never ever have clothes in normal size. I asked this lady today if she had a shirt in a size human and she said " human? We dont stock human". I didnt realize i was in a shop that only stocks clothes for bears and pixies, I'll be sure never to make the mistake of shopping in a anti-human establishment.

Another thing thats made me laugh today is Nascar. They say its a sprint cup so its a sprint race. In normal terms a Grand Prix is about 50 laps, a sprint race is around 22 laps but in america a sprint race is 300 laps. I would hate to watch a Grand Priy. It wouldn't be a race weekend it would be a whole year.




little boy

The greatest gift in life, adventure

Im all for new experiences, i like a bit of adventure. I like being able to tell the stories and reminiscing about by gone times where excitement was my friend but im not that much of a junky, i wont do anythin heavily stupid or silly unless you pay me handsomely.

But you get those guys that do it for the thrill. Those big guys with shoulder length hair that they always flick and pull back before they speak, with their aversion to wearing shirts and their constant need to jump off buildings landing face first in the pavement just because it gives them some kinda rush. Those guys are cool as mistakes with taking drugs during pregnancy go but come on that sorta thing is stupid. You see them on tv swimming with half a cow tied to their ankles in shark infested water cuz its fun.

Imagine how great it would be for drug pushers to hire those kinda types. Pump them full with bags of cocaine and watch how they relish getting through airports. "Ah man that was awesome! It was so intense, I've never felt such a rush before! It got a bit intense at the checkpoints when I was asked to pass through the scanner and my heart was in my mouth when the machine beeped but that was only because my shark tooth necklace i got in Hakkariwa was still on, i nearly split a whole bag of cocaine and ecstasy in that minute man, longest minute of my life, ah I feel so alive!" cue flicking and pulling back of hair.

Those sorta types would also come in handy as kidnappers. Stuff a bag full of children into their stomachs and see them enjoy every moment, even having to crap out the prime ministers son who wont stop squirming. I really am a genius, I should start selling these ideas to the relevant parties, the money i could make...

Slacker mind state

I've come to the realization that i hate computers. Im starting to hate them with a proper passion...

I've gotten over my course and what im doing, doesn't interest me in the slightest anymore. Its about to enter the levels of hate reserved for Satan, eco mentalists, rats and babies. I think I've just hit that point where i cant stand school much longer. Funny enough tho my school blues have chilled for long before showin their nasty heads, this time last year and i was ready to commit death to myself, You'd swear i'd do all i can to be out of this rut called school but its a bit of a safe place.

Focus and some juice, all i need

Baby its coming to an end...

I can see it now, it hurts but soon this will end. Im going to have to give you up soon and someone newer, faster, more attractive will have to take your place. If it were up to me i wouldn't let it happen. I would fix you up, a new face here, some touch ups there. I dont wanna have to lose you. We came to be by chance, my love for music and your ability to full fill is what brought us together. I remember so long ago when we first met, i didnt know at the time that we would fall in love and i doubt you did as well but its happened and i loved every minute of it. You were with me on many adventures, nights spent in public bathrooms with sheets, walking in the wrong direction down roads for ages, being sucker punched by eye drops, who'll forget the countless boring movies and long sessions on the john. You were also there when the power died and the need to irritate a house full of people struck, not complaining once i dropped you in my hasty retreats from flying shoes. You've been my lifeline with the outside world. My personal way of getting my fix, telling me of the movements of my boys and not begrudging me a fact or two. Sure others may look at you now and see the scars and marks of time but when i look at you i see past that, i see the one who made it possible for me to be happy, one that sacrificed themselves for my gain, you stuck by me when things got tough, didnt ask for much when the sun shone again. Im a heartless fool for writing all this with you so able to see it but you know how its become. You fail sometimes. You blink out when i have to put down my thoughts and have a knack for keeping me on edge sometimes. I know you're old and i expect so much from you but everything you do doesn't go unnoticed. I will keep you until you blink out for the last time, until your back cover unintentionally slides for the last time and you implode in a glorious inverted fireball. My special telephone, I love you, t'was heaven here with you